Friday, June 30, 2006

Why Do We Give These People A Say?

If ever you’re in need of a really good laugh or something to rant at, have a look at the “Have Your Say” section of the BBC web site. Where do they find these people?

Basically the formula goes that if you’re a leftist moron you’ll get printed. Kinda like the Guardian where if you’re a leftist moron you get to write your own column.

Looking at the comments on the election results I found this gem.

A good result for the Liberal Democrats. Hopefully the reduction in the Conservatives seats will signal a shake up for the bigger parties, so that they might get their acts in gear and introduce policy that works on the micro as well as the macro level.Nice to see Chislehurst on the news at least!

Can anyone tell me how many seats the Conservative’s lost in last night’s by-election?

Toynbee - What The Feck Are You Thinking?

Polly’s Back today with a brand new load of bollocks about childcare and how voting Tory will probably mean that your children will all die of typhoid. Today she's bigging up the government waste of space that has been the SureStart programme. Clearly she's taken up residence in Narnia with Blair and Blears.

Dark forces were unleashed by the disastrous first evaluation of Sure Start, Labour's flagship programme for saving children from early damage. The research has just been republished in the British Medical Journal, creating another round of bad-news stories from the same recycled material.

An interesting opening into this article. Polly’s covering childcare. Now note the use of the phrase “another round of bad-news stories from the same recycled material”.. well Ms T, can I refer you to the remarks you made in April on the very same subject. Nice to see you’re off to such a flying start.

Sure Start children's centres have watched with alarm over recent weeks as Tony Blair tosses out apparently casual asides suggesting it isn't working. He said: "When we started Sure Start there was an idea it would lift all boats on a rising tide. It has not worked out like that." He did it yet again at a conference last week, to the despair of many present from the voluntary sector. Why this persistent denigration of what should be his own best legacy?

Best legacy? Have a look above Polly, you’ve said “Dark forces were unleashed by the disastrous first evaluation of Sure Start”. The evaluation was disasterous because SureStart is a huge money wasting fuck up that doesn’t work. It just doesn’t work! Get it into your head.

At prime minister's questions this week, Margaret Moran stepped in to urge him "to join me in congratulating staff" at the 11th Sure Start to open in her Luton constituency. It obliged him to sing its praises for once.

Well you see that’s not strictly true is it Pol? You see according to Hansard:

The Prime Minister: I can assure my hon. Friend that it is our intention to keep up the investment in children’s centres. Sure Start, too, is an immensely important programme that has not only allowed hundreds of thousands of people to get access to facilities that help their children but also benefited many parents enormously. In addition, we are trying to support people through the work-life balance, the children’s tax credit, and increases in maternity leave and maternity pay. All that adds up to a package that results not in simply talking about helping families but in supporting them in realistic and practical ways throughout the country.”

I don’t see the staff of SureStart being congratulated there, I see the same old Blair bollocks of talking about investment and how we were all flat cap wearing slaves who could only afford to eat their own feet under the Tories. We had childcare before SureStart, it was called nursery. The biggest differences are that SureStart costs more and teaches children nothing.

“But it will take more than that to undo the damage as copycat ministers now parrot the same ignorantly blase view. How quickly they tire of the last quick bright thing.”

Especially when it’s not working eh Pol?

Seeing is believing. Those who know local projects come away bowled over by them.

And no doubt reeling from £3m of their tax money having been pissed up the wall.

Interestingly, the one positive result from Sure Start's flawed research found that children were receiving "warmer parenting" with less smacking and criticism, more talking and affection. That may not create a super vocabulary or IQ score, but it can protect them from the worst.

Of course this could be a by product of painting every parent who smacks a child as a sickening child abuser. Protect them from the worst what exactly? Does SureStart take in child abusers and re-educate them? I don’t think it does somehow. Are parents coming out of the SureStart programme thinking “well I was going to teach my children to take heroin but now I can see the error of my ways”. Jesus woman, has it crossed your mind that children are being smacked less because parents are electing other forms of discipline?

The rates of youth crime, teenage pregnancy and yobbishness have all gone up since Blair and his SureStart scheme have been here. Were this not the case there would be no need for mountains of ABSOs and a Respect agenda. Wake up woman!

Politicians' need for instant gratification puts long-term programmes in constant peril. Labour started many excellent pilots, schemes and trials in the past nine years only for their good results to get lost as ministers move on in Blair's reckless game of ministerial musical chairs.

Name one… please name one.

Not only Sure Start but the whole Every Child Matters programme is being questioned at the highest levels inside Downing Street and the Cabinet Office. ECM makes schools the focal point for giving children wrap-around help from breakfast clubs to after-school clubs, plus sports, music and homework help.

Should schools really be the focal point for all this? Especially when we have such a problem getting the parents to send their kids to school anyway. Schools should be the focal point for education and that’s it. Teachers do a laudable job as pseudo-therapists and social workers (my own did) but their main focus, talent and ability is in teaching. The more of this additional lifestyle balance bollocks we pile onto the teachers the less they can educate the children, this is being reflected not in exam results as they are just made easier, but in the high adult illiteracy rates.

David Cameron, no doubt on the lookout for potential cuts, said last week he had visited Wythenshawe where one woman told him Sure Start "is a complete and utter waste of 3m quid". (Will all his policies be based on convenient anecdotage?)

Here we go… it’s all going to be doom and gloom under the Tories isn’t it? Always looking to swipe the food from orphan children isn’t he? Convenient anecdotage you say… Well god forbid we have a politician who bases his policies on what the public have said to him eh Pol? Where would we be?

His diatribe called Sure Start "a microcosm of government failure", promising more use of private nurseries instead.

Right…. Let’s assume for the moment that the country goes down the road that myself and my erstwhile colleagues suggest and that the state can pay for some services but doesn’t have to provide them. How then would a private nursery be worse than a state one? Is there a policy of floggings, beatings and being sent down the mines in private nurseries that I’m jut unaware of? If private nurseries are so bad then the state would have cleaned up the competition, after all they probably charge less. But no, people are prepared to pay more for a better service, raising the tax to improve the state has just led to the state being the same and more expensive so people go with the results.

Remember, before Labour there was no childcare, no nursery education and no Sure Start to help young families. So why has Labour failed to make this the great emblem for all that it stands for?

What? Read that again…

Remember, before Labour there was no childcare, no nursery education and no Sure Start to help young families.

She’s lost the plot hasn’t she? What the feck is she thinking? Are we really expected to believe this? We’ve had nanny services, childcare and children’s education since the Norman Conquest.
At best the Parliamentary Labour Party has been here since 1906. Before that we were turning out polite children who could read, didn’t smash up society and went onto become doctors, lawyers, builders, military commanders, journalists and MPs.

No SureStart? No problem!

Guttersnipe distinctly remembers attending play school and nursery (where he could already read) followed by primary school. My evenings were taken up with youth clubs and martial arts classes, the scout movement and the St. John’s Ambulance Brigade. All of this in the Tory years… where were you Polly?

By Election: Labour Talks From Arse Again!

It used to be the case that the appearance of any Labour cabinet member in the media would get Guttersnipe’s blood boiling and ready to explode. I have to say now though that my position on this has changed.

I actually look forward to Hazel “Squirrel faced, rat woman, shite talking” Blears appearing in the media to recite one of Stalin’s press releases. I howl with laughter, I spit my tea into the Telegraph and Lady Guttersnipe sends me upstairs for a lie down.

Now that the by-election results have come in they’ve wheeled her out again since nobody else in the Labour government can deliver fiction with anywhere near as much grace as she can.


“She [Hazel Blears] said the Bromley result was an "absolute disaster" for David Cameron's Tories. “

Er Hazel…. We won.

"What you've got here is a classic by-election with the Liberal Democrats campaigning really hard, they have a by-election machine," she said.
"And people vote tactically in by-elections, and clearly there was a move here to vote anything but for the Tory party so everybody got behind the candidate that they thought could beat David Cameron's nominee," she told BBC Breakfast.

