Well it’s taken me a while but I’m trawling through Blair’s conference speech of yesterday and stopping to comment on anything that gets the Guttersnipe’s blood up. The trouble being there’s so much if it. This therefore is going to be an ongoing project for me to give its full attention. Please join me over the next few days as I really go to town.
There’s just too much to fisk in one day… so here goes... seconds out round one, eyes down for a full house...
I'd like to start by saying something very simple. Thank you. Thank you to you, our Party, our members, our supporters, the people who week in, week out do the work, take the flak but don't often get the credit. Thank you, the Labour Party for giving me the extraordinary privilege of leading you these past 12 years. I know I look a lot older. That's what being leader of the Labour Party does to you.
It’s also what 12 years does to you at your stage of life Tone…
Actually, looking round some of you look a lot older. That's what having me as leader of the Labour Party does to you. Nobody knows that better than John Prescott, my Deputy these last 10 years, author of "traditional values in a modern setting".
Traditional values in a modern setting? Well we do appear to have the traditional Labour values of being a complete illiterate twat with no interest in anything other than the trappings of power and everything he can get his greasy mitts on (including his PA) so yes… a fair comment I think.
I may have taken New Labour to the country but it was you that helped me take it to the Party, so thank you.
Er…. They are the party I believe.
When I went to Sedgefield to seek the nomination, just before the 1983 election, I was a refugee from the London-based politics of that time. I knocked on John Burton's door. He said "come in; but shut up for half an hour, we're watching the Cup Winners Cup final". I sat in the company of the most normal people I had met in the Labour Party.
Because the rest of them are all fucking fruitloops. Look at who we had in those days:
Michael Foot, Neil Kinnock, George Galloway, Gerald Kaufman… jesus I’m not surprised you met the most normal people just sat in a front room, there are probably only 6 normal people in the Labour Party.
They taught me that most of politics isn't about politics, in the sense of meetings, resolutions, speeches or even Parties. It starts with people. It's about friendship, art, culture, sport. It's about being a fully paid up member of the human race before being a fully paid up member of the Labour Party. But above all else, I want to thank the British people.
Would these be the same British people who you have banned from being within 5 miles of the conference? The same British people who are no longer allowed to voice their opinions near Parliament?
The same British people Not just for the honour of being Prime Minister but for the journey of progress we have travelled together.
Yup…. Downhill is an easy direction to travel in isn't it? You are a twat!
Leaders lead but in the end it's the people who deliver.
Because with governments like your Tone we fucking well have to.
In the last few months I've seen new hospitals like University College in London, the new Queen Elizabeth Hospital planned in Birmingham or Whiston Hospital in Knowsley, where I laid the foundation stone.But without the talents and dedication of the NHS staff, they would be just empty shells.It is their efforts which have cut waiting, improved care, transform and save tens of thousands of lives every day. Thank you.
Oh for fuck's sake… it is YOUR efforts that have made nurses redundant, caused UNISON to call a walk out, get the NHS in more debt than it has ever seen and given us the whole idea of closing hospitals in Tory safe seats.
And we in Government can help put in place the new Academy in Liverpool or the ground-breaking Education Village in Darlington which I have visited recently.
Academy and Education Village? They just wanted a school to, you know, teach maths and all that but no they had to have a fecking “Education Village” no doubt crammed with diversity officers and classroom assistants and anything other than teachers.
But it's the commitment and love of learning of their teachers and their pupils, and the support of parents, which have given our country the best educated children in our history. Thank you.
Best educated children in history? Shall we have a quick look at some figures Tone? And by the way these will not be using the phrase “in real terms”.
- Reading and Writing. Almost half of all 11 year-olds cannot read, write and add up properly when they leave primary school.
- GCSEs. Nearly 23,000 children left school last year without a single GCSE.
Best educated? Maybe the best test results in history but we all know that's something else entirely.
In 1994, I stood before you for the first time and shared the country's anger at crumbling school buildings, patients languishing, sometimes dying in pain, waiting for operations, of crime doubled, of homes repossessed, of pensioners living in poverty; and told you of our dismay at four election defeats and how it was not us who should feel betrayed but the British people.
Whereas in 2006, he stands before you responsible for the country's anger at crumbling school buildings, patients languishing, sometimes dying in pain, waiting for operations, of crime doubled, of homes repossessed, of pensioners living in poverty; and talk of nothing other than three election victories like its something important to the rest of the world and how it was not them who should feel betrayed but the British people.
In 1997, we faced daunting challenges.
Boom and bust economics.
Look Tone the only, and I mean THE ONLY, reason that we don’t have boom and bust economics now is that the house prices haven’t shifted yet. When they do and they will do as all markets do then there will be a lot of bust people. Boom and bust had its faults but it came about because of an economy that encouraged investment and entrepeneurship hence the age of the yuppy but the stagnant fecking vision of your one-eyed Brutus has shafted that royally into the ground. There is no bust because there cannot be a boom.
Chronic under-investment in our public services.
So… back in the Tory years we had public services bleating that they didn’t have enough money to waste on management consultants and diversity seminars. Now you’ve hosed everything in my hard earned money there has been no improvement at all… even the usually blind Patsy agrees with me? So where’s the success eh?
Social division, with millions living in poverty, including over 3 million children.
Which we still have, you’ve just redefined poverty.
And more than all this, a country culturally and socially behind. No black Ministers and never a black Cabinet Minister. Parliament, supposedly the forum of the people, with only 1 in 10 women MPs.
So you’re going on the diversity and equality angle here are you? Where is your first female Prime Minister then eh? It’s all well and good you branding the Tories as old fashioned stuffy blokes in country clubs but we put a woman in a position of power. You seem to feel that they can’t get into positions of power without an all woman shortlist.
