Weekly Round Up of Parliamentary Nonsense IV

It’s that time again where we can see the real power being brokered in the commons. While Labour drowns in sleaze, corruption and jobs for the boys we get the following ‘real issues’ dealt with in the corridors of power.

We kick of week 4 of Parliamentary Nonsense with a welcome return to Gregory Barker (Con), Honourable Member for Bexhill & Battle and his crusade to rid the country of chewing gum. God bless your campaign spirit Gregory.

Gregory Barker: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs how the £600,000 provided by the Chewing Gum Action Group will be divided between the pilot areas; and how the pilot areas are dividing their funding between advertising, alternative disposal and enforcement related measures.

Gregory Barker: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs how the Chewing Gum Action Group pilots in 2006 will differ from the pilot campaigns carried out in 2005 in terms of the techniques employed to reduce gum litter.

Gregory Barker: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs what criteria will be used to measure success in the Chewing Gum Action Group pilot areas in 2006.

Charlotte Atkins: To ask the Secretary of Statefor Environment, Food and Rural Affairs which(a) registration and (b) regulations govern prosecutions for creating a nuisance involving foul odours; and which body is responsible for pursuing such a prosecution.

Mr. Paterson: To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport if she will list the different ways that viewers are able to purchase television licences.

Mr. Amess: To ask the hon. Member for North Devon, representing the House of Commons Commission what the telephone bill for the House of Commons was in each year since 1989

Mr. Drew: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs what discussions she has had with the National Assembly for Wales on the analysis of data from roadside casualties of badgers regarding bovine TB studies.

More next week folks

Justice Done?

BBC: 10-May:
Anthony Rice, 48, was freed nine months before he stabbed Naomi Bryant in her home in Winchester in August last year.

BBC: 17-May:
"Retired seaman George Frost, 74, of Beaufoy Road, in Dover, Kent, was sent to prison for 23 days by magistrates for failing to pay £991.41 in arrears. "

Nice to see the priorities at work here, they obviously spotted that Mr. Frost was never going to vote Labour.

Prescott Still a Laughing Stock

There have been quite a few news items covering Two Jags/Shags/Houses/Inches as he stood up to answer questions in the house today regarding what the f*ck we are paying him for. I am going to go wih the Daily Mail for reasons no deeper than I happen to agree with them on all their views on Prescott.

Apparently the DPM stood in the face of not only Tory jeers but Labour jeers as well.

"Justifying his salary, he said: "I am doing far more than Lord Heseltine did. No complaints were made about Lord Heseltine at the time. I am doing far more work than he did, I am fully justifying the work I am doing."

Funny... I don't recall Lord Heseltine having the time to bone his diary secretary in the office, and I don't think he is justifying the job that he is doing. I haven't as yet seen an ounce of justification. If he is chairing so many committees why is that too much for him? It wasn't too much for all the other Deputy Prime Ministers.

While this oaf remains in a cabinet position the whole Labour brand is stained... I can only view this as a good thing for a Tory victory but a deeply bad thing for the 4 years before that happens.

Police Focussing on Labour Loans

According to the Times today Yates of the Yard is focussing his investigations on Labour’s £4 million loans. Naturally they’re all getting a little twitchy…

“It is Labour’s loans that seem to be at the heart of the issue,” one senior source said. “There are a number of documents that have given the investigation an added significance. Everybody knows that the Labour Party must be terrified. But now the police have the evidence in its hands, it might be best to remain calm, and help them as much as possible.”

Is it just me or does that sound more like “co-operate and we’ll get a reduced sentence”?

“Lord Levy, Tony Blair’s personal fundraiser, had been scheduled to give evidence in a televised hearing before the committee next week. He will now not be questioned by the committee until the police have interviewed him.”

I have to state here that I am glad of this, Lord Levy’s plans to report to a commons committee just sounded like an excuse for all to get their stories straight before Officer Dibble caught up with them.

“If there were to be a prosecution it is unlikely that any of the dozen donors questioned by police would face charges because they would have been following instructions from the Labour Party. This would put any blame on to the party.”

Rightly so… how are they going to get around this one? They can’t go in with their standard defence of “well we’ve put in more investment” and I’d like to see them try to blame the Tories.

I will snipe from the gutter throughout.

Robbing the Rich and That's It!

From BBC:

"Relative poverty in the UK may have risen since 1997, rather than fallen, says the Institute for Fiscal Studies. "

Well I saw this coming a long time ago. Far from Labour's great plans to redistibute wealth from the rich to the poor, they have really just redistributed wealth from the rich to themselves. Much like evey other 'socialist' government in history.

The biggest cause for this is probably Council Tax. Council Tax is a flat amount based on your house price. Irrespective of your income or neccessary expenditure and therefore irrespective of ability to pay.

If they decide to revalue the bands you can bet that they won't come down. The rise in house prices will be viewed as people having more assets, but in reality, lower income families in rented accomodation will be liable for increased Council Tax without increase in income.

Rob the Rich and Rob the Poor.

Reid Pulls Out of Question Time...

Please have a gander at the article from today's Daily Mail, apparently Reid was due to be alongside Michael Howard answering questions about his department and foreign criminals rampaging throughout our green and pleasant land.

This morning he does the usual NuLab trick of apportioning blame when he spoke to the BBC:

"He said: "The truth of the matter is that we don't have a precise figure for this - not only do I not have it but none of my predecessors, way back to Michael Howard in the last government.
"And part of the reason is of course that we inherit a legacy of an unknown number from government to government as it were and therefore there are no precise numbers for this." "

Guttersnipe thinks he's quite willing to blame Michael Howard but not too willing to face him. For the past two weeks the Blairite cheerleader on Question Time has been told that "you've been here for 9 years, you can't blame the Tories now". It would appear that they haven't learned.

This week's Blair Tub Thumper is Harriet "ID cards required to vote" Harman. Naturally I will be ranting my weekly review.

Fame At Last!!!

Earlier today I noticed the following wee snippet in my referral stats:

Naturally as a concerned Guttersnipe I thought "well why is Auntie sniffing round my gutter?"

