Friday, September 08, 2006

Does Anyone Believe This Shit?

Ridiculous simpering twat site Keeping the Faith has publicised what it believes (no it can’t actually believe this shit can it?) to be Tony Blair’s 50 top achievements since 1997.

Shall we have a look?

Tony Blair's Achievements
Tony Blair's top 50 achievements since being elected in 1997:


1. Lowest inflation since the 60s
Well unsurprising given that we’ve stopped using the Retail Prices Index... if you have a look at the Retail Prices Index since the 60s (which you can do
here) you’ll see that this isn’t really the case.

2. Low interest rates
Even an old Tory like your good Gutternsipe here can’t fault the decision to let the Bank of England set the interest rates. What fecks me off is that Blair and Brown keep claiming credit for the low interest rates when it wasn’t their decision. Would they take the blame if the BOE put interest rates up to 25%? I doubt it.

3. Introduced the National Minimum Wage
Great.... what we have now is a shit load of illegal immigrants who work below minimum wage and don’t comlplain about it since its more money than they’ve seen in their life. Meanwhile the low end of the pay scale workers in Britain faced redundancy rather than the glittering pay rise that the minimum wage offered. Twat!

4. Record police numbers in England and Wales
No record numbers of Community Support Officers in England and Wales. No powers, cheaper alternative but nice uniform. Record crime levels as well – figures.

5. Cut overall crime by 35 per cent
No you fecking haven’t. It’s well established that the only person to have cut crime on his watch was Michael Howard. However much you may dislike him the stats back him up.

6. Record levels of literacy and numeracy in schools
Then how come record numbers of school leavers can’t read and write? It wasn’t like this under Major.

7. Best-ever primary school results
Only ever primary school results since it was Blair that started all the tests and league tables.

8. Funding for every pupil in England to double (since 1997) by 2007-08
Just a shame it hasn’t been done yet.

9. Lowest unemployment for 29 years
But the jobless total has risen given that most people who were ‘unemployed’ before are now on disability. Those that have got jobs are doing jobs we don’t need doing in the public sector. Nice figures massage if you can get it.

10. Written off up to 100 per cent of debt owed by poorest countries
While getting the UK into the most debt it has ever seen without a low tax level to bail it out when the payments get too much.

11. 78,700 more nurses
More nursing graduates maybe but 1 in 4 can’t find a vacancy.

12. 27,400 more doctors
All Indian since all our universiy entrants are studying diversity theory


13. Brought back matrons to hospital wards
But the nurses aren’t nursing, they’re off being Nurse Practitioners and pretending to be doctors.

14. Devolved power to the Scottish Parliament
Yes... the power to vote on English Tuition fees without allowing the reciprocal courtesy.

15. Devolved power to Welsh Assembly
To do what exactly?

16. Banned anti-personnel mines
Did we use anti-personnel mines under the Tories?

17. NHS Direct offering free convenient patient advice at any time
Which you may remember is stopping because nobody uses it, it’s crap and is going to become a digital TV station instead. How about opening a few hospitals? Oh sorry.. you don’t have the money do you?

18. New Deal - helped over a million people into work
Nope.... kept a million people dependent on the state for a reasonable income.

19. Local government funding has increased by a third in real terms
OK we all know the use of the words ‘in real terms’ means ‘we’re talking absolute knackers’. Funding may be up but its spent on press officers and diversity advisers when what we want is clean streets and good community facilities.

20. Equalised the age of consent for gay men
OK

21. Free entry to all national museums and galleries
Let’s rewrite that shall we? “21. Banned national museums from charging entry” – no further investment and now national treasures such as the Royal Armouries, British Museum and Imperial War Museum are resorting to begging bowls in the foyer.

22. Overseas aid budget more than doubled
Nice to know our hard earned money is propping up Somalian Islamism eh?

23. Restored city-wide government to London
So far we’ve had 3 devolution arguments which is basically claiming “Tony delegated 3 areas of his responsibility to someone else” hardly an achievement. That’s like me saying one of my great achievements is getting Lady Guttersnipe to sit my Driving Test.

