Thursday, December 20, 2007

A Thought Struck Me...

The Liberal Democrats' new leader, Nick Clegg, has announced a reshuffle of the party's front bench.

The full list is available here.

Now go have a look at that list… count them, there are 35 front bench positions in the commons that I can make out which by my calculations, based on the 2005 election count of 62MPs is 56.4% of the Parliamentary Party.

Any backbench rebellions aren’t going to last long are they?

Twas the Week Before Christmas...

... and all through the house not a creature was allowed to do anything fucking pleasurable at all.

It seems that those venal cunts in the government can’t seem to approach the Christmas period without attempting to ban something else.. so once again they target a group of people not known for their criminal intent…. Smokers


Motorists who smoke at the wheel could be prosecuted under a new rule in the latest edition of the Highway Code. Smoking drivers would be charged if it is thought they were driving without due care and attention.

Right can I start by suggesting to these cunts that driving without due care and attention is already illegal so why are the smokers being targeted for fuck’s sake… and since when did the Highway Code become fucking law??

Mr Fitzpatrick told BBC News: "What it says is that drivers should remember they have to concentrate and they shouldn't be distracted either by passengers, by loud music, by reading a map, or using a mobile phone or by smoking.

So what you’re saying Fitzy is that if we’re driving a car we shouldn’t be allowed to listen to the radio or talk to our passenger either? Is that the crux of your fucking argument you bureaucratic fucking bummer?

Perhaps now that you’ve banned mobile fucking phone use you’ll be complaining that we’re all now distracted by our Bluetooth sets and fucking SatNavs that we’ve installed. You can just tell that this fucktard gets driven everywhere he has to go can’t you.

Can you explain how say a coach driver taking a load of kids to Alton Towers cannot be distracted by passengers?

But it gets worse…

"If you're lighting up with one hand and have a fag in the other hand then obviously you've not got any hands on the wheel. So I think what we're saying is concentration is very important in the prevention of accidents."

Let’s read that first part again shall we?

"If you're lighting up with one hand and have a fag in the other hand then obviously you've not got any hands on the wheel.”

What fucking cockbollocks… can you think of any smoker, any smoker at all that does this. Simple procedure... one hand places cigarette between lips, same hand then lights it. One hand...

For fuck’s sake… shall we have a few more statements of the fucking obvious for all us dumbasses who are out there on the fucking road?

- If you’re assraping a Thai ladyboy on the back seat when you should be driving then accidents may occur
- If you need to change gear don’t use both hands
- Do not deliberately drive your car into other people
- Steer the car with your hands not your arse
- In England we drive on the left.
- Do not release monkeys in your car

He said: "A major change is the code's inclusion of smoking at the wheel as behaviour that police may interpret as a distraction and failure to be in proper control of the vehicle.

Of course drinking a coffee at the wheel remains perfectly acceptable…

Campaign group Forest described the new smoking rule as "totally unnecessary".

… all the smoking rules are fucking unnecessary and you’ll note that while they apply to us the do not apply to the fucking Houses of Parliament where this fucktardery is thought up.

Anti-smoking organisation Ash said it strongly supported the move.

I wondered how long it would take for the fucking militant wing of the pleasure police to get involved. Fucking holier than thou venal vegan lefty twats… let me say something to any wankers in ASH who might be reading this.

- Firstly… if you are a non smoker you are still going to die.
- Secondly… if you are in ASH and own a car then fuck off… your car throws out far more dangerous pollutants than my cigarette and if my cigarette hits you at 40mph you will be unharmed.

So go and fucking calm down.. have a fag, it helps me.

Research manager Amanda Sanford said: "Clearly, smoking while driving can be a distraction and could lead to accidents “

Fucking hell… being fellated by a team of cheerleaders can be a distraction but they haven’t deemed fit to put it in the Highway fucking Code.

"It seems to be a perfectly sensible measure because the whole business of lighting up involves taking your hands off the wheel, so you're not driving with due care and attention."