The answer has come at last, after only 3 weeks of ranting online the Rt. Honourable Ranting Guttersnipe (member for Vented Spleens) has been featured on the BBC Daily Politics, a show I truly think is worth the licence fee for Andrew Neil's wit as well as the opportunity to see the lovely Jenny Scott. You can view the comments here.

As pleased as I am with this sort of high brow coverage I can't help but feel suspicious of another crawler through my gutter...

What are they up to I wonder? Maybe Guttersnipe has ruffled some feathers. If I suddenly stop blogging shortly then please treat it as suspicious...

Office of Fair Trade Bollocked for Waste

Wat Tyler at Burning Our Money has slightly beaten me to this story, but I'm going to run with this all the same.

The Office of Fair Trade managed to get a huge 70% budget increase to enforce Gordon Brown's new laws to deliver more competitive markets. Frankly it beats me why anybody would believe that an Old Fashioned Scottish Socialist would have any knowledge of markets and how they can be made more competitive. But it went ahead nonetheless...

The results are now here for us to see - the Public Accounts Committee have blasted the OFT for:

Underpaying - while we may envy the OT lawyer's salary of £39,000 any decent silk can get 5 times that in the private sector, so the OFT is left with crap lawyers.

Delays - 75% of investigations should be completed in 9 months. None have managed this timeframe.

and this is the tip of the iceberg - Wat has more.

The question I have to ask is if this group is aimed at making sure that there is competition all around us then why is their only one?

More Reasons Not to Vote Labour

The Daily Propaganda has a very entertaining feature on how the police state has crept up already... much as I hate to send all my Guttersnipes away from the Spleen, I would recommend this.

How Dangerous is Liverpool?

This is a quote from the 1.00 news bulletin on Radio 2:

"A WW2 bomb found in the river Mersey is being towed out to deeper water before undergoing a controlled explosion. The bomb was found during a routine patrol by a Royal Navy Minesweeper."

Now I am always proud when I see the Royal Navy earning their Queen's shilling. But I am curious about the requirement for routine minesweeping patrols of the river Mersey. Routine? How many mines do we usually find in the Mersey?

This month sees the 90th anniversary of the battle of Jutland where many British and German seamen lost their lives.... remember them!

Another Gimmick...

So I learn today that there are several things going on to give us the impression that the government is doing something about the problems we face in our daily lives.

I don't know what brings me more despair - the fact that they assume that the electorate is stupid enough to fall for this bollocks, or that in the past they have been right.

What we are greeted with today is "Let's Talk" an initiative to get people talking to the government, rather like the failed "Big Conversation" whose only achievement was making Labour's consultants richer. We don't need this, people have been talking to the government. We have said

"We don't want you running our councils"
"86% of us want John Prescott sacked"
"2 million of us don't want the Iraq war"

In fact as I recall this week, one man who has been talking to the government is no longer allowed to.

Next we're having British values taught in schools. It's being pitched like it is a new thing, it isn't. My school taught me manners, courtesy, respect and a lack of prejudice. These things just got swept under the carpet by a government trying to appease a minority of self hating liberals. Of course now that they need the votes they're ready to wrap themselves in the flag and celebrate "Britishness". It might have had some credibility if it wasn't being put about by the people who devolved the union. Gordon Brown appeared on TV shouting about having a Veterans' Day. Well Gordon, we have a veterans day... it's called Remembrance Sunday and we used it to remember all those soldiers your people killed in your Iraq War. Happy now?

Will Mark Oaten Have Any Dignity Left?

In the Guardian:

"Sex scandal MP Mark Oaten is to return to the media spotlight after agreeing to take part in a daytime TV fitness programme. The Liberal Democrat, who quit as his party's home affairs spokesman after allegations he had a six-month affair with a rent boy, is to star in a programme called The Body Politics for the BBC."

I have to ask what the hell is the honourable member for Winchester thinking? Aside from making a fool of himself by being caught with a rent boy, then deciding that it was all the fault of hair loss - he is now taking part in daytime fitness shows. That's just conjured images of green lycra that I just didn't need.

What could the Lib Dems embarass themselves with next? Even Jade Goody doesn't go as low as this.

Why is Chavez Even Here?

Iain Dale seems to have started quite a fight over on his diary when he has brought the visit of Hugo Chavez more into the limelight.

Naturally I agree with Iain that this man is a 'left wing loonie', he may have won elections but Mugabe and even Hitler did that and they're rarely referred to as popular.

However, I'm not going to take up this point as Iain is doing it so well. The point I am going to take up is why is Ken Livingstone playing the elder statesman?

If Red Ken wishes to get back to his Marxist roots then by all means do so, but what this is doing is having the people of London financing the visits of Venezuelan leaders. Livingstone has no power to arrange trade deals with Venezuela, nor had he the power to alter UK policy toward China or any of the crackpot Islamic extremists that he has had round. So, other than lunch, what would Chavez be likely to get from this? Blair isn't going to see him, Cameron isn't going to see him. The only person going to see him is Ken.

Ken isn't an ambassador, in fact he's no sort of international diplomat. Unless old Hugo's getting advice on congestion charging I can't see what this visit achieves for either the people of Venezuela or London.

Voters Want a General Election

A survey for the Daily Politics has reported that 67% of voters want a General Election in the event that Blair resigns. Now I have always been hesitant about this as I view the use of a swift election would put Brown in for 5 years, I would prefer to hang on until the Tory policy groups report.

However it does highlight that the majority do not want a coronation of Gordon Brown and with 62% blaming Brown as much as Blair, a different Labour candidate may make a difference. This is going to continue the infighting in the Labour Party. They are going to alienate people if they crown Gordon, alternatively prior to the election they will probably need a leadership contest to determine their General Election candidate, and all of this time they should be governing.

86% thought that Prescott should have been stripped of his pay and perks.

Well I should tell all you voters, the Tories agree with you. Incidentally so do the LibDems and Greens. In fact so do UKIP and the BNP. In fact the only ones who don't are Labour, and possibly Respect.

Apparently Government Not Remotely Responsible for 7/7

BBC: "Home Secretary John Reid has rejected suggestions London bomber Sidique Khan blamed his actions on the Iraq war. "

Tell that to Rachel from North London. Why not give us another action that has inflamed Muslims across the world then? I doubt it was because of the Danish Cartoons.