Everybody? I suppose by everybody you mean the 37% of the electorate that voted LibDem. That doesn’t seem like everyone to me.

When you compare these results to the last ones, the Lib Dems have increased their vote by 1,620 yet Labour’s vote has decreased by 8,316. So it would appear that only about 1 in 5 of those people who “tactically” withdrew their vote from Labour got in behind the candidate who could most likely beat David Cameron’s nominee”.

Incidentally you squirrel-faced toadying moron, the conservative candidate wasn’t nominated by David Cameron, he wasn’t on the A-List, he was chosen by his local association in a fair and democratic way. Just like you weren’t when you got on the all women shortlist.

The Tory majority was slashed by 11,000 because it was a by-election in a safe seat, the 2005 turnout was about 20,000 more voters than this time and that accounts for 11,000 Tory Votes and 8,000 Labour votes rather nicely don’t you think?

My noble father Count Guttersnipe gave up voting Labour because his seat is a safe seat so why bother? Do we think this was happening again here?

Meanwhile, Liberal Democrat leader Sir Menzies Campbell praised his party's near-miss as a "stupendous result" in "one of the safest Conservative seats in the country".
"It shows that there is no confidence in Cameron's Tories in the Conservative heartlands," he said.

Er Ming…. We won. There’s so little confidence in Cameron’s Tories that 40% of the vote was cast for the Tories. Do the math.

I believe the Telegraph today is showing a poll that puts David Cameron ahead of Tony Blair as “would make the best prime minister” – where do you come in this poll Ming? I think it’s a little lower than your candidate came in Bromley.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Iain Dale Goes Postal on the Indy

That Nice Mr. Dale keeps a wonderful blog. As he correctly points out one of the top 3 political blogs.

He has always been polite in Guttersnipe's experience and always has something thoughtdul to say, even if it is about West Ham.

There are plenty of abusive comments left for him but he rises above it and Guttersnipe always suspected that some day, someone would cross a line.

That day is today, that someone is Mary Dejevsky of the Independent:

Read his response here. A cracking rant and a well vented spleen!

Please Just Leave Parliament Alone!

Fresh from my ranting about the waste of space and money that is Prescott I was stunned to read the following bright spark fecking idea from NuLab nobody and clear blue-sky bollocks man Graham Allen.

Bollocks to wanting Blair to step down I’m going to start campaigning for the entire Labour party to do the world a favour and just feck off out of the country. The air fares for all of them would probably cost less than Prescott.

From Nick Assinder’s Commons Confidential:

“Labour MP Graham Allen has come up with a novel idea to re-engage people with the political process - run a competition to redesign the Commons Chamber.”

Yeah that’s going to work isn’t it Graham… all those people who sit at home not watching BBC Parliament are just going to go screaming into voting booths skipping and shouting the words “thank god they redesigned the chamber, now I can be interested again”.

“He suggests prizes for the best entry from a school, an architectural student or established architectural practice. “

A school? You’re looking for the answer in schools? Given that most of the people in schools are unable to vote I’m sure they are going to feel very well engaged by this fruitbat idea. Offer them the chance to redesign the Big Brother house and they might take you up on it. They have a say in who stays in after all.

"Anything which seeks to re-establish the credentials of the House of Commons as a forum for the nation and restores its self-respect as the place where serious political debate should take place, will I hope be taken seriously," he said.

Shouldn’t you be saying “anything except integrity which seeks to…..”. This appears to be what you are meaning. The House of Commons isn’t being taken seriously because:

a) anything passed in it gets overturned by a load of Belgians that we didn’t elect.
b) Anything the Belgians don’t overturn is shat on by the Americans which we didn’t elect
c) Anything not shat on by the Belgians and Americans that seems like a good idea is shat on by Labour backbenchers (see Education Bill).
d) Honourable members such as yourself are spending their parliamentary time designing

room drawing competitions to engage the under 8s.


“But the face-to-face, confrontational style of the chamber has always had its critics with those like Mr Allen who wonder if a more circular-style , hemicycle would encourage a more inclusive, grown up approach to politics. “

You mean like the EU parliament? What has that achieved? How has that improved life or democracy. Please place one thing the EU has done that has made your life better into the comments section.

Jack Straw has told Mr Allen that, while he has no problem with a competition, "I do not sense there is general demand for the current chamber to be redesigned".

In other words… “feck off and do some proper work you time-wasting tosser”.

Look What A Couple Of Million Gets You...

From the BBC:

“Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott is costing taxpayers £2m a year, the Conservatives have claimed.
They say they reached the figure after series of parliamentary answers and reports on wages paid to his staff.
That includes £1.3m which is reportedly the wage bill for his 20-strong office and £195,000 a year for his grace-and-favour flat in London.”

I suppose when all things are considered this twat has been a waste of money from day one, so we’re all getting used to it now. But consider the figures…

£1.3m in wages for his 20 strong office. That equates to an average salary of £65,000 a piece. £65,000!!!! Do any of you Guttersnipes earn that? If Guttersnipe himself reached the ideal target for his business and still kept on a second job he might make that.

Note also this is the “average salary”. I can’t imagine that the cleaners are on this wage. They’re earning more than the MPs in there… the average salary in the office is half that of the boss. If, as our great and benevolent leader suggests he is chairing 11 committees then why does he need an office staff of 20?

I think the delightful Lady Guttersnipe hit the nail on the head last night when she said “they have to be paid well if they’re going to get the arses felt all the time”. Priceless that girl is.

“Constitutional affairs spokesman Oliver Heald said: "Despite being stripped of his department, John Prescott is desperately clinging onto his perks - and the taxpayer is left to pick up the tab.
"The deputy prime minister's drastically reduced portfolio has left people wondering why he is still costing them so much money for apparently so little.
"His new private office is growing and will no doubt grow bigger as he gets back to his bad old ways of empire building in Whitehall."

Not only are we wondering why he’s costing us so much, we’re still wondering what he does, why he still has a job and why he isn’t up in front of a sexual harassment tribunal.

Guttersnipe is also wondering why public sector unions such as the PCS and Amicus haven’t raised any objections to the disgusting behaviour of the management in the ODPM.

“As well as the costs of his flat the Tories highlight Mr Prescott's £133,997 salary, pensions contributions worth £35,911 and allowances in 2004/5 of £105,494.
Then there is his official car which the Conservatives say costs £49,000, other travel £93,034 and his Whitehall office at £64,267.
The Tories also claim the cost of rebranding the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister was up to £12,000, and they estimated maintaining his new website would cost £30,000 a year. “

Well his web site will need to have large print, small words and clear pictures on it so the tosser can fecking read it won’t it?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Don't You Have a Bra to be Burning?

Labour MP Claire Curtis-Thomas has got her knickers in a twist this week,

From the

“Sexually explicit "lads mags" should be banished to the top shelf by law, a Labour MP has told the Commons.
Claire Curtis-Thomas wants an independent regulator to restrict the display of such magazines in a bid to stop children from buying them.
She says some of the publications are "repulsive" and "degrading to women". “

Now that the new Labour project is derailing we’re starting to see the Old Labour die hard commie types thump their tubs for any particular hard leftie cause that’s been preying on their mind. They no longer see the need to pretend to be Tories and they’re off.

This one is frankly ridiculous. She’s got it into her head like so many of the loony left that because she doesn’t like it then it would be better for everybody if any form of freedom in what you buy were removed. You know the sort of thing… they did it to the hospitals, GP surgeries and so forth.

The Venomous Harpy bleats her concerns:

“Mrs Curtis-Thomas presented her Regulation of Sale and Display of Sexually Explicit Material Bill in the Commons, stressing that many of the publications she was concerned about contained "hard-core porn", numbers for "sex chatlines" and adverts for masseurs.”

Just like the back pages of the Sun and the Sport do. In fact there are adverts for masseurs in the back of the Yorkshire Evening Post, is this bad? Are we looking to ban them? No… basically she’s wanting to be a feminist again and this is the nearest target. She’s probably opened the magazine and found that all the women are prettier than she is and we can’t be having that can we?