And might I add so does changing gear or putting on the handbrake. Looking in the rear view mirror involves taking your eyes off the road. Shall we stop those as well?

Why not target the fucking drunks on the road this Christmas?

Fuck off! Just fuck off you fucking venal cunts!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Forget? I Don't Think So...

During the PMs press conference Gordo has ducked out from hiding behind Alistair Darling


Prime Minister Gordon Brown has said recent scandals to have hit the government, such as data loss and proxy donations, will be "quickly forgotten".

Since it is panto season…

Oh No They Fucking Won’t Sunshine!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Words Fail Me!

Today at his Commons grilling session Gordo said:

"You cannot make decisions and assume that people will simply follow them. Most decisions can only be successful if people are part of the process."

He then fucked off to sign the fucking EU treaty before you could say "We Still Want a Referendum"

Doesn't this count as lying to Parliament?

Fucking two-faced one-eyed cunt!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Government: Self-Serving Shameless Fucking Scum

In addition to our own armed forces appearing well down on our ratshit government’s priority list they are extending their shameless brand of cuntery to their aupport staff as well.


More than half the Iraqi interpreters who applied to come to live in Britain have had their applications rejected, drawing accusations that the Government is “wriggling out” of its promise to help former Iraqi employees. The Times has learnt that 125 of the 200 interpreters who took up the offer to resettle in Britain have failed to meet the strict criteria laid down for eligibility.

Labour wriggling out of a promise? Well there’s something new isn’t there?

We have campaigned for these people to be granted asylum for months on the basis that they have put themselves in the firing line for the betterment of their country and if you believe Blair’s look on everything bettering ours as well.

But no… this is fucking Labour isn’t it? And their army of fucking nit-picking fucking civil cunt servants whose sole experience of running from something is running from one fucking taxpayer-funded gravy train to the next.

In three cases seen by The Times, former Iraqi employees were told that they were ineligible because of “absenteeism”.

Absenteeism… I imagine that the Iraqi interpreters have a slightly different level of excuse for being absent from work. They’re not just sat on their arses at home with last night’s pizza watching Jeremy Kyle while they nurse the mildest hangover recorded since George Best had one small sherry.

They’re not taking the average civil servant’s fucking junket by spending an average of 5 weeks off on sick, or just fucking going on strike. They’re fucking being hunted down and killed along with their families you fucking fucks.

This is the letter they got.

“We have considered your case very carefully but we are sorry to inform you that, because your service with the British Forces was terminated for absence, you do not meet the minimum employment criteria for this scheme.”

And the reason for his absence?

Safa told The Times that he had never resigned but had been forced to stop working after receiving two bullets and a written death threat at his house in Basra in April. Married with one child, he said that he was advised by an army liaison officer and intelligence officials to stay at home until he felt safe.

So we advised him to stay off work, and then we fuck him over for doing so. Fucking mandarin cunts.

Lynne Featherstone, a Liberal Democrat MP who has championed the cause of the Iraqi interpreters, said that the Government needed to use its imagination in a difficult case.

Now.. much as Lynne’s got the right angle here… this is not a difficult case. This is a fucking piece of piss.

Meanwhile Batshit fucking smug ratcunt Milliband will be off in his comfortable fucking hotel signing the EU treaty to make sure we have fewer fucking rights than the Iraqis…

Cunts all of them, I cannot think of a better case for a live fucking beheading.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Terry: An Advert For State Education

Over at resident joke butt Terry Kelly's blog he is talking about his birthday...

"They say that you are getting on when you are glad that the phone is not ringing for you, well that has already happened and suddenly, yesterday it was, I became 59. Another big 0 approaches and a third of my life is almost over, I continue to grow old disgracefully."

So, as a lasting testament to the brilliance of his beloved state education system Terry believes a third of his life to be nearly over at 59.

Is the NHS keeping people alive until they are 180 these days?