People Should Bring Rotten Fruit to Question Time

Every Thursday night I settle down religiously to watch Question Time. Well worth the licence fee in my humble opinion. Have you noticed steadily over the past years that the Tory repersentatives are starting to get many many more rounds of applause than the hapless Blair apologist that frequently ends up no the panel?

Last night was no exception, when Hazel Blears spoke there was a silence like the Labour backbenches. At the start I felt kind of sorry for her, however as she continued on defending the party line and dodging questions I thought "how can she actually believe this stuff?" and members of the audience even asked that question.

It seems I am not alone in this. Some of the people quoted on the BBC site seem to agree:

"How pathetic to see another simpering Blairite clone shaking her head at the perfectly valid comments on any subject. I have never seen a government minister so out of touch with the mood of the audience. "

"I find it side-splittingly funny that government ministers, week after week, sit at the QT desk shaking their heads at what everybody else is applauding. Their inability to answer a straight-forward question with a straight-forward answer is clear evidence that they never actually want to answer for anything."

"Please either get Hazel Blears off the panel, or tell her to stop giving party political broadcasts. If she cannot give us the truth, we do not want to hear her."

"I see the Blears grin is still fixed."

Here is what they said about Margaret Beckett:

"The PM could not have watched last night`s QT. Had he done so, then surely he would not have appointed Margaret Beckett to be the new Foreign and Commonwealth Secretary"

"Beckett does not impress at all. "

"A very poor performance from Beckett. People want to see their politicians answer the questions put to them, not answer the questions they want to. "

"Will someone please wipe that smug smirk off Margaret Beckett's face?"

"I've never seen a convincing performance by Margaret Beckett on QT. Tonight is no exception. "

I'm certain the entertainment value would be greatly increased if the audience could bring rotten fruit. I'll review the "Labour Cheerleader" each week from now on.

Apparently Ming Will Be Gone Within a Year

Todays Telegraph carries an interesting piece on the further comedy of the Liberal Democrats:

"Sir Menzies Campbell has been forced to apologise for his poor performance as Liberal Democrat leader."

"The failures at Prime Minister's Questions, including another lacklustre performance this week against a weakened Tony Blair, have bemused friends and foes alike given his background as a barrister and QC."

"But some Lib Dems are now privately convinced that they will have new leader within a year, with Nick Clegg, 39, the so-called Lib Dem answer to David Cameron and the party's home affairs spokesman, as the frontrunner."Ming will be gone within a year," said one Lib Dem MP."

Looks like all is not well in the LibDim camp. Having reshuffles? preparing the knives? Awww they're like a government... I was truly surprised on Question Time last night when Ming said "David Cameron tells Tories one thing and Liberals another" - they've never done this have they?

Hat tip Guido for inspiring the pic

What Has Prescott Got on Blair?

From BBCi:

"Lord Falconer is facing a pay cut after the independent body which advises on ministerial pay said it will review his salary after his duties were reduced. "

"In last week's reshuffle John Prescott was stripped of his departmental duties without a pay cut or loss of privilege. "

So Tony's flatmate loses pay and perks because of his reduced duties yet two shags two inches keeps his? He must have something on Blair that Falconer doesn't...

Goodbye Democracy... Hello Police State

I've just seen this in the Guardian, not a newspaper I read but this has got me ranting:

"Speaking at a meeting organised by the Progress thinktank to discuss falling turnouts, Harriet Harman said the problem of maintaining up-to-date and accurate electoral rolls could be solved "at a stroke" by using the details held on the National Identity Register."

So this is "not compulsory" is it? I suppose it isn't unless you fancy travelling or voting. This stinks. Can I call the Labour Party back to what they were crowing bout in the early 90s that people who didn't pay the "Poll Tax" wouldn't be able to vote? Now people who don't pay the Council Tax (Poll Tax but harder hitting on the poor and under a different name) don't appear on the electoral roll and can't vote. Now they want to add people who refuse to apply for an ID card will lose the right to vote out the people who put it in place.

New Labour have said right from the start that they are supposedly concerned with safeguarding civil liberties with this... well all I can say is:

PLEASE STOP SAFEGUARDING MY LIBERTIES!!!!

At the last count these cards were due to display the holder's religion. I believe the last people to do this had a tendency to relocate Jews "for their safety" and invade Poland. Wake Up Britain! You are sleepwalking into this.

Millions died in the 40s to prevent this.... don't let it happen by the back door.

It's not just Ming that fluffs lines...

From PMQs:

Mr. John Maples (Stratford-on-Avon) (Con): I offer my support to the Prime Minister on his decision to relieve the Deputy Prime Minister of departmental responsibilities—it is very good for all of us to see nine years of unremitting incompetence 10 May 2006 : Column 313finally rewarded. However, I want to go further in my support, because the Prime Minister has been criticised for allowing the Deputy Prime Minister to keep his salary and the vast perks of his office. I am with the Prime Minister, however, because the new arrangement is an improvement: he is right that it is better to pay the Deputy Prime Minister for not running a Department than it is to pay him for running one.

The Prime Minister: I remember the hon. Gentleman’s Deputy Prime Minister—after his two years in office, the Tories achieved their worst election victory on record. [Hon. Members: “Oh”] The hon. Gentleman remembers Michael Heseltine, who became Deputy Prime Minister and two years later the Tories had the worst election result in their history. This Deputy Prime Minister has presided over three election victories, so I prefer Prezza to Hezza.

A Victory is still a victory eh tone?

Weekly Round Up of Parliamentary Nonsense III

A shorter than usual round of of parliamentary nonsense this week. Who knows? Maybe our erstwhile democratic representatives have been discussing items of national importance. Such as why terrorist are now being granted asylum for example.

I digress....

Shona McIsaac: To ask the Chancellor of the Exchequer how many reptiles were imported into (a) the UK and (b) the EU each year between 2000 and 2005

Mr. Jenkins: To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport what estimate she has made of the number of problem gamblers in Tamworth

Norman Baker: To ask the Secretary of State for Health what the average fruit and vegetable consumption per person was in the UK in each year since 1997, broken down by household income.