This is the harridan in question, and frankly the last time I saw a face like that I put £20 on it to win the National. If she spends her time resenting pretty women then I reckon her only female friend is Clare Short.

“Tory MP Angela Watkinson opposed the measure, saying it did not take account of the "complicity" of the women involved in the photo shoots.”

Let me take a wild guess at the number of Zoo, Nuts and FHM models she has interviewed on this score…. Probably zero. She will never have been to a photo shoot. She will have no idea. Just a head full of leftie feminist bollocks.

“While such magazines were aimed at men in their 20s she fears they are available to children as young as eight.
Many were being sold alongside comics like the Beano and the Dandy despite containing pornographic articles, she said.
"Throughout Britain today there is unrestricted access to such material," she said.”

Oh for feck’s sake… walk into a newsagents woman! They’re not alongside the Beano and Dandy they’re alongside GQ, Mens Health and Motorcycle News. The Beano and Dandy are generally on the bottom shelf just above the Sun and the Sport. But you’re not after them are you? Irony?
Of course there is unrestricted access to stuff like this. It’s not offensive. If you want to see ladies in sexy lingerie you can pay your money and get FHM or you can send off for a Grattan Catalogue and see the same stuff, plus with Grattan you can see pictures of 8 year old children in nightwear. But you’re not going after them are you?


“She said the introduction of a lifestyle magazine for teenage boys could "reduce any curiosity" they might have for "these grossly unsuitable publications".”

Clearly she doesn’t have any children or if she does they're off with nanny 24/7. How many teenage boys lifestyle magazines do you see out? Not many, this is because nobody buys them. Sneaking off upstairs and cracking one out over a copy of Gigantic Jugs of Joy is part of growing up… you know that part that relationship counsellors say “is perfectly natural”. You can’t exactly do that with a picture of the Women’s Institute can you? Well… not until you’re in your 40s.

Your good Guttersnipe himself spent a good adolescence with smuggled copies of Fiesta and it hasn’t turned him into a slavering pervert, well not so much as to cause the delightful Lady Guttersnipe to complain.

“Mrs Curtis-Thomas' bill, which has cross-party support, is unlikely to become law due to a lack of parliamentary time. "

Thank Christ for that.

"Advice was sent out to 19,000 newsagents to display such magazines out of the sight of children. “

Which they will duly ignore in the name of staying in business.

Open Debate on Immigration Can Avoid World War 3.

Frank Field is becoming a real thorn in Tony Blair’s side lately. Good on him, personally I’d like to see him move away from thorn in the side and more towards stake through the heart:

From the

“UK politicians are "living on borrowed time" on immigration, a former Labour minister has said.
Frank Field questioned whether current record levels of migration into the UK were "sustainable".
And he said Britain was in danger of becoming a "global traffic station" for migrant workers.
He urged politicians on all sides to stop ignoring public concern on the issue before the BNP found a leader with the "talent" to exploit it.”

Trust me someday that leader will be found. It’s happened before. In 30s Germany there was a huge problem with the perception of the Jewish population. Citizens in Germany thought they were getting a better deal than native Germans, any attempt to discuss the issue openly was closed down by the Weimer government of the time.

Rumour festered, pressure group propaganda grew until the radical Nazi party started to gather support. Eventually Adolf Hitler was saying what the Germans wanted to hear and took office.

The rest is history. Hitler talked about resettlement, he talked about moving the jews off to their own lands, as such he resettled them to Auschwitz, Sachsenhausen, Dachau, Natzweiler and so on. 6 million Jews along with 4 million communists, homosexuals, psychiatric patients and political opponents died as a result.

An open debate could have stopped this but those who would broach the subject in the early days would be labelled Anti-Semite and then the real anti-semites gained control.

Its happening again everywhere we look and I for one am terrified of the consequences. The BNPs tub thumping is based in rumour and propaganda. Fact can flatten them.

“He [Mr Field] added: "It is only because the BNP are so inept that the debate has not taken off."
He said mainstream politicians had to address immigration "before the BNP stumbles on somebody with talent".

I’ll bet there are likely to be a few bricks through Mr. Field’s windows in the near future. But that day will come and they will find their leader unless we have this argument openly and in the public eye.

Domestic Violence... First Signs of Common Sense Appear

From the BBC:

“MPs say they oppose plans to send people who commit domestic violence to therapy classes instead of jail.
The home affairs committee says there is insufficient evidence that so-called "perpetrator programmes" are good enough alternatives to prison. “

Bloody hell… a miracle appears to have happened. Politicians have some common sense at last. It must be a committee of Tories, there’s no way that Labour and the LibDems would have come up with a sensible suggestion like jailing wife beaters.

I’m sick and tired of all this woolly liberal leftist bollocks that gets spouted when it comes to crime. At its basic level domestic violence is assault, further up the ladder it becomes ABH and GBH. Those crimes carry a prison sentence and a prison sentence is what should be handed out, if they want to do therapy while they’re in the chokey then fine by me.

The idea of “therapy as an alternative to jail” is frankly offensive, I wonder what whoever put this forward was thinking of. Lots of group hugs and wife beaters concentrating on their favourite tambourine?


Thankfully they have declined the offer of aromatherapy and fecking reiki to cure this problem.

One point that frequently gets overlooked in the whole domestic violence debate is that husbands get battered too, and from all the battered husbands I have spoken to there has always been the use of weapons involved whether it be handbags, handy household objects (such as an iron), up to knives and wine bottles.

There are no great headline catching initiatives for this. It all focuses on the women. Why?

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Oh for God's Sake Blair Just Feck Off Will You?

"Britain.. you're just not listening are you?"
Tony Blair has been writing for the Guardian… oh this is the Holy Grail. I thought my Spleen was venting when Hazel “Squirrel featured Rat Woman” Blears started thumping on with the New Labour Fantasy. Little did I know.

He’s thumping on as usual about far reaching reforms and what his critics are complaining about. I’ve a far reaching reform for you Tone.. how about a Conservative Government? Eh? How’d you like that for size you power hungry shadow of a socialist?

He begins…

“It is the best of times, but is it also the worst? Had anyone offered any Labour activist 10 years ago what we have since achieved in government they would have taken it without a second thought:”

The best of times????? Read that again….

“It is the best of times,”

Clearly our man Tone is now the Rt. Honourable Member for Fecking Narnia. What is he thinking? Even Blears and Toynbee steer clear of anything of this magnitude.

Look Tone you can bleat on about your achievements as much as you like, the only thing you have achieved in government is to remain in government. That’s it. The NHS is shite, the Economy is not your achievement, unemployment is up, crime is up. Just how fucking stupid do you think we are?

I’ve some Labour Achievements for you… try
these or these. He carries on:

“nine years of economic growth,” – yes Tone but at a lower rate than the 11 years of economic growth that preceded it.

“the best employment record in the G7” – yes Tone because you’ve bloated the public sector with anyone you could give a job to regardless of ability, and you’ve dumped schooleavers into University on aromatherapy courses so that when they come out they’ll have a debt and still no job. Still not to worry eh Tone? The Tories will clean up after you just like they cleaned up after Callaghan

“public services improving” – Where? At best public services are improving because you’re now reinstating things like market driven healthcare and grant maintained schools.. er didn’t you kill them off?

“people less likely to be victims of crime than at any time in recent history”

Oh for feck’s sake? Your Police Officers aren’t real police officers, you’re letting criminals out to roam the streets, paedophiles to live near schools and your crime rate is going up… even the BCS says this. What are you doing man? Are you changing the definition of a criminal to “a person with civil libierties” because we’re less likely to come across one of those lately.

“huge cuts in child and pensioner poverty” – again where? Pensioners are protesting that they can’t afford to live, you’re having to bribe them with a one off £200 allowance curiously near a general election. Surely you must be referring to a 68 year old care in the community case that we still pay £134,000 a year for.


I really want to take a cricket bat and bash the entire Tory manifesto into his skull in Morse Code, he would probably just steal the policies the tosser.

“All of this has been made possible by three election victories. And why shouldn't there be a fourth?”

