Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Get Back to Fecking Work!

This may come as a surprise to people who have avoided the news but apparently the Civil Service is on strike today.

Good Lord I hear you cry… how will we cope? Should I stock up on food?

Well I’ve just been outside and I can assure you that the fabric of reality has not been torn out from under us. Life is going on, in fact probably a bit more efficiently.

I have a problem with this strike. Apparently it’s involving tax offices, benefits agencies and driving tests, and it’s the tax offices I have the issue with. They’re planning to strike on tax deadline day 31st January. Would it surprise any of you that this is their busiest day? No… me neither.

Now if Guttersnipe hands his tax return in a day late he gets a £100 fine. OK, I don’t like it but I can avoid it. However if I hand my tax return in on time and they process it a day late because they were on strike then I get a £100 fine.

What the fuck?

In my self-employed capacity, if there is a deadline in place and I deliver my services 1 day later than I have agreed with my client then either I agree to do this with the client, or he/she has the right to not pay me. Why is this not the case here? Surely the deadline needs to be extended to 1st February because the fucking monkey brained morons handling the tax have been bravely manning the picket lines fannying about at home watching Trisha and Diagnosis Murder.

When the private sector goes on strike, the hapless businessman has to adapt all his deadlines and prices to fit in with the new timescales that his workers have dictated to him. From the government… nothing, we just have to fucking put up with it. They are making a whole run of tax returns late for their strike and they’ll fine us for the bastard privilege.

For once I’m not going to insist that the government steps in to improve the lives of these people instead:

- Fine each of them £100 for every tax return that they make late.
- If they insist on not working sack them
- If they really want to see their pension provision fucked over then put them in the private sector.


More on
Regular Rantings regarding my issues with the tax office.

Just Lock This Twat Up Will You?

I’m back… and thank you to the poor greek chap who sent me a rather pleasant letter asking me to return some time ago.

Well I had a break for a while, but Old shoot from the hip Reid has set the Guttersnipe blood boiling again….
He has been writing in the Guardian.

If you renovate a house you start by taking the wallpaper off. Only then do you discover more problems. That's what it is like in the Home Office. But the idea that you stop fixing things because you discover more problems is not my way.

No of course not Rambo… to stop fixing things when you discover new problems would suggest that you got off your arse and started fixing things in the first place. But instead, you’ve lounged around on the front page of the Daily Star haven’t you you headline grabbing fecktard! Anything to get in the papers eh? Well anything unless it gets you in the paper under the headline “John Reid Fixes Home Office Catastrophe”

No one need tell me that there are problems at the Home Office. I know. That's why when I came in I instigated a root-and-branch overhaul and why I said parts of the Home Office were "not fit for purpose".

And whose fault was that then Reidy? I can’t imagine that this is the fault of the Major government is it? Nope.. you’re harping on about removing wallpaper all well and good but I would like to make a couple of points if I may.

First of all the aforementioned wallpaper was all put up by Labour, and
Bollocks to the wallpaper… if you’re wanting to remove something then WHY NOT START WITH THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS? Or is it simply that you know where the wallpaper is?

These problems don't leave me beleaguered.

No but they do leave us beleaguered, since we’re the ones who are getting knifed by every knife wielding gun toting Somali deportation case that you’ve “lost”. I’m sure if we had copious amounts of free travel, a wad of taxpayers money and the life of fucking McRiley then we’d not be beleagured either.

If we weren't discovering more we wouldn't be reforming.

You’re not reforming though.

Indeed I expect more problems.

Then we have something in common… as so do I.

If we just fix the old structures we will not be prepared for challenges such as identity crime, people smuggling, and illegal migration. I was sent to the Home Office to do a job. Being home secretary is my biggest challenge. But it isn't mission impossible. Judge me not on the challenges but on my response to them.

OK Rambo… let’s have a look at the response to them shall we? Pay attention you chrome-domed celtic twat.

28 May 2006 - “John Reid, the Home Secretary, has gone on holiday to France while his Whitehall department battles with a string of crises, The Sunday Telegraph has learned. He is not expected to return to Britain until after the Bank Holiday”

31 May 2006 - Stung by criticism of his decision to take a holiday while his department is in crisis, John Reid arranged to be photographed attending a series of dawn raids yesterday as police and immigration officers searched for released foreign criminals. .But last night, the stunt appeared to have backfired spectacularly as legal experts warned that his actions could jeopardise the legal process of removing the arrested suspects from Britain.

So… in line with your request Rambo I have judged you on your responses and you are shite, you were shite 6 months ago when you said “100 days to fix the Home Office”, and unlike a fine wine you have not improved with time… you are still shite.

So basing my judgements on your responses I would like to echo
a statement I made sometime ago.

You Useless Reactionary Twat!

Look at the passport service. A few years ago there were long queues; now the agency has better customer satisfaction than Tesco or Amazon.

I am sure it has… or at least it has if Tesco and Amazon define customer satisfaction as having to do without their holiday if they don’t buy from us, waiting 8 weeks for a rubber stamp and having your irises scanned and fingerprints taken to prop up that ID card scheme that’s not really Big Brother watching us is it? Is that the definition of customer satisfaction Rambo?

Do you surf eBay and see all that positive feedback saying “Wonderful seller… made me wait 8 weeks and then placed a shitload of confidential information about me on file in the name of stopping terrorism”? I don’t think you do. In short, and I might have mentioned this before. You are a cunt!

Last week I was lambasted when the lord chancellor, the attorney general and I set out the big picture on prisons and sentencing to the National Criminal Justice Board. This was unfair - the lord chief justice made clear that I had "not sought to instruct judges to stop imposing sentences of imprisonment".

The Lord Chief Justice might back you since he’s a political lackey. Sadly the judges, you know, the people on the front line don’t. After you weighed them down with guidelines on how you want them to do their fecking job they backfired on you… in style. But as usual you can blame the judges. I’m surprised you haven’t found any civil servants to fire yet.

Quoting the support of the Lord Chief Justice is like saying “I can assure you that there is no dodgy dealings going on with peerages, bith Lord Levy and Ruth Turner agree”. Twat!

There is pressure on prison places because we are bringing 300,000 more offences to justice every year than five years ago

All of whom motorists while we’re letting the nonces, murderers and hijackers go.