Andrew Gwynne: To ask the Secretary of State for Transport how many passenger trains have used Platform 0 at Stockport railway station since it became operational.

There you have it - I, personally, am truly disappointed not to see Gregory Barker's Chewing Gum Crusade continuing. Come on Greg your constituents demand action!

Blair Slams the Hijackers Ruling

From today's Daily Mail:

"We can't have a situation in which people who hijack a plane we are not able to deport back to their country.
"It is not an abuse of justice for us to order their deportation. It is an abuse of common-sense, frankly, to be in a position where we can't do this."

You signed us up to these laws Tone.... you could challenge it I suppose, I'm sure you know a good human rights lawyer.

UPDATE - 10.25am - Government to Appeal Court Ruling - what are the odds that Cherie ends up defending them?

So What is a Deportable Offence These Days?

Breaking News: "Nine Afghan asylum seekers who hijacked a plane to Britain today won their High Court challenge against the failure of the Government to grant them formal permission to enter the UK as refugees. "

I can't believe what I am reading!!! Not only are we not deporting these people we are actually allowing them in as refugees.

THESE PEOPLE HIJACKED A PLANE!!!

Surely the Terrorism Act covers this or is it just for stopping protestors and old blokes at conference? Our new Home Secretary doesn't consider armed robbery a "serious offence", what is his stance on terrorist activity?

British servicemen have given their lives in Afghanistan in the War on Terror. Why does it seem we have just moved the terrorists from the Middle East to England? Mr. Reid, Mr. Blair, the whole fucking lot of you - square that move with the families of the deceased!

What Election Were the Socialists Watching?

I had the following stuff forwarded from The Socialist Worker and it has left me stunned. These are extracts from 2 articles in the same paper on the same day about the local election results.

Local elections were not a great day for Tories and Liberals
"Tory leader David Cameron had to prove he could make new inroads—and here he failed completely, as the Tories won no seats at all in Manchester, Liverpool or Newcastle. Nor is there a single Tory councillor in either Oxford or Cambridge, where the Tories lost their last seat this time.The Tories took 39 percent of the vote on Thursday of last week. Former Tory leader William Hague did nearly as well in the 2000 local elections, winning 38 percent of the vote. "

Spectacular performance from Respect in local elections
"Our most spectacular results were in east London. We won 39,600 votes – 23 percent – in Tower Hamlets and took 12 council seats from Labour. In neighbouring Newham we won three seats, 26 percent of the council votes and 20 percent of the mayoral votes."

So let's sum this up shall we?

Conservatives gain 316 seats and control 11 more councils than they did on Wednesday.

SW backed Respect gain seats to have a total of 26 councillors and control nothing. They were even outperformed by the other scary party of racists the BNP who now have at least 31 councillors.

"the Tories won no seats at all in Manchester, Liverpool or Newcastle." - I don't think Respect did either did they?

What the hell are these people thinking? And why, if they are so anti-capitalist do they sell their newspaper?

When Did Prescott Sit His Exams?

I spotted an interesting use of words in today's Telegraph Comment Section:

"Mr Prescott's housing policy, like so much of the rest of his philosophy, was little more than a part of his revenge against his imagined enemies in Middle Britain for his failure to pass the 11-plus exam half a century ago."

Mr. Prescott is 67, did he wait till he was 17 to take the 11 plus and then fail it? There has to be some devil in that detail.

Labour Booted Back in the Kinnock Days

A Populous poll for the Times has put Labour at its lowest level since back in the good old Kinnock days of 1992. They currently read:

Conservative – 38%
Labour – 30%
LibDem – 20%

A glorious day for us ni the Blue Corner I think you’ll agree. Now, dear readers, do we remember what Labour did the last time they reached this low level of support? They:

a) Lost a General Election
b) Changed their leader to someone the public didn’t hate.

Are you seeing the hint here? Personally I’d rather they went for option A. Of course the Labour machine have a few things to say about this:

Our great and benevolent leader said “"We are obviously going through difficult times – in a third term of government, it would be completely bizarre if we weren't,"

Does anyone else feel that it would be “completely bizarre” if a third term government wasn’t selling peerages, sacking 8,000 NHS staff, having sex on government time, releasing dangerous prisoners, giving paedophiles jobs in schools and curtailing the right to protest?

I can only think of that happening to one third term government…. Don’t you?

A few examples of that "Labour Party Unity"

There have been meetings, briefings, counter-briefings and letters. Here are a few examples of the Labour Party dealing with their political woes:



From the Brown Camp:
“There's a new element - the disillusioned Blairites - that makes Tony much more vulnerable."

"MPs want to see a commitment to a stable and orderly transition in actions as well as words,"

From the Blair Camp:
"It's obvious Gordon is organising this. It's not The Da Vinci Code,"

a Number 10 adviser likened the Brownites to "teenage girls who cut themselves and don't quite know why".

From the Rest of the Labour Party:
"They live in two separate worlds. They're both paranoid about each other. It's pathetic. We are in free-fall and nobody can stop it."

Oh I think the Tories could stop your freefall guys.

Why Doesn't Prescott Shut Up and Move On?

It would appear that Two Jags, Two Jabs, Two Shags, Two Inches, No Job, Full Pay has decided it’s time to talk when the rest of the country has decided it’s time for him to shut up. He has been speaking to the Independent. I’m not sure what he was hoping to achieve here, it looks like an attempt to appease Labour with a call for unity and to have another pop at the Tories who so far aren’t up to their necks in sleaze. Some of the things he is saying just defy logic and remind me that Labour frontbenchers just don’t see the wood for the trees:

“John Prescott warned supporters of Tony Blair and Gordon Brown last night to stop their "war" over the Labour leadership as he hit back at critics who have accused him of freeloading at the taxpayers' expense. “ - If he wants to stop being criticized for freeloading maybe he should stop freeloading rather than make a feeble attempt to restore order when most of the party are blaming him.

"I have learnt my lessons about these matters. I just want to get on and show I can do a job and make a contribution and be a valuable part of the Labour Party and this Government." - I’m still mystified as to the valuable contribution to government that he’s done so far in 8-9 years. What is it? Blair rarely lets go of control long enough for Prescott to have actually deputized the PM’s job. I’m fairly confident though that, given a fair shot at the job, he would have screwed it up royally.