I’ll tell you why there shouldn’t be a fourth you grinning Stalinist:

- You’re spending £134,000 of our money employing Prescott to do FECK ALL! The last time I checked Job Seekers’ Allowance was £58 per week.
- You’re spending £7,000 on your wife’s hair
- While the NHS has a £2bn deficit you’re buying a fucking plane.
- While troops are dying from a lack of protective foam in aircraft, no body armour and lack of ammunition you’re buying another fecking plane.

We don’t want you… your own fecking party doesn’t want you. Hell even Polly fecking Toynbee doesn’t want you. You’re not a Prime Minister you’re an incompetent power monger and if you want to do something for the good of the country then feck off. We’ll celebrate it with that extra bank holiday you keep asking for.

“It is all a million miles from the last time a Labour government lost an election, after the cuts and chaos of the late 70s.”

Let me think… Callaghan government:

- Stand pipes in the streets
- Unions fleecing us dry for public sector wages and pensions and striking when they don’t get their way.
- Soaring tax rates
- “Crisis? What Crisis?” or “NHS is in its best ever year”

Are we seeing some familiar ground here? I see cuts and chaos all around me. The Home Office has a new crisis per week, you don’t know where the illegal immigrants are and any minute now some middle eastern muppet will blow himself up again. Just the picture of order and calm isn’t it?

“But there are two key things the Labour party has to do at this juncture.
The first is to expose the strategy of pessimism with which our opponents intend to defeat us, rather than fall in with it.”

David Cameron can be accused of many things but I doubt pessimism is one of them. People are going to vote for Cameron and have voted Conservative because they see a brighter future than you’re providing. Do you remember about 6 weeks ago, they voted Conservative in droves without the Boy Dave having to write any grovelling letters to Guardian readers.

Let’s have a look at those results again shall we?

Conservatives 40%
Liberal Democrats 27%
Labour 26%

“The second thing, as I've said many times, is to renew the Labour party in a way that builds on the big idea behind New Labour:”

Was that big idea fleece everyone and do nothing except have a lot of free holidays and country mansions? We’ve seen it before and we didn’t like it? Every time you’ve “renewed” you’ve done the same shit with a different name. The name we’re looking at now is Conservative. Brown’s not going to help you out of this one.

“Labour has the best arguments on fairness and on the future, which is why the Tories are pretending to move on to our ground.”

How fecking rich is this? Where does he get the bollocks? They’ve all made a career out of taking credit for a Tory economy and nicking any decent Tory idea and relabelling it. Then fucking it up and blaming the Tories for supporting it. Jesus. They abandoned Clause 4, they sold their beliefs down the river for some power, they sold their soul to the devil and now it’s time to pay up. The man shouldn’t be voted out he should be crucified in Wembley Stadium, the ticket sales could pay for the NHS.

“At the heart of this account of "renewal" lies a recognisable narrative - the myth of betrayal. The fact that this Labour government has a better record than any of delivering its manifesto commitments does little to dent the myth. It lies less in the reality of policy than in an exhaustion with the hard work of being the ruling party. In this sense it is understandable. “
Ha Ha Ha … the myth of betrayal, jesus. Go read LabourHome and their article by Dr. Crippen on why he’s not voting Labour any more. I think it might be a betrayal.

“This list can be added to. That too should be part of our debate. I will not be leading Labour into the next election but I will do everything I can to ensure we win it.”

You could probably start by stepping down now…. That might give them a chance.

“That means renewing New Labour, not dumping it. If there's a better idea, let's hear it.”

I’ve got a better idea…. Vote Conservative. Blair can cosy up on the opposition backbenches with any Labour MPs lucky enough to still have a job after the next election.

Countdown to Detonation

Apologies for light venting over the past couple of days, your good Guttersnipe (Hon Member for Vented Spleens) has a new job, and frankly I don't want to take the piss by blogging my way through the afternoon.

Entries are likely to be more towards the evenings for the foreseeable future.

First will be tonight and please note that tonight the Guttersnipe is going to explode. Oh yes friends, explode....

Monday, June 26, 2006

Yob Task Force Announced - What Bollocks!

From the BBC:

A national 'respect squad' is being launched by John Reid to help in the battle against anti-social behaviour.
Local councils, MPs and police chiefs will be able to call in the squad to help tackle cases of "yobbishness".

Oh for feck’s sake…. I go away for 10 days and when I return Reid has been allowed to spout more shite while doing absolutely nothing.

He currently has about two thirds of his
“100 days” left and so far he has done nothing in the first month. This is going to be no different.

There is a simple answer to helping councils tackle cases of yobbishness, just let the councils get on with the job.

If NuLab hadn’t hamstrung the police force in the first place, actually given them police officers instead of Community Support Officers then we might not have this problem.

“Mr Reid said: "Anti-social behaviour ruins lives and fragments communities - particularly those in some of the most deprived areas of our country.
"We should and will be unremitting in our efforts to drive up standards of behaviour and enforce a culture of respect, for the benefit of all."

Yes it ruins lives Reid, you’ve ruined them. Half the battle against crime is deterrent and we have absolutely none whatsoever.

"We need to rebalance the criminal justice system so that people believe that it is truly on their side," he said.”

Cast your mind back 4 years when Blunkett was in charge of HMS Fuck Up. As they were launching the Criminal Justice Bill (now Act) he spoke these words:

"The White Paper is designed to rebalance the criminal justice system in favour of the victim and the delivery of justice for all."

Has anything changed in 4 years? Do we think anything will change in the next 60 days?

Friday, June 16, 2006

The Spleen On Tour...

Guttersnipe and Lady Guttersnipe are going on holiday for a week to take in the history and scenery of Kent (as well as a quick trip to Dunkirk to salute the soldiers) so blog posts are going to be a bit thin on the ground, well pretty much non existent really.

Devil's Kitchen I'm afraid you're going to have to take apart Polly on your own. I'm sure you'll do a sterling job and one which I'm counting on you to perform with your usual relish.

I'm sure DK will provide a good dose of vitriol for all you Guttersnipes who may miss me.

Normal service will resume on 26th June.

In the mean time please visit any or all of the following:

NHS Blog Doctor
Iain Dale
Devil's Kitchen
James Cleverley
Mr Eugenedies
Tim Roll-Pickering

Thursday, June 15, 2006

What the EU Really Thinks of Great Britain... Proof!

Those Guttersnipes of a well travelled nature will have come across that disgraceful leftie currency the euro (pah pah pah).

On the back of the euro there is a map featuring all countries that are member states of the EU. As such Norway and Switzerland are missing.

This leaves behind a map with a good impression of what the EU think of Great Britain:

A good case for leaving? I think so...

What Are These People Really Looking For 2?

Long standing Guttersnipes may recall the last time I felt the need to share the search terms that bring people to the Spleen.

I had just about stopped worrying about these people when I found this is my search terms today:

"Mark Oaten pictures of rent boys"

There are some strange, strage people out there... and they're coming here.

Seperated At Birth?

The BBC have broken the news that Gary "Do You Wanna Be In My Gang" Glitter has had his appeal rejected and is still likely to face a right old nonce bashing courtesy of the Vietnamese Government.

While reading the article with glee a thought occured to me. Isn't he a dead ringer for evil villain sorceror David Lopan from "Big Trouble In Little China"?

I'd say he was in big trouble with the little orientals wouldn't you?

Weekly Round Up Of Parliamentary Nonsense VII

Yet Again we find ourselves able to round up the parliamentary nonsense for this week.

Just when you thought Parliament dealt with letting criminals out and making a bollocks of the appeals system we find the true grit of modern democracy being spooned out for all you taxpayers.

Lady Hermon: To ask the Secretary of State for Northern Ireland if he will introduce a chewing gum tax in Northern Ireland. [49035] - Greg Barker will be so proud

Bob Russell: To ask the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport what her policy is on promoting the sport of croquet; and if she will make a statement. - Guttersnipe thinks this is a role for the ODPM

John Penrose: To ask the Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government how many orders have been made to remove hedges in North Somerset under the Anti-social Behaviour Act 2003.