Gay people denied equal rights. Trade unionists able to be sacked for joining a union. Workers on £1.20 an hour, legally.
That might sound a nightmare scenario Tony but for fuck’s sake, now we’re having to pay the most unskilled muppet more money than he is actually worth… as such cheap labour is available using illegal immigrants and the immigration crisis deepens.
Now, for all that remains to be done, dwell for a moment on what has been achieved.
We have had the longest period of sustained economic growth in British history.
OK… first of all we only have records back to 1950 so that claim is a bit ambitious don’t you think? Do we really think that our current growth period is longer than say around the Industrial Revolution? The ascent of the British Empire? The recovery from the Black Death?
But even using the figures we have the longest growth period there is 15 years, which means if Tony’s fucking fucktards have kept it going then 6 years of that is a Tory achievement.
Mortgage repossession, like mass unemployment, are terms we have to be reminded of.
No they are not. If unemployment is so down then why has the welfare bill gone through the fucking roof?
The last NHS winter crisis was 6 years ago.
Yeah… now the NHS is in its best year ever, and let’s not forget 6 years ago we had a Labour government approaching its second term.
Heart patients wait on average less than three months. Cancer deaths are down by 43,000.
From what and from when? I’m going to assume that he is referring to 1997 here and doing the rare thing of claiming from only when he’s been in power (see economy notes above). That would mean that the reduction in cancer deaths is following the same trend that has been going for 20 years since the Thatcher days.
You are more likely to see a new school building than a crumbling one.
But it won’t have any teachers in it, nor will it be producing any literate children.
There are virtually no long- term young unemployed.
Because they’re all fulfilling your fruitbat fucking 50% into university target studying aroma-fucking-therapy. Anybody with any talent has fucked off abroad where they can get a decent job.
Today we ask can we meet our ambitious targets on child poverty when, before 1997, the idea of a child poverty target would have been laughable.
From this then I can deduce that since 1997 child poverty has become a real problem since the target wasn’t needed before.
We have black Ministers and the first woman and then the first black woman Leader of the Lords. Not enough women MPs but twice what there were.
And why is this good? If they’re the cream of the crop then good luck to them. Gender, colour etc doesn’t matter. If your line up is based on ability alone (and god help you if you picked Blears and Hewitt on ability) then how is the fact that they are black or female your achievement?
You put people there because they were black didn’t you?
Free museum entry that has seen a 50% rise in visitors.
No…. a 50% rise in visits. The people it was designed to get into museums (ie. The Ds and Es of the world) still are not going. The core museum goers now just go more often.
Banning things that should never have been allowed: handguns, cosmetic testing on animals; fur farming, blacklisting of trade unionists and from summer next year, smoking in public places.
Fox hunting…. Don’t forget hunting, oh and smoking in your own car, protesting within a mile of Westminster unless you’re waving a “Behead anyone who isn’t Muslim” banner, protesting at the Labour conference… the list goes on.
Allowing things that should never have been banned: the right to roam; the right to request flexible working; civil partnerships for gay people.
OK… civil partnerships I’m OK with, but right to roam? Why should that happen? You now have the right to wander as you see fit across a farmer’s private land? That’s called trespassing, and as for the right to request flexible working.. you always had that right just as the employer always had the right to tell you to fuck right off.
Of course, the daily coverage of politics focuses on the negative.
Well there is so much of it to go around Tone…
But take a step back and be proud: this is a changed country.
For the fecking worse.
Above all, it is progressive ideas which define its politics. That is the real result of a third term victory. And the Tories have to pretend they love it.The Bank of England independence, they never did in 18 years, the minimum wage, they told us would cost a million jobs. The help for the world's poor, they cut. They fall over themselves saying how much they agree with us.
Right… I’ll concede BOE independence up to a point, but if you’re going to criticise the last Tories for not doing that then also you should condemn Old Labour for not doing it either. The minimum wage has cost a million jobs, just because you’ve propped them all into the fucking NHS doesn’t mean they were not lost in the first place.
We have changed the terms of political debate.
Yeah… you’d have taken parliamentary debate, wiped your holier than thou fucking arse with it and flushed it down the bog with your Legislative Reform Bill and European Consti-fucking-tution as well.
This Labour Government has been unique.
Yup… it’s the only one that’s won 3 times… other than that it’s been like all the others.
We faced out to the people, not in on ourselves. We put the Party at the service of the country.
Fuck off… just fuck right off you sanctimonious fucking twat! Party at the service of the country? Oh for fuck’s sake… the country is at the fucking mercy of the Labour Party more like? If you’re our fucking servants then you’re fucking fired… give us our money back.
We abandoned the ridiculous, self-imposed dilemma between principle and power.
Yup…. Drop the principles, take the power.
We reach out not just to those in poverty or need but those who are doing well but want to do better; those on the way up, ambitious for themselves and their families.
Yup… you reach out to those people on their way up the ladder and tax them until their intestines are shat out of their state monitored arses and affter you strangle every bit of ambition and freedom out of their still warm corpse you tax everything they had when they died. You fucking fucking fucks!
These are our people too.
Our people? You don’t own us you Orwellian retard! We own you… you are there at ours and Her Majesty’s Pleasure.
Not to be tolerated for electoral reasons.
So people are not to be tolerated for electoral reaosns, but you’re free to shut their fucking hospitals if they vote Tory aren’t you Blair?
But embraced out of political conviction.
I’m so looking forward to those political convictions…. Lord Levy, Blair? Sad that old Tubbyfucker's not getting his collar felt any more but you can't win em all.
The core vote of this Party today is not the heartlands, the inner city, not any sectional interest or lobby. Our core vote is the country. It was they who made us change.
Actually given that you were returned 36% of a 61% turnout, which means that only 21% of the country wanted you back in office. I'd say the core vote was a resounding 79% against.