David Cameron, the Tory leader, said his party would ask for answers to "very legitimate questions" that had arisen about Mr Prescott's role since Mr Blair reshuffled his Cabinet on Friday. "He seems to have lost his job but kept his pay and perks," he said. – and yet he still denies freeloading at taxpayers’ expense.

Mr Prescott said it was a myth to suggest he was "stripped" of office. He said he had asked the Prime Minister more than a year ago to allow him to focus on chairing cabinet committees and representing Mr Blair abroad rather than running the department for local government and planning – This I find hard to believe. He asked a year ago to have a new job to coincide with damaging revelations on his private life and blaming the damage on himself. Does this look like a coincidence to you or more like one of those New Labour excuses when you’ve been sacked?

He accused Tory critics such as Lord Heseltine, himself a former deputy prime minister, of "snobbishness" in protesting against his use of Dorneywood, the official country house in Buckinghamshire. He added: "Heseltine already has a big house in the country, and perhaps others in other parts of the world. I have one house [in Hull] and one car [a second-hand Jaguar]." – This I find incredible, ever since these people came into power they’ve blamed the Tories for everything they’ve done wrong, up to and including the foreign deportees debacle. Heseltine has a big house in the country and maybe others. Yes. He’s not asking the tax payer to fund it is he? He has declared directorships and financial interests that pay for most of that. Whereas Prescott £130,000 salary, Domeywood, all the cars, plus the very office he used as a sex parlour are all tax payer funded. We’re not bothered about him having sex outside marriage, having two jags or any of that stuff. We’re bothered about paying for it and not seeing results, a common complaint I have with New Labour.

Reid: "No More Cock Ups"

New Home Secretary John "Attack Dog" Reid has written for the News of the World: This extract is from politics.co.uk:

"The newly-appointed home secretary John Reid has said there will be no more 'cock-ups' over important Home Office systems. He said the current situation over foreign prisoners and deportation "just isn't good enough" but said he was eager to get started and sort it out.

It was recently revealed that more than 1,000 inmates have been released from prison without being considered for deportation, costing Mr Reid's predecessor, Charles Clarke, his job in the cabinet reshuffle. Speaking at the start of his new job, Mr Reid said taxpayers were right to demand that government systems worked properly.

"My task is to reduce fear and increase fairness for all citizens," he wrote in the News of the World.

He said that the courts should not put the rights of foreign prisoners before the safety of the British people, writing: "They [the public] believe that it is wrong if court judgments put the human rights of foreign prisoners ahead of the safety of UK citizens. "They believe that the government and their wishes are often thwarted by the courts. They want the deportation for foreign nationals to be considered early in their sentence, and are aware that this was overruled by the courts."

He added: "And they rightly believe that official systems in my new department, paid for by their taxes, shouldn't cock up systemically. "They believe the present situation isn't good enough and I agree with them.""

So, now that he's committed to no more cock-ups the Guttersnipe clock is ticking for his first one. Can I get decent odds on less than a year?

UPDATE: A matter of hours in reality - this isn't a systemic cock up but Iain Dale has chalked one up already. Maybe old Reid should give the PM his figures before he's asked about them.

Stop the Labour Leadership Contest Now!!!

I've just uncovered this from icBirmingham:

"CLARE Short is being lined up to stand against Tony Blair in a leadership election which could force his resignation, Westminster sources claimed last night."

Aaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhh!!

Can you think of any choice worse than Brown or Short??? We would be safer fleeing to Somalia.

It's not Often I agree With Labour People But....

.... Roy Hattersley writes a thumping good bit in the Guardian today.

"There was a time when the prime minister believed in something. His vision of the good society was one which I did not share. But I accepted that he wanted more than power alone. Now he believes in nothing except hanging on, in the hope of regaining some of his lost reputation. Not even the present Labour party will tolerate that for long."

The approaching bloodshed is not good for government. The Tories have proved it's not even good in opposition. Any legislation they want to pass will now be subject to each camp's agenda and none of this is good for the country.

As much as I believe that a lengthy Blair term is a good prospect for a Tory government next time round, I can't say I want to live through the 2-3 years that would lead up to that.

The Plan Worked Mr. Blair

The bloggers' rumour mill was speculating that the big reshuffle was just an act to get the horrific Labour losses off the front pages.

Well Mr. Blair those loyal and uniquely funded scamps at the Blair Broadcasting Corporation have granted your wish.

First Job for Hilary Armstrong

Now that former chief whip Hilary Armstrong has been moved to Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster I would like to invite her to do something worthwhile in this role.

Just up the road from me is Knaresborough Castle. This fine feature is property of the Duchy of Lancaster (according to the plaque on the side) and could probably do with repairing.

If you're going to do the job then do the job I say.

Share of the Vote

Before you all come back at me I know full well all the disclaimers yadda yadda yadda but I couldn't resist putting the "share of the vote" banded around at last night's elections into http://www.electoralcalculus.co.uk - it made for an interesting read:

CON majority of 80

CON seats - 363, LAB seats - 168, LIB - 83

It does give us some good scalps to claim as well:

Clare Short loses to LIB (I never thought I'd be grateful to the LibDems for anything)
Jack Straw loses to CON
Ruth Kelly loses to CON
Margaret Beckett loses to LIB
Chris Huhne loses to CON
Alistair Darling loses to CON
Glenda Jackson loses to CON
Frank Dobson loses to CON
Gerald Kaufman loses to CON
Charles Clarke loses to LIB
Beverley Hughes loses to LAB

A fantasy election I know, but I'm wondering how many Labour backbenchers and frontbenchers are now starting to worry about their diminishing majorities.

UPDATE: More Reshuffle Thoughts

Ruth Kelly moves from putting paedophiles in teaching jobs to setting Council Tax.

Two Shags retains the DPM role but has been stripped of his portfolio - why? I'll bet he has not been stripped of the DPM salary, just the work. What can we hold him accountable for now?

I've just had further scary thoughts about Margaret Beckett's appointment. The BBC reminds me that she is now in charge of the Iranian issue. I think my plans to buy a nuclear bunker were very very sound.

What Planet are the LimpDims From?