Terry is, of course, Wendy Alexander's election agent. Curiously you'll find absolutely no posts about Wendy of late.

If you're in the mood, do check out
Terry Watch. Brilliant stuff.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Should He Be Sacked?


“The Conservatives have called for Paul Myners, the prominent businessman who is head of the Personal Accounts Delivery Authority (PADA), to be sacked after he attacked the party during an edition of BBC1's Question Time last week.

Chris Grayling, Tory pension spokesman, yesterday lodged a formal complaint with the Department of Work and Pensions and Secretary of State Peter Hain.”

Well the man’s entitled to his opinion… I think calling for him to be sacked is a bit much. On the same basis we could demand Terry Kelly and Neil Harding to be sacked. It would be a lovely world wouldn’t it?

No… don’t sack him, just look at his argument.

“The complaint comes after Mr Myners, former chairman of Marks and Spencer, accused David Cameron of being a "superior young toff" whose only job outside politics was to work at a TV company that "lost billions".”

Now I think given the whole woes of Marks and Spencer at the time Mr. Myners departed to become a Civil Service Labour Party stooge, this is a bit rich.

However say what he likes about David Cameron, his option appears to be a one-eyed arrogant cuntbubble who has never had a job outside politics.

Fairly easy to dismantle when you look at it isn’t it?

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Quote Of The Day... and It's Not In PMQs

OK I'm a geek (not in the same league as Dizzy mind) but I've never really seen the pull of World of Warcraft.

However this review in The Register caught my eye...

"For the hardcore World of Warcraft fan who has everything (but regular access to fresh air and sunlight, of course): How about a WoW-themed gaming notebook?

Dell is punting a special edition of the XPS M1730 emblazoned with World of Warcraft artwork and a goodie bag of extras."

Fairly techie stuff in the review... but the summary had me in stitches:

"If you were simply mulling the idea of permanent virginity before, now is your chance to really grab it by the horns. "

Give that man a promotion!

TwatWatch... Neil Harding!

Apparently, according to Neil Harding… all the current woes in Britain are down to Margaret Thatcher… 17 years after she stopped being Prime Minister she’s had such an effect that she’s still strangling the country after a greater length of time than she was in charge of it.

Amongst such things that Maggie should be taking full and personal responsibility for are Northern Rock, fat kids, being crap at sport and muslim terrorism by personal favourite, and the reason it has taken me so long to blog this due to laughter is…

"Dodgy Party Funding and DataGate - Thatcher's autocratic style and disregard for democracy 'won' elections and forced Labour to follow suit. Thatcher abolished local government and she put undemocratic Quangos in its place. We still haven't recovered from this top-down unaccountable managerial inefficiency."

Oh for fuck's sake, as Longrider and DK say... "Now I've heard everything".

Even Blair failed to stay in power as long as Thatcher. Let’s be fair here, Maggie was duly elected for an 11 year period, and even after that the nation elected the greyest man in politics rather than the lefty ginger welsh thoughtcrime that was Neil Kinnock. What was undemocratic about that?

Of course, you currently have a leader that has not been elected even by his own party, another leader, a deputy leader and a deputy leader wannabe who all got there through obtaining illegal money, and the Labour government have more unelected quangoes and appointed people in the Lords based on the size of their wallets than anyone else in history.

What… the fuck… are you thinking? That Thatcher forced Labour to bring in laws on election donations and then break them? What fucking lunacy!

Although I thoroughly enjoyed the irony of a dinosaur fucking socialist complaining about the evils of "top-down unaccountable managerial inefficiency".

Fucking priceless.

Just How Moral Is That Compass?

Over at Harry Haddock's fine shopkeeping nation... I believe he has reached breaking point.

"Then we had David ‘fly the red flag’ Blunkett. Misuse of public funds for his shag piece. Peter ‘dances like a dream’ Mandleson. Dodgy loans. Twice. Dodgy dossiers ~ no juicy sex action here, just a few thousand dead British servicemen, countless dead and injured Iraqi’s, a great scientist driven to suicide, and a country left in tatters. The general stench was so overwhelming it is hard to catalogue it all. Cash for honours ~ no wrong doing there, obviously. Tobacco advertising bans mysteriously lifted to the benefit of wealthy labour donors.

