Polly's Getting Deperate for Gordon

In today’s column Pol is writing about her favourite subject… when that horrid man Blair is going to make way for her new boyfriend and how he should go about doing it. Now bearing in mind that FactChecking PollyAnna is a whole web site dedicated to pointing out her errors and manages an average of more than one post per column I’d not be too keen on taking her advice if I were you Gordon…

All regular Guttersnipes know that Toynbee just gets the blood boiling and it doesn’t take much for Guttersnipe to reach critical mass… are we sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin…

“Brown must show his hand, even if it means an argument The chancellor needs to come out of his corner….”

I take it by this Polly you mean that he should remind us all that he is here in any other way than taxing us, after all the Spleen, ConservativeHome and James Cleverley have all pointed out 80 reasons why we know Gordon’s around.

“… and set out an agenda of democratic renewal, green policies and social justice”

and by this you mean he should come out with David Cameron’s policies, they seem to work so why not copy them?

“Labour's flagging fortunes might be a reason for the heir apparent to feel his hour is at last nigh. But that's not quite the way it looks, with Gordon Brown under heavy battery from those who seem to think that Tony Blair's legacy would be best served by no one else winning after him. “

Oh I could see someone winning after him… the honourable member for Witney perhaps? I particularly like the above paragraph because Polly is assuming that without Brown in charge then Labour can’t win. Can you see the desperation?

“The latest Ipsos Mori poll yesterday put the Conservatives 10 points ahead, at 41%; only six months ago they were 10 points behind. Blair's approval rate has sunk to minus 41, his lowest ever. Yet the handover looks no nearer. “

Since you’re so fond of polls Polly why not have a look at this one in er… the fecking Guardian!
Yes, if you could stop being blinded by Gordon’s Right Honourable Member you’d clearly see that Brown polls less than Blair when sent out to the electorate, even the leftie loving cappucinites that read that rag. Much as I don’t want to see Labour victories, you should give yourselves a chance guys.

“The not-yet race for the non-vacant deputy leadership is in danger of turning into a proxy Stop Brown campaign. Alan Johnson, the likeable and well-respected contender to succeed Prescott some day, is now being floated as the latest in a succession of Anyone-but-Brown candidates touted by the Anyone-but-Brownites. Johnson, a wise and canny politician, no doubt looks with a beady eye on the sorry fate of previous wearers of that prickly mantle. “

Well given that without a leadership contest Brown would just walk in despite the opinions of Labour MPs that don’t want him. Doesn’t this sound like a “promote democracy” campaign rather than a “Stop Brown” campaign? Given that Brown is performing worse than Blair against Cameron isn’t this a good idea? Apparently not.

“It takes some decoding to glean from Brown's necessarily guarded public utterances, but his priorities are significantly different. True, both he and Blair devised New Labour and its triangulations: he, too, will be a public services reformer, prudent as ever. “

Have a look at that last sentence – PRUDENT AS EVER???? I’m sure the Major and Wat Tyler have something else to say on that front, as do the nurses who are facing the sack, the middle england residents who have been taxed 80 times (you know .. the Guardianista types? Remember them? The people who leave comments under your tripe?), and many many others. Where are you living woman? No doubt you’re in one of our few remaining tax havens. Honestly I would have been surprised if Hazel Blears came out with bollocks like this, and she’ll say anything. But then the facts and your articles are poles apart aren’t they?

“But he has talked for so long with marbles in his mouth (sounds like you’re talking with something in your mouth Pol - RG), to prevent a major row with his leader, that some are wondering if he has the new ideas to kindle real renewal. Brown the unspun makes a good contrast with slick Cameron the calculating charmer - but where's the fire?”

I hate to labour this point but if Brown the unspun is a good contrast why is this not reflected in the polls. EVERY poll we’ve seen lately has the Tories ahead, some by a majority forming margin. The main contrast I can see is that the country want Cameron and don’t want Brown. As for your bollocks about unspun, Christ wake up woman! Pink ties, new teeth, a sudden love of the Arctic Monkeys, appearing in New Woman?? Unspun? For feck’s sake!

“Alarm on the back benches - especially among the scores in marginal seats - is easily stirred.”
Damn right… the backbenchers are seeing what you and the cabinet won’t, we don’t want you, we don’t want Blair, we don’t want Brown, WE DON’T WANT LABOUR. The loss of a seat means the loss of an MPs job and if the Editor of the Guardian started behaving in a way that was going to get you fired then you’d be a bit uneasy wouldn’t you?

“Some watching Cameron sweep all before him, on a billow of blue-skies, policy-free thinking, see how weary he makes the government look, weighed down by the burden of office and its accidents.”

OK! Time for a little lesson in reality… Cameron is good, he’s new, he is charming but he hasn’t done anything to make the party look weary and crap. For God’s sake he’s even getting your legislation through for you. Cameron’s own party are complaining about this and he’s still doing it. New Labour is looking weary and crap because New Labour IS weary and crap. They ARE burdened down by weight of office and their accidents. Cameron didn’t release foreign prisoners, Cameron didn’t employ illegal immigrants and Cameron to the best of my knowledge doesn’t sexually assault his office staff.

“Brown is admired for his conviction on poverty at home and abroad: key speeches over recent months stress work/life balance and the environment, set to be main themes of his leadership. But he has been hamstrung in passionate rhetoric while unable to lay out his manifesto. He is criticised for caution, but if he dares reveal his beliefs, his enemies charge him with divisiveness, disloyalty and old Labour factionalism.”

This could be something to do with the fact that aside from high taxation Brown’s signature and legacy has been Old Labour factionalism and disloyalty. For God’s sake, when it’s easier to get Tory support for your bills than it is to get the Chancellor’s then you need to look long and hard at party unity.

“What directions might he take? As Mr Clean, democratic renewal comes first. Brown can draw a line under sleaze and the contamination of party funding. But as a party tribalist he could do the really brave and wise thing: bring in a fairer voting system to open up politics and get people back into the polling booths.”

Are we going down the route of proportional respresentation here? If you’re looking for fairer systems then may I suggest that we look at either an English Parliament or reversal of devolution.

“Green ideas are ripe for harvesting. The public knows what has to be done: the first person to confront hard decisions on energy saving will earn rewards for honesty.”
Like Cameron has..

“Rummaging about for "Britishness", a Brown vision could brand Britain green, a pioneer environmental nation, green in agriculture, energy, transport and low carbon living.”
Like Cameron has..

“As for social justice, Brown has already done most to redistribute, albeit quietly. He should talk honestly about wealth as well as poverty.”
He should talk about creating wealth and closing the poverty divide. The way to do this is to allow aspiration and opportunity. Not state dependance.
Like Cameron has..

“As for women, it is Labour who knows that their work and family lives are too hard: how can their votes be turning Tory? “
Because they like Cameron and like what he is saying or are you implying that the women vote based on image?

“These three broad sweeps of direction - the democratic, the green and the socially just - strike deep chords. “
Like Cameron has… with these three areas.

“That is the heart of the debate within Labour. Troubled emails from weakened Labour parties reflect this dilemma. Some plead for no more boat-rocking at the top, and propose to let Blair stay, as long as he wants to reassure middle England. Others beg for quick change: pull up on the joystick now, give us hope. “

Any particular joystick in mind Polly? Make sure you pull good and hard...