I love the LibDems I really do, I might have a tinge towards blue with my overall outlook (you may have noticed) but I find the LibDems truly entertaining. They love to paint themselves as a party that is out of this world when really they are a party not on this planet.

Last night during my long haul viewing of Sky News I was watching David Laws on their results so far - he sat their straight faced and said "We are really happy, this is our best result ever" - at the time the ticker on the screen was pointing out that they were 19 seats down on their 2004 result. Grant Schapps astutely pointed out the error in their equation. Doesn't make you confident of their maths to sort out the pensions crisis does it?

LibDem chief executive Lord Rennard told the BBC: "We consider it a good morning actually, to push the Labour Party into third place nationally is not something we'd expected a few years ago.

The trouble is Labour are not in 3rd place. With the LibDems currently on 803 councillors, to Labour's 1072 and Tories' 1605 it doesn't take my public school education to place the Libs in 3rd.

There's a great difference between accepting defeat and just not even acknowledging it - after the General Election they announced that they were the "Real opposition" despite the Tories having 3 times as many seats as them.

They live in a different world but you have to love their entertainment value since the Monster Raving Loonie Party don't get much coverage any more.

Is Margaret Beckett In Charge of Thing Now?

According to Iain Dale the Foreign Office was due to be split between Europe under Geoff Hoon and Rest of the World under Margaret Beckett (shudder).

This is now apparently not the case - Beckett's thrown her teddy out and made everybody know that she is Foreign Secretary and that's that. This leaves Hoon without his "Secretary of State" status.

This highlights two things:
1 - The "New Team" isn't so much a team but an infighting mess reminiscient of Major's Tories
2 - It reinforces the view that those people making messes are reasonably safe - after all Prescott, Hewitt, Kelly and Jowell are all still in, but can anyone tell me what Straw and Hoon have done to deserve demotion?

I imagine Mr. Brown has just found himself 2 new supporters.

Labour's Pre-arranged Election Defeat Soundbites

"It was a difficult time and "lessons had to be learned", he said. " - Tony Blair May 2004 after Labour lost 479 council seats

"We have got to listen to the people and respond wisely and sensibly." - Tony Blair May 2005 after Labour lost 100 seats

"The results were a "warning shot" for the government and that the Labour party had to "renew" itself to deal with the challenges of the future. " - Gordon Brown after May 2006 local elections where Labour lost 250+ seats

Saying roughly the same message now (I mean how many warning shots do they need?) as then but notice who is doing the talking now? Note the use of the phrase needs to "renew" - it doesn't come much more blatant than that does it?

"He indicated he would be talking to the prime minister at the weekend about the way forward." - just who's actually in charge now? I imagine that Mr. Brown's way forward will probably have Teflon Tone moving forward and out of the door.

Reshuffle Horrors Begins

I'm trying to believe what I read here, but apparently this is the case:

Prescott remains as DPM despite all the allegations of sexual harrasment. Go figure!

It gets worse:

Margaret Beckett is to become Foreign Secretary!!!!!. Yes foreign secretary, she gets to have all those cosy chats with Condi and Dubya. She is going to have some major links into foreign policy. What the hell are these people thinking? This is a woman who can't even handle paying farmers on time and now she's sorting out the Middle East? At least her 110 flights might be justified in this role, and frankly whatever keeps this woman out of the country must be a good thing.

Jack Straw is to become Leader of the House. Clearly Hoon was getting walked by Theresa May (there's a thought). Does this man have any pride? I can't say I like the guy but I didn't spot any real problems with his foreign work, although if the man had a backbone he'd have told Blair to shove up his arse.

The Quarterback is toast - the Safety Elephant is no longer in the cabinet but has been replaced by John Reid as Home Secretary! You know Mr Reid, the man who trades lives for votes, the man who launched the smoking ban, the man who is now in charge of implementing ID cards. I think I'm going to buy a nuclear bunker - its the only safe place left.

Apparently Tessa Jowell and Peter Hain keep the same jobs. Well frankly who has Blair got left?

I didn't think he'd have the courage to move Brown.

Restructuring in the Office of the DPM

I've just heard the news on Radio 2 and the inquiry about bullying and harrasment in the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister. The Office has apparently agreed that a retraining program be implemented:

Might I suggest the following important lessons:

1. Secretaries are not there for sexual graification
2. Potential Voters / Protestors / Anyone should not be punched in the line of duty
3. Bullying is illegal under the same legislation the rest of us work under.
4. Office Hours are 9 to 5, sex hours are outside those.

Got that Prezza?

UPDATE: The BBC has caught up with Guttersnipe here. They do however have more information than I do:

"In response to the committee's findings, which were published on 26 January, the department said it did not tolerate any form of harassment and "took the issue very seriously". "

Surely the fact that Prescott is still there constitutes tolerating harrasment?

Italy Returns to Fine Italian Tradition

Hat tip to Woof for this piece:

"Cowardly Prodi is likely to order that Italian troops engage reverse and hit the accelerator hard, as Italian troops are withdrawn from Iraq."

Nice to see Italy getting back to its roots after all that Berlusconi stuff.

Reminds me of an old veteran I saw at a WW2 gala who looked into an armoured car on display and said, "Ah you can tell this is an Italian vehicle, it's got 15 reverse gears".

Bless em all

Pic: Strange Politics

Peerages Row Names Hain

From BBCi (later than expected, see Iain Dale):

"Mr Law was offered a peerage not to stand against Labour in Blaenau Gwent at the last general election, Plaid's Commons leader Elfyn Llwyd claimed. "

"Mr Llwyd's allegation was made during Commons business questions. He said Mr Hain was acting on the authority of the Prime Minister. "

"Mr Llwyd told MPs: "New Labour, in an effort to prevent him from standing for Parliament, offered him a peerage.

"The man named as being responsible is the Secretary of State for Wales who made the offer on the specific authority of the Prime Minister."

Mr Llwyd demanded a debate on the "corrupt practice". "

Tony Blair had previously claimed that he knew nothing of these practices and that all that sort fo thing went through Jack Dromey (who I doubt is going to disappear quietly).

I would like to know what information actually does reach the PM, apparently this doesn't inlcude appointment of peerages or the release of foreign prisoners.