Mr. Hoban: To ask the Secretary of State for the Home Department how many people were successfully prosecuted in Hampshire for the theft of a caravan in each of the last five years.

Fingers crossed that the Legislation and Reform Bill doesn't scrap good quality entertainment like this.

The TA Are Not Just "Cheap Soldiers"

My interest has been caught by an Opinion in Today’s Telegraph. Cuts in defence spending could probably be argued when they were first put in in 1988. But since 1997 the Army has had to do more and more as they took on the role of being Bush and Blair’s Global Police, in Sierra Leone, East Timor, Kosovo, Afghanistan and Iraq. Since 1997 the decreases in defence spending have continued and gathered pace.

We’ve had loud trumpeting about doubling the money into the NHS, but the NHS’ workload hasn’t increased. The Army’s workload has gone through the roof and the money tap remains off. As a result lives are lost.

Yes Blair… lives are being lost because you aren’t getting your hands in your pockets.

Something needs to fill the gap and that something is the Territorial Army. As the Telegraph notes

“In various guises, TA soldiers have been putting their heads above the parapet each time this nation comes under threat. But, until now, their role has not been as a permanent replacement for regular troops in foreign campaigns.”

True… the clue’s in the title TERRITORIAL Army, the army used for the defending of British Territory, not used for invading the Middle east, pacifying the Orient or liberating the Balkans. Basically Blair if you can’t afford to send the regular army to interven in wherever then you can’t afford to go. You shouldn’t be calling up our reservists to fight these.

“The Government has been wrong to assume that it could change their role without any knock-on effects. It should appreciate the vital role the Territorials provide in times of trouble or threat, and not just see them as a cheap way of filling in an underfunded army.”

This is not just happening in the army. The TA here are being used as a cheaper alternative to the regular army and we can see several other examples of this:

- Community Support Officers – cheaper policemen.
- Nurse Practitioners (Quacktitioners as Dr Crippen calls them) – cheap Doctors
- GPs with Special Interest – Cheap Consultants
- Classroom Assistants – Cheap Teachers

All of the above make it look like Labour has bought in what the country needed (doctors, police, teachers) but really they’re just cheaper equivalents without the powers or training required.

They’ve spent record amounts, but am I alone in thinking that they’ve spent it on the wrong things. Wake up Britain… you’re being conned!

Only 40 Reasons to Vote Labour?

Squirrel-faced professional Blairite Bollocks Talker Hazel Blears is now bombarding Labour types with emails offering the 40 achievements of Labour since 1997.

You would think that in 9 years she could come up with more than 40 given that us Bloggers came up with much more than 40 entries for the Little Red Book of Labour Sleaze that Guido and that nice Mr. Dale issued.

Never missing a trick, we bloggers have responded with the site "Labour Achievements". This is fantastic.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

John Reid Dropping More Bollocks!

It’s not often Guttersnipe agrees with Alice Miles writing in the Times, especially when she’s having a pop at doctors. But today she’s taken the gloves off and gone after Guttersnipe’s favourite punchbag, John “Shut It!” Reid. How could I possibly oppose such a motion.

Her article today beautifully suggests that he should stop hiding behind paedophiles….

“TALK ABOUT a soft target: of all the parade of grotesques who pass through the courts, Craig Sweeney is especially horrifying. To abduct and sexually assault a three-year-old girl, twice, before terrifying her with a 100mph chase with a police car and then throwing her out of a vehicle on to the side of the road to be found by the police later does, as the judge in the case commented, beggar belief. “

And I’m sure you’re all in agreement with me here. This man was horrific, hanging’s too good fer ‘em.

“For a Home Secretary looking for tough headlines, this must have appeared an easy one: Sweeney’s sentence was too lenient and the case should be reconsidered, demanded John Reid publicly. In speaking out so quickly, our new Home Secretary engaged his mouth before his brain, and not for the first time. Never mind for a moment that his intervention may make an appeal against the sentence harder to win”

Yup… fuckwit Reid has bollocksed the appeal cases up again, further to his jeopardizing deportation cases before it would appear that he hasn’t learned. Even his own Attorney General has called him a fuckwit!

But he clearly doesn’t listen to the lawyers so I will reiterate my former sentiments to Dr. Reid.


There… that should do it. So Reid’s had a pop at the judges for being lenient:

Let’s have some facts:
- The Government says that life actually means serving 18 years. The judge abided by that.
- The Government says that if a person pleads guilty they get a third of their sentence off, and thus a lifer would be serving 12 years. The judge abided by that.
- The Government says that if a person behaves well then they can be out in half the time. Thus a lifer would now be serving six years. The judge abided by that.
- The Government says that sentences should take into account time served on remand. Therefore in this case the lifer serves a further 5 years and 2 months. The judge abided by that.

This is typical New Labour hamstringing of a trained, qualified and respected profession. Judges are appointed to make the difficult decisions, but government steps in and interferes screaming human rights and all that bollocks.

Ask yourself this, who would you rather have had the say about sentencing criminals and keeping the streets safe from these sorts of people?

A gentlemen or lady who has qualified with a Law degree, served their tour of duty on the bar with effective results, demonstrated integrity and was appointed to the bench by his peers in the same profession?


"John Reid went to school at Coatbridge. He read History at Stirling University, staying to take a Doctorate in Economic History. He worked as a research officer for the Labour Party from 1979 to 1983. He acted as political adviser to Neil Kinnock from 1983 to 1985 and organised Scottish Trade Unionists for Labour from 1986 to 1987."

Or worse,

A fat sex offender who failed his 11 plus?

Think about that…

Now Blair stuck his size 9s into the debate today in PMQs by blaming the Tories. Yes, again its all the fault of the Tories. Apparently the sentencing legislation was put in place in 1997 before the Labour party came to power.

Yes… the legislation may have been there under the Tories, but the sentencing legislation is not at fault here, it’s the sentencing guidelines forced on judges. Labour put in those guidelines in 2000.

Tough on crime, Tough for the victims of crime. I fecking hate them all… But don’t forget Guttersnipes, the rising crime rate is our fault.

Am I The Only One Worried By This?

While Guttersnipe was crawling through Hansard for the latest “Round Up” offerings I spied the following written question:

Nick Harvey: To ask the Secretary of State for Trade and Industry whether a consignment of AK-47 type assault rifles has recently been imported from Bosnia into the UK. [75595]

Dawn Primarolo: I have been asked to reply.The information requested is not available.

So not only does the Trade Secretary delegate someone else to not answer this question but don’t we think this is something the government should know about?

Are The Unions Really Concerned About Funding Matters?


“In evidence to a parliamentary inquiry into party funding, the 17 trade unions affiliated to the Labour party warn plans for a £50,000 cap on donations would benefit the Conservatives but remove a significant source of Labour funding.”

Now do we think that the unions are really concerned about Labour party funding? Or are they more concerned that their usual method of legalised government bribery to get their own way might now be threatened?

God forbid that the Labour Party can’t fund itself in any other way than this? If the market dictates you cannot afford to run then you go down… it’s harsh but it’s the way the world works.

The Tories and the Lib Dems both manage to fund themselves through other means than being bankrolled by the trade unions.

The unions are kicking off of course about the fact that government policy can be effectively bought by a rich donor… a rich donor like UNISON or the TGWU?

Of course the unions go on to defend their case…

“In its evidence to the constitutional committee, the Tulo group insists that unions play a unique part in the Labour party and should not just be regarded as donors when looking at party funding.”

I love that phrase, “unique part in the Labour party”. That’s like the BBC’s “unique way the BBC is funded”. In reality the unique way is that union members have absolutely no say whatsoever in how much of their subscription is handed over the Labour Party.

None at all.

If the unions want to safeguard the Labour Party coffers then maybe they should encourage every member to donate. That would fall below the £50,000 donation cap I think.

WTF Are They Thinking???

OK… I’ve given Ken over at Nanny Knows Best until 11.15 to follow this up. He’s probably been busy avoiding Nanny’s ever-watchful gaze and given that it isn’t British he might pass this one by.