Meanwhile, without a hint of irony, they stand over us and tell us how simply horrid we all are. First it was handguns, as we couldn’t be trusted. Then fox hunting, a pastime for barbarians ~ oh, why can you not be civilised like us (that will get you back for the miners)?, You’re all eating fatty foods! And salt! And drinking to much! Stop smoking at the back ~ right, that’s it ~ banned (not in our place of work, obviously)! Thousand upon thousand of new laws to keep the rabble in line, while they attend parties with the great and the good to discuss funding their monster."

Do read the whole thing... It is a work of genius.

Putting It Into Perspective

Get accused of fiddling your expenses without proof... and you're managed out of the system.

"Despite being only 48, Andy Hayman, an assistant commisioner, said the "time was right" for him to leave his high-profile job as head of the specialist operations department at the Metropolitan Police, which includes anti-terror and protection squads."

"In recent weeks, it has emerged that Mr Hayman was facing an investigation into £15,000 of expenses claims and foreign trips with a woman police sergeant, Heidi Tubby, his former staff officer. Mr Hayman has denied any impropriety and has offered a justification for all expenditure."

However get caught bang to rights accepting illegal monies... and you're job's secure:

"Wayne David, Labour MP for Caerphilly, told BBC Radio Wales the non-declaration of donations was a "huge cock up" but there was "no question at all about Peter Hain being a man of integrity and transparent honesty". BBC

"Gordon Brown’s election chief, Douglas Alexander, ordered his sister not to resign as Scottish Labour Party leader for fear of causing fallout throughout the Cabinet. " Times

"Harriet Harman today insisted she will not be forced out of the Cabinet by her role in Labour’s unlawful donations crisis. " Telegraph

Fucking self-serving fucking cunting cunts!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Scottish Labour's Priorities...


"Meanwhile, the hunt is on for the "mole" who leaked the names of donors to the Sunday Herald newspaper.

Two Labour peers, Lord Maxton and Baroness Adams, have asked the police to investigate."

No doubt they'll put far more effort into checking the source of the leaks than they do with checking the source of donations.

I Might Not Know A Lot About Art...

...But I know bollocks when I see it….

Mark Wallinger has been named the winner of the Turner Prize for his replica of the one-man anti-war protest in Parliament Square, State Britain.

A replica of Brian Haw’s protest? A replica? So let me get this straight… this fucktard basically copied someone else’s work and got paid £25,000 for doing so. Meanwhile Brian Haw, who let’s not forget has just had his original work plagiarised by a Campari drinking twat, is still sitting out in the rain rather devoid of £25K he might just appreciate.

So, anyone want to start a petition?

“We, the undersigned believe that Brian Haws deserves £25K since he did the original work and there are copyright issues and all that, plus when Brian actually manages to get all our troops brought back home there’s nothing they’d like more than to go round and kick ten bells out of this conceptual fucktard”
Think it will catch on?
“For the exhibition he chose to display a film of him roaming the National Gallery in Berlin in a bear suit. “
Oh for fuck’s sake…. Can someone in the art world please, please have the courage to say “actually you know what? That’s bollocks”
A fucking bear suit and this makes him an artist? Probably the same calibre of artist that these chaps are then…

Every detail was copied from his tarpaulin shelter and tea-making area to the messages of support and hand-painted placards.

Get that… copied! In later years are we going to see school report cards that say “We are proud to give young Gutternsipe an A* as he has copied every detail of young Darren’s essays”.
Just fuck off…. And take your fucking artwork and shove it up your thought-provoking arse… in a postmodern fashion if you like.
However it’s not all £25,000 bungs to fucktards…. Some of them only get £5,000.
Nelson was shortlisted for Amnesiac Shrine, which features a maze of mirrors,
Anything like this one?