A Question of Priorities

I'd like to take a moment to bring together two points about Labour expenditure that fellow bloggers have commented on. The first is from Blog regular Iain Dale:

"Some time ago New Labour rewarded its Trade Union comrades with £10 million of your public money to subsidise their various activies and to enable them to 'modernise'"

and then have a look at this one from Wat Tyler at Burning Our Money:

""Although such a system would have increased the probability of the aircraft's survival, neither the board of inquiry nor the independent senior air accident investigator concluded that it would definitely have changed the tragic outcome."
Wouldn't definitely have saved their lives, huh? The whole shebang would only have cost £250,000 plus £50,000 per aircraft. "

So £2.75 million (for a fleet of 50 planes) to strengthen an already stretched military and increase the survival of our soldiers abroad and at home can't be done, but £10 million so that Trade Unions can have more modern methods of pushing outdated socialist dogma that's fine.

Which one would you do without? I spend quite a lot of my work with veterans of conflicts from the First World War through to veterans of the current troubles in Iraq and frankly my blood is boiling. This is worse than selling peerages. This is trading lives for votes. These people on both sides of this make me sick.

SURVIVING SOLDIERS OR NEW UNION SOFAS

You Decide

Prescott Responds to New Allegations?

Given The Sun today I can't help but think that this picture shows a touch too much optimism.

Hat Tip to Dizzy Thinks for the pic.

Weekly Round Up of Parliamentary Nonsense II

The second week of Parliamentary nonsense has managed to uncover more incoherent questioning slotted in between the important issues of the day.

Enjoy these.... your tax money funds them...

Mr. Drew: To ask the Secretary of State for Transport what discussions he has had with the rail companies to seek agreed policies on the transportation of bikes on trains.

Mr. Hancock: To ask the Chancellor of the Exchequer if he will make representations to the EU to enable him to introduce a zero rate of VAT on sun lotion.

Continuing his crusade - Gregory Barker: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs what assessment she has made of the quantity of illegal littering of public areas by chewing gum.

Mr. Gregory Campbell: To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport what percentage of new television sets being sold are estimated to be high definition ready.

Mr. Amess: To ask the Secretary of State for Trade and Industry what the price of a (a) first class and(b) second class stamp has been in each year since 1976.

Dr. Alasdair McDonnell: To ask the Chancellor of the Exchequer how many people in Wales speak Welsh, according to the latest census data.

The corridors of power must be humming....

Is The Sun Setting For Blair?

We've all heard the great Sun Headline "It's the Sun Wot Won It". The truth being that it's not the Sun telling it's readers how to vote, Murdoch's far cleverer than that. The Sun prints what its readers want to read. As such, as the biggest selling newspaper, it is a good indicator of the public mood.

Sister paper The Times has been overly critical of Blair and Labour as a whole for months now, and it seems finally that the Sun has lost its rag with Teflon Tone. Today it has steered away from blaming all politicians and has pointed squarely at Labour. About time too!

"The flood of illegal immigrants was a trickle when Labour took power.
It exploded nightly on TV as France funnelled its unwanted flotsam across the Channel.
Not a finger was lifted as they poured through gaps in the fence, boarded ferries, hid in trucks and jumped on the Eurostar to Blighty.
Ministers sat on their hands and — disgracefully — branded critics “racist” . . . until elections loomed."

"They ignored the fury of their own supporters as illegals jumped the queue for homes and welfare.
Evidence of soaring AIDS and TB was swept under the carpet.
Now the PM and Home Secretary Charles Clarke claim they acted the moment the alarm was raised in July by Audit Office watchdogs.
Rubbish."

With the General Election as far away as 2009 there's plenty of time for the Sun to point out every failing they can see to the biggest readership in the country. They have started today with a barrage of questions.

"WHY violent illegals earmarked for deportation are freed after serving half their time.
WHY their human rights come ahead of those they attack and rob.
WHY their right to residency or asylum is not revoked the moment they are convicted.
WHY criminals who destroy their papers are not kept in jail until they reveal their nationality.
And most damningly of all, why hasn’t Charles Clarke been sacked? "

Remember Sun Editors print what sells newspapers so go out and buy the Sun today and keep this kind of journalism going for Labour's throat.

Election Day - Use Your Vote!

pic: Backing Blair

Reid Still Not Singing From The Same Hymn Sheet

The Prime Minister at PMQs has told David Cameron that this problem started under Tory control back in 1995 when they designed a faulty system. That was at about 12.10pm.

Defence Secretary John Reid is just been on Jeremy Vine's show saying that Charles Clarke got us into the mess and is as such the best man to fix it.

So who's cocked up here? Charles Clarke or Michael Howard? Labour or Conservatives? Come on NuLab either make your mind up or at least get all your guys spinning the same way.

PMQs - The Cheek of the Man!!!!

Tony Blair has just had the gall to suggest in PMQs that the problem of failing to deport foreign criminals on release began in 1995 when David Cameron was a special adviser to the Home Office.

PATHETIC!

Punch has returned at PMQs today and quite rightly so.

Perhaps we should also note the complete absence of the phrase "Charles Clarke is the best man for the job". It sounds like the gallows have been built and the hangman given his shilling.

Reshuffle Speculation Begins

Always at the cutting edge of political journalism the Blackburn Citizen has the following:

"BLACKBURN MP and Foreign Secretary Jack Straw is being tipped at Westminster to take over as Deputy Prime Minister if John Prescott is forced to quit over his affair with his Diary Secretary. Some observers even see Mr Straw as a leadership candidate if the PM is forced out of office by the latest rash of problems surrounding the government."

The question this raises for me is who then will replace Straw as Foreign Secretary? The only person Blair has on side and unblemished is NuLab android Hazel Blears and I shudder to think what would happen if we sent her off on Middle East diplomacy.

So what do we think? Place your reshuffle predictions in the comments and see what we come up with. Has he got any clean, loyal people left?

Was the Cop Killer One of the Thousand?

The Home Office is investigating whether Mustaf Jamma, a suspect in the killing of Bradford PC Sharon Bechenivsky is one of those 'considered for deportation' cases.