Visit him once in a while and make his work worthy.

So… Guttersnipe continues with the First “What the Fuck Were You Thinking?” Award…. Read on, you’ll not regret it.

From Metro (paper.. not online I’m afraid):

“Bugs Bunny Toy Sparks Air Alert”

I kid you not….

“A girl of six triggered a security scare at Cape Town airport – with a pink Bugs Bunny water pistol rammed full of sweets. Kelly Vinnicombe was bought the £2.50 toy in the departure lounge by her mother Sarah, and packed it in her bag. But as they went through the X-ray security machine, guards hauled them to one side. Ms Vinnicombe, 34, was told the toy was technically a ‘weapon’ and would have to be registered at the firearms desk. She spent an hour explaining where the gun came from – just metres away in an airport shop – before the toy was tagged and packed in a separate part of the plane.

Ms Vinnicombe said, ‘It’s bright pink with Bugs Bunny on it.’. the pair were reunited with their cargo at Heathrow after an 11-hour flight. A spokeswoman for Cape Town Airport said “It’s better to be safe than sorry”."

Just for Ken…. TWATS!

A simple procedure of open bag, recognise pink toy and allow would have dealt with this don’t you think?

More Home Office Money Down the Toilet

The BBC announces this morning:

“An agency set up to seize criminals' assets has cost taxpayers around £60m despite only recovering just over £8m from law breakers since 2003. “

This is of course started out as part of our Tone’s big WAR ON TERROR! Do we remember that Guttersnipes? It was that firm commitment to battle all forms and branches of terrorism to their utter destruction. Of course this assumed that the IRA and ETA were not terrorists because they have been totally untouched.

In fact I recall the same week as the great battle to defeat terrorism started Blair invited Martin McGuiness and Gerry Adams round to tea.

They also wanted to use the terrorists’ and criminals assets against them, so far they have spent £60 million to recover £8 million. Or to put it another way they have spent £52 million achieving sweet bollock all.

“Director Jane Earl said she was disappointed with the results but the ARA had made life harder for criminals.
Our disruptive action where we have exceeded our targets is playing a big part in making the general landscape much more difficult for criminals to operate in," she said. “

But the above figures suggest that only 13% of targets were being hit. This might have the laudable idea of making life harder for criminals, but on the other hand we’re letting them walk free after 5 year ‘life sentences’. If life was so much harder for criminals why is the crime rate up?

This annoys the feck out of me… when you die, they can manage to tax 40% of your estate and they miss nothing. How come we can’t do the same thing on conviction? Fuckwits.

“When the ARA was launched with the power to seize criminals cars and cash Tony Blair said the agency was going to hit big time crooks hard - "where it most hurts in their pockets".
In 2004 the agency recovered vehicles worth just £5,000 - that was despite a 50% increase in its staff. “

Holy repossessions!!! The DVLA manage to get more than that for simple road tax evasion. What the hell are these people playing at? Guttersnipe thinks that this might be another case of civil servants stripping off and smacking each other.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Guardian's Daily Dose of Bollocks Continues...

Polly’s article today turns her guns on the book "Compassionate Conservatism: What Is It and Why Do We Need It?". As usual she hates anything to do with David Cameron as he's threatening her cosy love nest with Gordon Brown. Today she blathers on making her usual amount of sense.

"Compassionate Conservatism sounds uncannily familiar ”This oxymoron "compassionate Conservative" turns out to be true-blue "shrink-the-state" Tory” "

Whereas this ‘Guardiamoron’ doesn’t want that. Personally Guttersnipe is over the moon that they plan to shrink the state. Just like the ‘Dave the Chameleon’ adverts this reinforces the message that grassroots Tories want to hear, Dave is actually a Tory. ‘Conservative to the core’ I believe his words were and a good thing too.

“Norman [Author of the book] dates the beginning of society's downfall at precisely the point when the left would celebrate the foundation of the good society: Lloyd George's radical 1911 budget and the welfare state.”

Actually Polly wasn’t the welfare state set up after the Second World War as a thank you to all those who gave such a sacrifice? I can send you recordings of Bevan’s speeches if you like. The state intervened to give quality of life to those who could not support themselves after the war, not to support those people who won’t help themselves.

Lloyd George’s crowning achievement was of course that he was the last person to sell peerages and honours. Now that’s solid Labour ground… stick with it.

“Like all Cameron's people, he harks back to the pre-welfare state, particularly to the friendly societies (though they came from the left).“

So just because the idea came from the left Cameron should abandon it? Despite it being a leftist idea, the Friendly Socieies encouraged saving, encouraged investment and encouraged responsibility for your own future. Frankly if you have spent your life working you have earned money which can be put aside for when you are not working. Since when was my retirement the responsibility of the tax payer or my employer?

“Strange factoids pretend there was "a huge advance in voluntary provision for sickness and old age by means of these working-class societies. By 1938, 20 million working people were registered members" - but then the state "inserted itself".
It is hard to know if this fanciful social history is sincerely believed or not. Most of these friendly societies offered weak help because participants were too poor to pay much in. Most people didn't belong to one at all. “

20 million people seems to be a decent sized proportion of the working classes I would think. The middle and upper classes had other means of investment to take care of themselves. Friendly Societies offer tax breaks now to further encourage saving.

“Many of these "20 million" members were only paying a penny a week towards their funerals. “

In 1911 the average wage was 28 shillings a week (£1.40) for miners in South Wales, a fairly good stereotype of the working classes.

Now let’s compare that with minimum wage increases to £5.35 per hour in October, taken with a 40 hour week gives a pre tax wage of £214.

152 times the equivalent wage in 1911. If people were paying in ‘only a penny a week’ to their funeral plans then that’s the equivalent of £1.52 a week now, or to put it another way – the cost of a Friendly Society Life Assurance Plan, and you even get a carriage clock and no medical. So why is this leftist idea a bad one Polly?

“If Cameron means to roll back the state, there are only two ways. He can create enormous mutuals or private insurers for people to pay into while cutting their tax bills (though who pays for those that can't?). “

That’s where the state does intervene Polly, we might be capitalists but we’re not slave traders. The state can intervene as mentioned above to support those who cannot support themselves, currently it is supporting those who will not help themselves and strangling the people who want to take responsibility for their own lives.

Social mobility, ambition and responsibility create strong societies. State dependence creates slave states. Get this through your head will you?

“Or he can do what Conservative governments do: just keep cutting what the state spends.”

Yes.. exactly. As I’ve blogged recently the state has spent money on ‘naked civil service sex orgies’ and ‘overpaying tax credits’. Surely we can cut this out. Or alternatively if you’re so concerned about the poor you could donate some of your £140,000 salary which you cling to and claim to earn.

“So who is going to stand up and say that government is a force for good?”

Errr…. You?

“Who will say the blindingly obvious”

Errr…. The Tories?

“Markets can only thrive with strong government regulation. The happiest, most socially just and economically successful are those that embrace big government: the Nordics. “

Ah.....a land of trolls, crisp meadows, insurance based health services and no minimum wage. Now you’re extolling the very things you claim to support. If it’s such a magical land of paradise why don’t you live there?

-They won’t pay you £140,000?
-They don’t want someone who opposes everything they’ve set up?
-They just think you’re a blind leftist tosser?
-Or all of the above?

Government Blameless... It's All Our Fault!

The rage has started early this morning…. Gutternsipe blogged yesterday with the question “Why the hell is the crime rate our fault?”. Today it seems that it’s not just crime that is the fault of the great British taxpayer. Apparently the NHS overspend is our fault as well.

Smug looking bastard on the right, Health Minister Andy “I’ve probably got private health insurance” Burnham has some things to day on where the NHS can save £700m a year.

“a reduction in avoidable emergency admissions for conditions such as asthma, heart problems and angina could save the NHS over £120m a year;”

“reducing unnecessary outpatient appointments by up to 50 per cent could save over 800,000 return appointments and £50m annually.”