24. Child benefit up 25 per cent since 1997
In line with Retail Price Index Inflation so not really an achievement is it?

25. Created Sure Start to help children from low income households
Yet all the surveys show Sure Start to be a complete failure. The only people who think otherwise are Blair sycophants and Polly Toynbee.

26. Introduced the Disability Rights Commission
Because the Disabled didn’t have rights before?

27. £200 winter fuel payment to pensioners & extra £100 for over-80s
Yeah... but only in election year wasn’t it?

28. The biggest rolling stock replacement programme ever seen on our railways
Done by the private companies that run the train services. Why don’t we focus on fleecing Railtrack’s shareholders? Whether you like RailTrack or not those people have a right to their investment being returned.

29. Negotiated the historic Good Friday Agreement in Northern Ireland
Yeah... how’s that going along now...

30. Over 30,000 more teachers in England schools
No... 30,000 more classroom assistants in schools. See Community Support Officers above.

31. Implemented the Freedom of Information Act
But only after you shredded anything we wanted to read.

32. All workers now have a right to 4 weeks’ paid holiday
And bosses who couldn't afford to meet that commitment laid their staff off - how's that good for the worker?


33. Record rises in the state pension
And record amounts of taxation on private pension funds so they’re going to need it now.

34. 700,000 children lifted out of relative poverty
By redefining poverty.

35. Introduced child tax credit giving more money to parents
Oh yes... more money to parents. How can I possibly be grateful that people seem to deserve my hard earned money simply because they have had a child? And then you go and overpay by £2m quid.

36. Banned handguns
Banned our Olympic Pistol Shooting Team (for which we go Gold, you’ll need that come 2012). The criminals on the other hand have more handguns than ever before.

37. Cut long-term youth unemployment by 75 per cent
By getting them all on media degrees and aromatherapy courses, in fact anything other than a fucking job!

38. Free nursery places for three and four-year-olds in England, Scotland and Wales
Er.... we had state nurseries before... Guttersnipe went to one, the last time I checked it still wasn’t charging.

39. Free fruit for all four to six-year-olds at school
No doubt to supplement that diet of Turkey Twizzlers and shite that the state feeds our already fat fecktard children.

40. Free school milk for five, six and seven-year-olds in Wales
Given that it’s Wales only I’d put this down as a Welsh Assembly achievement which I believe Bliar isn’t a member of.

41. Record police numbers in Scotland
See above but substitute Scottish Parliament for Welsh Assembly

42. Implemented the Human Rights Act
And made sure his Human Rights Barrister wife was never out of work while the rest of us are now surrounded by Islamist goons waiting to explode at a moment’s notice.

43. Cleanest rivers, beaches, drinking water and air since the industrial revolution
So let me get this straight.... during the Industrial Revolution our rivers were cleaner?

44. Free TV licences for over-75s
However the licence fee went through the roof for the rest of us

45. Banned fur farming and the testing of cosmetics on animals
er... we didn’t have these things in the UK before 1997.

46. Halved maximum waiting times for NHS operations
No... you declared that the maximum allowed waiting time would be halved, the hospitals still miss these targets and the patients still wait for the operations.

47. Free local bus travel for over-60s
No.... free National Express bus travel for the over 60s.

48. Record number of students in higher education
Because the A levels are easier and the courses are shite. How many media degrees do we need?

49. Extended the Race Relations Act so that all public bodies and functions now have a duty to promote race equality
And as such allowed a culture of political correctness to such an extent that the straight white working male feels like a minority.

50. Five, six and seven-year-olds in class sizes of 30 or less
Mentored by a classroom assistant and still unable to read.

There you have it Guttersnipes... makes you proud to be British doesn’t it?

12 comments:

judge judy said...