Coming from the local area as I do I have seen this crime touch many hearts in the region. If it turns out that he should have been deported then Clarke had better not show his face in Yorkshire for the next 50 years.

What's Going on Behind Closed Doors?

BBCi:

"Mr Prescott was meeting the prime minister on Tuesday afternoon but Downing Street says the talks are only "routine". "

Sure - nothing to see here... move along... move along.

Can anybody tell me if "Five Shags" has regular closed doors meetings with the PM? Anyone? If the "affair(s)" were discussed does this mean that it's no longer a private matter "between John and Pauline"?

Loans for Peerages Reopened

This is an extract from reports on BBCi:

"A committee of MPs is preparing to resume its inquiry into the
"cash for peerages" allegations.
The Public Administration Committee will
decide whether to resume its probe once it knows if there is a realistic chance
of police bringing charges. "

So even after we get the local elections over with, Tony Blair and his cronies will be subjected to even more muckraking.

I am hoping we can look forward to a few more scalps and a few criminal charges thrown in.

Foreign Deportees Update: Something Happens

From BBCi:

"Judges in England and Wales are expected to get revised guidance
on when they should recommend that foreign criminals ought to be deported. "

Amazing how quickly reforms get pushed through when you've been exposed as an incompetent blight on the government. Some of this is obviously sticking to Blair.

Red Ken's Yellow Stuff

From today's Indy:

"David Cameron cycles to work, followed by a chauffeur-driven car that carries his briefcase and work shoes. Sir Menzies Campbell has bidden a tearful farewell to his gas-guzzling Jaguar. Tony Blair had the lamp outside 10 Downing Street's famous front door fitted with a low-energy bulb. But Ken Livingstone, Mayor of London, has taken the battle for the environment to an entirely new level. For the past 15 months, Mr Livingstone revealed to The Independent, no one in his household has flushed the toilet after urinating."

He proceeds to give further ideas on what you can do with urine. Suddenly my day has got so surreal

David Davies MP on Jeremy Vine

I've just been listening to David Davies MP (Monmouth, not the Shadow Home Secretary) on Radio 2's Jeremy Vine show issuing his forthright views on the foreign criminals issue. Admirably he's stuck right into the idea of an automatic deportation for foreign nationals who are imprisoned for anything.

Go brother go! He was up against some obvious Guardian reading type who was going on about "individual cases" and the need to protect human rights.

Since this debacle started I've always been thinking "why are these people here?" - get shut of these people and who cares what happens to them then.

You can get hold of David's interview from BBC Listen Again as of tomorrow. I would recommend listening to it.

Look to Labour's Record in Power

According to BBCi, Tony Blair has urged voters to look at Labour's record in government rather than the latest headlines ahead of the local elections in England.

Let's take a look at Labour's record in power shall we?

- Selling Peerages
- Release of 1,023 prisoners who should have been considered for deportation.
- John Prescott fails to pay Council Tax
- Over half the country now dependent on the state.
- Terrorism has increased
- Crime has increased
- Truancy has increased
- Illiteracy has increased
- Electoral Fraud has increased
- Immigration out of control
- EU Rebate steadily handed back
- Cuts in defence yet we have had more wars

I'm sure I could go on.... I'm reminded of the much loathed 'New Labour.. New Danger" poster of old. Well to all you Labour voters out there... we told you so.

Who Is Charles Clarke Accountable To?

Charles Clarke has told the Eastern Daily Press:

"My own political future depends on my own strength of character dealing with the points that are raised, first.
"Secondly (it depends) on the support of my own political colleagues, and thirdly and most importantly, on the decisions of the Prime Minister.
"If I lost that support, that would be different. I hope I will continue as Home Secretary."

No mention of the support of the voting public then?

He added:

"We have still got some challenges which still need to be completed and I think
I am the best person to carry that through."

Well as my previous posts show - we disagree Charlie!

Am I the only one in the country thinking that we should have the right to fire this idiot? We're paying his wages after all.

48 Hours to Save the Labour Party?

From Sky News:

With Labour facing "it's worst council results in 40 years" Tony Blair is hitting the campaign trail. with now less than 48 hours before the polls open he has a mountain to climb to win back public support after the Charles Clarke's catastrophic Home Office debacle and John Prescott's alleged multiple affairs.

This raises some questions for me, namely:
1. Is Tony Blair really the finest electoral asset the Labour party has? The man that has been removed from election leaflets, the man that has many people voting Tory just to get rid of him rather than Labour.

2. Where is the slightly better electoral asset that they have in Gordon Brown? Is he still in Africa (when did he last take an interest in Britain?) sunning himself with Angelina Jolie. Incidentally Angelina Jolie has been saying what a wonderful Prime Minister GB would make, isn't she the woman whose judgement is so sound she married Billy Bob Thornton?

To add to all this Prescott is getting out on the campaign trail as well. Where's Alistair Campbell when they need him?

The John Prescott Issue is Not Personal and Private - Here's Why....

In the case of any normal sex scandal, or even a couple of the Liberal Democrat ones I've always held the opinion that these sorts of things are a private matter. The fact that Boris Johnson had an affair didn't bother me in the slightest, nor did any of the stories about Mark Oaten... each to his own.

But I'm now tired of the Labour party throwing out the defence of "well this is a matter for John and Pauline". It's wrong. Prescott can sleep with as many secretaries as he likes, but now that we have had allegations of sexual harrasment, lifting up his secretray's skirt in meetings, having sex in office hours in the middle of work and so on and so on we have a right to know. We have the right to an enquiry. We, after all, are his employers.

I challenge you all, go to work tomorrow and give your secretary a right good seeing to on your desk and see how long your job lasts. They wouldn't even let you reach climax. Even if nothing had been proved yet you would be out on suspension.

If we make the slightest racy comment, have a Page 3 pinup at work or even hold a door open for a lady we get thrown around on charges of sexual discrimination or harrasment.

Charges that these tossers in power have landed us with in their quest for diversity.

So why is it then that the laws do not apply to the Deputy Prime Minister? Why?

It's time we had an enquiry into this, an enquiry that doesn't report to the Prime Minister. It's time that man was barred from office on suspension, and it's time they stopped clinging on to their jobs for the boys.