So it’s our fault again isn’t it dear Guttersnipes? We’re clogging up those hospitals with our unnecessary heart problems and asthmatics. The finger of suspicion has been pointed… we should hang our heads in shame.

He goes on to clarify the Health Commisariat’s thinking:

“"For example, cutting the number of avoidable emergency admissions doesn't mean poorer services. We know patients would rather be treated at home than in hospital and by doing this where it's appropriate the NHS can save money as well as improving patient care."”

Look Andy… patients may be more comfortable being treated at home providing their home has 2 operating theatres, an MRI scanner, a chemotherapy unit and a crash team on standby. Otherwise I think they’re going to prefer the idea of hospital. People would express a preference towards being at home because it would mean that they are not ill.


Monday, June 12, 2006

This explains a lot...

Both myself and many other people in the Blogosphere have commented on the woeful lack of payments to farmers.

Whether you agree with subsidising farmers or not, they are entitled to them and the government still haven't paid them. They found the time to ban hunting across the fields, but not actually promote the business that might keep these farmers going.

Still we've wondered why the payments still haven't been reaching the farmers:

From the BBC:
"The agency [Rural Payments Agency] said it was investigating claims that staff leapt naked from filing cabinets, had sex in office toilets, held break-dancing competitions during working hours and fought in a reception area. "

Remember... it's your tax money that finances this.

Two Horse Race?

This picture is on the Campaign web site for Ben Abbotts, LibDem candidate for Bromley & Chislehurst.

Note the graph? Doesn’t tell you that the result (in seats) was Con – 49, Lib – 7, Lab – 4.

Paints a different picture doesn’t it? While trumpeting about being runners up they also neglect to mention that their result above was for a LOCAL election and in the General Election they were slapped into 3rd and didn’t even get 10,000 votes, and that was when Kennedy said they’d had their best year.

Don’t believe the nice men in sandals…

By-Election Comedy Candidate

Here are some extracts from the Bromley & Chislehurst Labour candidate's web site:

"If elected I pledge to:Neighbourhood Police & Safer Stations: Always campaign for more Neighbourhood Police teams and widely publish their phone no. and email. Pressure for CCTV and staff at all train stations"

Neighbourhood Police Teams eh?. You’ll note here there is no actual mention of Police OFFICERS. No, our Rach is going to recruit a load of Community Support Officers isn’t she? I’m sure they do fantastic work, but basically they have no more powers than you or I. This isn’t a bigger and more effective police presence, it’s just designed to look like one.Knife Crack-down:

"Support five-year sentences for carrying knives and stopping the sale of knives. Back laws for local schools to scan for knives."

Knee Jerk: Again Rachel, had the Labour government not enlisted the help of powerless CSO’s and actually put in some policing then we might not have this problem now.

"ID Cards: Support ID cards to help our security and beat benefit fraud. Back investment in tough immigration controls."

What? Where do they find people who will actually believe this shit? Tougher immigration controls is one thing, but nivestment in tough immigration controls is something else entireley. My good man Wat Tyler can show you where a lot of that investment goes.

"Contract with YOU: Run monthly surgeries and coffee mornings across Bromley & Chislehurst; widely publish my office contact details; run web-based MP inquiry service; hold annual St George's day event"

Take a good look at the above paragraph. Contract with you? Contract? Have some basic spelling will you woman? The observant amongst you may notice that our erstwhile Labour Candidate can’t even spell Bromley & Chislehurst (see below). Says a lot about Labour education standards doesn’t it? She’ll have had an A* I guarantee it.

“both the Conservatives and Lib Dems have repeatedly opposed Labour's funding of YOUR neighbourhood police teams.”

Yes we have… we wanted the money spent on police officers.

“Conservative-controlled Bromley Council has cut YOUR local public services.”

And yet increased our majority by 1.4% at the last election.

”Please feel free to contact me and my Action Team on 020 8460 0626 or by clicking here if you have your own ideas about how we can improve our lives here in Bromley and Chislehurst.”

There’s her contact details my good Guttersnipes, please contact (not contract) her and tell her the way to improve people’s lives is for her to vote Conservative.

UPDATE - They've corrected the spelling on the banner now, but other typos remain.

"Get Of Yer Horse and Drink Yer Milk!"

I hate to admit this but John Reid may achieve his goal of fixing the entire Home Office in 100 days. I don’t think his new technique can fail.

From the
“People should "stop moaning" and help tackle anti-social behaviour in their own area, the government may suggest.”

Do you see where this is going? The Home Office will work seamlessly since none of what the Home Office does will be the responsibility of the Home Office. It will all be our fault.

I’m all for a smaller state but laws and wars need to be the domain of government. Sure we should do all we can to reduce Anti-Social Behaviour if we were just sat on our arses watching the world go by, but we’re not.

We have Community Action Groups, we have Neighbourhood Watch schemes, we have a range of volunteer actions that have sprung up from the public but the bottom line is the government won’t let us defend ourselves and our property.

This is a government that allows burglars to claim compensation for injuring themselves on windows they have broken. Burglars can be compensated for falling of our roves when they’re trying to break in.

I think we have the right to complain, it’s one of the few rights the victims have left.

This is an area where a responsible government is essential. It’s just a shame we haven’t got one.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Guardianistas Against Dave

Yay… Dave’s ahead in the polls and they’re all coming out of the woodwork to criticise and fisk every little detail of him and today is no exception as the Guardian Twat Counter reaches 3.

Only fair I suppose, Guttersnipe does this all the time. With this in mind I see no reason to stop now and in defence of the Hon. Member for Witney it’s time to strike back.

Jeffries…. The Snipe is coming at ya!

“Flying a flag of St George on his bike is one thing, but Dave obviously needs ideas on how to make over his car. Let me help “

This is Stuart Jeffries, sub editor of the Guardian, would you accept makeover and style tips from him? How many times have you been in GQ? How many times have you featured in a sexiest men poll Stuart?

“David Cameron isn't really entering into the sheer patriotic fun of the thing. You know, the World Cup. He has put an English flag on his bicycle to express his solidarity with the massed metatarsals of Baden-Baden, true, but not one on the car that accompanies the radical environmentalist's every turn of the pedal. “

Ah right… he’s placed a St. George’s flag on his bike… good on him. Rightly this has been done in moderation. Tessa Jowell has placed 3 on her ministerial car (probably put through the books as a ministerial expense). So who has done the better makeover here? Too much of a good thing makes you look like a dickhead… imagine Long John Silver with two eyepatches and you get my point.

“There are still a few spots in England unbedecked with the flag whose design so eloquently expresses our national summertime sensibility (red and cross), and David's car is one of them. For shame, "sexy" Dave, for shame! Incidentally, am I alone in finding Cameron's secret car of mystery by far the most fascinating thing about the Conservative leader? “

Yes Stuart you are… the rest of us see it as a means of transport, it follows on in the background because Dave likes to cycle, and you can’t cycle with a stackload of ministerial papers and documents. Aside from the balance issues just think of the security!!

“This is the car which, my researcher reveals, daily carries four party workers, each of whom has a special task to fulfil. One holds Cameron's suit, white shirt, green tie, fresh underwear and shoes. The second holds his papers and his iPod, which a team of clued-up Tories regularly updates in order to make Cameron, my source tells me, "even more kickass". The third holds a nutritious apple on a cushion and constantly sends texts to pop stars that always end: "Laters, yeah? Peace out, Dave!". And the fourth? The fourth flunky carries a kiss from mummy in their hand which they blow to David at the end of his cycle ride from Notting Hill to Westminster. “

Have a good look at this paragraph. Now we see the sort of twat we’re dealing with here. Really have you ever read such mindless bollocks in your life, and this is from a supposedly intelligent broadsheet. This crap wouldn’t have even made it into the Beano. Even Prescott draws the line with what he says sometimes.

Let's be absolutely clear. This arrangement is good for Britain, good for the environment and good for David, who still has abandonment issues following his hellish Eton years, the poor lamb. There is also, of course, a fifth person in the car - the driver, who doesn't speak even when he's spoken to, about whom more later.