I happen to know about No. 27, the £200 Winter Fuel payment to pensioners. My dad gets this EVERY year - not just in election years. I don't know about the rest of the claims.

NotSaussure said...

Folks might be amused by The Register's report of this website's tribulations.

See also Bloggerheads' coverage

Rottweiler Puppy said...

51: Helped George Bush bomb Islamopaths back into the stone age ... Or doesn't the leftist who compiled this list actually want to credit Blair with being on the right side of the defining issue of our age? What sad, sad, sad lives these people lead.

Ellee said...

Don't forget to add that up to 1,000 NHS jobs due to be axed in Suffolk over the next two years - that's the real legacy people live with.

Anonymous said...

No 27 - this was the £200 Council Tax General Election Bribe not the winter fuel allowance - although with the cost of gas and electricity going through the roof its worth less in real terms every year!

...I can't wait for the grumbling OAPs to start complaining when they realise they are not going to get a £200 handout this year!

judge judy said...

To Anonymous 10.38 pm. As I have already said, my dad gets £200 every winter and it is winter fuel payment (my dad is a pensioner). If you don't believe me I will send you his bank statements. And I am definitely not sticking up for Blair - I think he should GO NOW.

KeirHardiesCap said...

Here's a few more achievements:
- Destroying the Geneva Conventions.
- Re-enfranchising torture and secret renditions for torture.
- Slaughter of countless and uncounted innocent civilians just to prove political points. Added to this allowing weapons of mass destruction to go to Israel thro UK airports, including cluster munitions which are purposely made to kill and maim civilians, especially children who pick them up thinking they are something to play with.
- Putting the women of the ME back into person-sized tents.
- Helping to unleash the most dangerous Merkin administration EVER.
- Privatising everything that moves, in the expectation of future paybacks for themselves.
- Allowing Merkin hyenas into our health & social programmes to make huge amounts of money out of us.
- Backing and supporting the most brutal and racist regime in the world. This is almost the worst thing as anyone with a brain bigger than a sugar-puff can see what is happening in Srael and Palestine.
- Engineering the final destruction of GB industry and replacing it with a black economy filled with violent, twenty-something males from... Run out of room!

judge judy said...

Why dosen't somebody set up a "GO NOW" website (I can't do it I don't know how) and get people to sign it setting out all Blair's non-achievements? It might help to tip him over the edge.

Anonymous said...

As a Labour-ish supporter who hates this government with a passion: I'd love to comment on (at least a couple of) your rejoinders but am too incapacitated by laughing. Great job.

Which, jumping off at a tangent, might suggest that the best way to defeat Fundamentalist Islam is to put the FUN back into Fundamental. Taking the piss in a non-smartarse way does work wonders.

judge judy said...

Most of the hilarious names have been removed from the Keeping the Faith petition to support Tony Blair. But one or two are still there. For example, you can still see Edna Kasoven (head in a gas over) and Wayne Kerr.

Dangerouslysubversivedad said...

keirhardiescap,

What utter bollocks you do talk. If you think Israel is the brutal regime explain how the International Gay pride march was free to go to the Temple Mount under Israeli protection but if it'd gone through Pali areas they'd have all been lynched?

And by the way, talking of the Geneva convention your fucking 'oppressed palestinians' break it every sngle day by deliberately siting weapons amongst civilians. Under such circumstances under the Geneva Convention Israel is perfectly entitled to strike at them and the responsibility lies with the Palis, not the Israelis.

Innocent civilians? The Palis elected a government whose Charter calls for Jews everywhere to be exterminated. Saddam killed 30000 Kurds in an afternoon when he used chemical weapons on them - where the fuck were your protests then you wanker?

Anonymous said...

Your comments are lies. As a 'neutral' even I can see that what you have written is complete crap. You must have too much time on your hands if all you can do is make up a load of bullshit stories - try getting out a bit and get a life mate!

By the way the tories are all inbred fuckwits with webbed feet and narrow minds!