They get £5,000 for this sort of shit…. You can buy a Deputy Labour Leader for that amount.

Last year German-born artist Tomma Abts became the first woman painter to win the prize.
Well fuck me with Monet’s paintbrush…. Somebody actually won it for painting something? I don’t believe it… although it was probably just a wall with “I have painted something” written on it.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Did You Find What You Were Looking For? - November

Grateful as I am for every Guttersnipe who appears to view these sacred pages. Some of the things that are being searched for really raise too many questions:

Gordon brown kiddie fiddler (??? – Brown’s many things, but this?)
Twat problems (I share your pain brother or at least I think I do)
Harriet Harman is a cunt
David Abrahams rent boys
Teddy bear fucking muslims
Religious belief for spleen

But did this person find what he was looking for?

Goth girls fuck for money

And what the fuck was this person trying to find?

catalog lingerie scan grattan 19

Sunday, December 02, 2007

What Does One Have To Do To Get Fired?

My good Greek friend's lefty love interest is vowing not to go down without a fight...


"Wendy Alexander intends to carry on as Scottish Labour leader, despite continued pressure for her to quit over donations to her leadership campaign. "

Well that's not really surprising given that integrity and honour are seen as mere obstacles to becoming a Labour leader rather than desirable qualities.

Harman's still in a job, Mendhelson's still in a job, Hain's still in a job. What does one have to do to get fired in the Labour party?

However things are going to go from bad to worse in the future because the only thing that will make this story go away is if the protagonists go away, and Brown can't sack Harman because he doesn't employ her. The Labour Party would need to bung in a vote of no confidence in its Deputy Leader, Brown gets no bigger say that anyone else... and it does appear that she's not going to resign.

Now, the muttering has started for successors to Gordon Brown. But unlike the Tories, the Labour Party have no means of making a leadership challenge to get rid of Brown, any more than they could to get rid of Blair. If Brown wants to stay, he's staying.

We'll be putting up with this shower of shit for some time now.

Psychologically Dysfunctional... I Like It!

I don't usually look further into ConHome's Columnists section, however I do wish I'd written this:

The first run on a British bank for a century, and Brown’s reaction is to undermine the Bank of England governor through newspaper leaks. We get an ID fiasco beyond the realms of the imaginable, and Brown’s response is to blame a clerk and to attack the Conservatives for their 2005 election manifesto. It was that moment at PMQs which convinced me that Brown is, at best, psychologically dysfunctional. Only a machine could have felt it was in its tactical interests to attempt to blame David Cameron for the child benefit identity disaster. Now he seeks to end the career of Harriet Harman, rather than tell us the truth about what his campaign team knew about the illicit funding scandal.

Soon there will be insufficient useful idiots to take the bullets for Brown: who’s he going to use then? If I were (shudder) Ed Balls or Douglas Alexander, I would be lying awake at night, wondering how long I could rely on the protection of the Leader; how much would my years of devoted loyalty count for, if push comes – as it will – to shove? I doubt we’re able to begin to guess at the level of paranoia in the Bunker of the Fist. "

Go read the whole thing.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

We Didn't See This One Coming Now Did We?

It seems that anyone who thought that the dodgy donations scandal would be used to shoe-horn in state funding were right:

"The last week has shown the need for immediate changes in our own party.

"But I would also argue it has seen the need for broader change within our system of political funding," he told party supporters.

Gordon, let me be clear on this…

We don’t need you to change the rules on party funding. We just need you to fucking obey them!

"We have learned just how easily trust in our politics can be eroded. We must now complete the work of change, address the problems that still remain to be resolved, not hesitate to make the changes necessary and seek to build greater confidence in the integrity of our political system".
I think the changes necessary to build greater integrity in our political system is for you, and your party to fuck off. Right now. Just fuck off... and take your bunch of cocksnuffling charlatans with you.