Does David Cameron still have abandonment issues? Did he ever? Or can you not find anything actually constructive to say against the man? I note that by 2.45pm today the comments left on this article were:

“Stuart, mate, "Estoy con estúpido" doesn't make any sense in Spanish. Stick to English, please. “
“Well that was five minutes I could have spent on something more useful. Still I suppose the same can be said for Mr Jeffries too... “

So who’s feeling abandoned now? I’m sure you were just transposing your own harsh recollections of being towel whipped in the prefect’s common room before double Latin weren’t you? Good Old Memory Lane…

“But no flags. It comes to something when troubled culture minister Tessa Jowell who, like PG Wodehouse's Scotsman, is readily distinguishable from a sunbeam, takes the lead in showing us how to mobilise politicians' cars to revel in what we again call the sheer patriotic fun of the thing? “

Sheer patriotic fun… could the Guardian make up their minds? Please have a long chat with jonathan Harker and decide whether she is having fun or voting BNP please. Notice the literary reference put in to make sure that we all know Mr. Jeffries is more intelligent than us poor proles. How we should bask in the glory of Guardian columnists. I prefer to quote Renton in Irvine Welsh’s Trainspotting “They’re effete wankers”.

“My team have designed some flags that Cameron's flunkies could fly from his car to pimp his ride. Or, rather, pimp his flunkies' ride. “

Oh Mr. Jeffries… you’re so hip with the kids aren’t you? I’ll bet Wilberforce and Jocasta think you’re simply divine down the Country Club. I’ll bet they even let you pick your own fair trade wine.

“the Cameroonian flag (because Dave's devotees are Cameroons, see).

Oh you’re a card aren’t you? I’m glad I’m near a hospital my sides have just split….

"The great thing about this idea is that it will keep Boris Johnson (aka Vanilla Nice) busy 24/7 and thus away from: 1) Liverpool, 2) potential suitors, and 3) the policy-making process, as well as making a distinctively Conservative stand about, you know, something. Everybody's a winner. Except the driver, who must be fired to make way for Vanilla Nice. But modern politics is all about hard decisions such as these."

And probably beneficial to you that it would keep Boris away from the Telegraph where he writes considerably better articles than you do.

Tough on Crime, Tough on the Victims of Crime

Polly returns today, but only on Comment Is Free… which ironically has the tagline “… but facts are sacred” on its home page but not on Polly’s article. Probably because the facts are the first casualty of any article…

I digress… today she’s turned to crime. Personally I’d rather she took on a life of crime rather than a life of journalism but them’s the breaks.

The column title starts the roll of suspicion…

“Amid this panic over stabbings, we are ignoring what really cuts crime”

The death penalty? Torture? Longer prison senetences… you’d like to think wouldn’t you?

“The prison population rose sharply last week. The Home Office expects it to hit an all-time high next week, topping the 77,800 record. It predicts that prisons will burst their seams by autumn, overflowing into emergency police cells. There are some 500 spare places in open prisons, but risk-aversion in the face of a media storm leaves them empty.”

Expected to hit an all time high next week? How many people are the Home Office jailing next week? Is it Council Tax time again? There are probably more than 500 spare places, there are about 700 spare places in open prisons recently vacated by the murderers, rapist and paedophiles that were allowed to roam free.

“Why this relentless rise? Crime is in long-term decline, down 43% since 1995, according to the British Crime Survey (BCS) - falling all across Europe, though few believe it. (The BCS doesn't include under-16s, but the Youth Justice Board says there is no rise there either.) "

The reason few believe the BCS is twofold Polly. Firstly, it’s bollocks. Secondly it’s Blair’s chosen source of crime figures, therefore massaged to give the message that the government wants to get across, and therefore it’s bollocks.

I doesn’t include under 16s – under 16s commit crimes, these crimes are committed in numbers, many of the knife crimes we’re seeing. But because they are under 16 then it’s not a crime? BOLLOCKS. The Youth Justice Board would say there is no rise, there’s been no rise in justice they just get dumped with ASBOs which have less deterrant value than “please write 100 times I will not commit crime”.

Guttersnipe has seen kids collecting ASBOs like they’re Panini stickers.

“But the single overwhelming reason why jails are bursting is longer sentences given for more crimes. An unquenchable thirst for punishment has seen the numbers given prison sentences rise by 53% in the same decade that crime has fallen. “

Pardon? If you’re going by your own figures Polly this would suggest that longer prison sentences have had a marked effect in reducing the crime figures. Or to put it in the words of former Tory Leader Michael Howard, “prison works”.

Take note Gordon, Polly agrees with Michael Howard. I’ll bet her chances of getting your “grace and favours” have just been right shafted.

“Of all the obnoxious qualities of the British press - its cynicism, its relentless "nothing works" projection of a society in perpetual decline”

We’ve never said “nothing works”, we’ve said “prison works”… you’ve just agreed with it Polly. Maybe that’s one of your “obnoxious qualities” given that you are part of the press. Do you even read the last two sentences of what you write?

“Ever since "tough on crime", Labour has never dared to talk down punishment fever or tell voters that we already have the longest sentences in Europe. “

But isn’t the crime rate coming down because of this Polly? You’ve established that “prison works” now you want to reduce the sentences so that people can leave and molest children at will? Ah yes.. the leftie paradise.

Prison governors despair at the churn of inmates, forever moved on far from home, disrupting treatment, education and training. Most prisons now miss their targets for "purposeful activity".

"What's the use of sending us people for a few months, just long enough to lose their home, family and job?" said one governor of a crowded inner-city prison. "By the time they've waited to get on a course here, they are moved on or out."

No they don’t – they complain about incessant government targets designed to find failure as opposed to letting the prison officers get on with their job, a job which happens to be the punishment and rehabilitation of criminals. They despair at the liberal free everybody attitude of criminals’ rights being more important than victims.

“"What's the use of sending us people for a few months, just long enough to lose their home, family and job?" said one governor of a crowded inner-city prison.”

Keep them in longer then… apparently it reduces the crime figures.

She goes on about ‘knife crime panic’…..

“Reporters hung out on the streets with boys eager to brag about the "shanks" in their pockets. This 15-year-old claims he's called "Killer" and shows the Mirror his fancy-handled knife with pride. That one boasts of the people he's shanked to get respect. Indeed, police have seized 50% more knives:”

NO!!! The police haven’t seized 50% more knives. The police have had 50% knives handed into them by law-abiding perfectly legal knife owners. Much as I admire the police let’s have credit where it’s due Polly.

This is the same knee-jerk bollocks reaction that we had with the Handgun ban. Stabbing people is illegal, people who are going to stab someone really don’t give a flying feck whether carrying the means to stab someone is also illegal. Get this into your head.

“Over the decade the average weekly number of knife murders has been four and a half - and recently, during this panic, there have been no more than four knife murders a week. Anecdotes stick horribly in the memory, but the figures tell another story.”

The figures here also show that the average number of knife murders hasn’t really changed that much despite the “the police seizing 50% more knives”. She writes this like 4 murders a week is acceptable. Let me ask this Polly…

How many murders a week are committed when all the murderers are in jails? The left seem to think we have too many prisoners, Guttersnipe feels we have too few prisons.

“Short jail sentences are worse than useless, as the public accounts committee said this week, led by the rightwing Tory Edward Leigh; the committee has called for alternatives to jail”

Why not consider something like … hmmm let me think… LONGER SENTENCES!!! Honestly it’s staring them in the face.

“How tragically revealing that half of all prisoners are completely illiterate and another 20% have a reading age under eight. The Shannon Trust gets prisoners to teach each other to read; it costs just £70 per pupil over about six months, and gives the mentors a new sense of self-worth. But many prisons are too overcrowded to be able to do it.”

Ah…. It’s society’s fault is it? They’re illiterate, have no job prospects and have no sense of self-worth. If that is the case then most people who suffer from clinical depression and low self-esteem are going to go out and stab people. This isn’t the case.

Deter them effectively and they’ll not stab people, it IS that simple.