Government Blameless... It's All Our Fault!

The rage has started early this morning…. Gutternsipe blogged yesterday with the question “Why the hell is the crime rate our fault?”. Today it seems that it’s not just crime that is the fault of the great British taxpayer. Apparently the NHS overspend is our fault as well.

Smug looking bastard on the right, Health Minister Andy “I’ve probably got private health insurance” Burnham has some things to day on where the NHS can save £700m a year.

“a reduction in avoidable emergency admissions for conditions such as asthma, heart problems and angina could save the NHS over £120m a year;”

“reducing unnecessary outpatient appointments by up to 50 per cent could save over 800,000 return appointments and £50m annually.”

So it’s our fault again isn’t it dear Guttersnipes? We’re clogging up those hospitals with our unnecessary heart problems and asthmatics. The finger of suspicion has been pointed… we should hang our heads in shame.

He goes on to clarify the Health Commisariat’s thinking:

“"For example, cutting the number of avoidable emergency admissions doesn't mean poorer services. We know patients would rather be treated at home than in hospital and by doing this where it's appropriate the NHS can save money as well as improving patient care."”

Look Andy… patients may be more comfortable being treated at home providing their home has 2 operating theatres, an MRI scanner, a chemotherapy unit and a crash team on standby. Otherwise I think they’re going to prefer the idea of hospital. People would express a preference towards being at home because it would mean that they are not ill.

Twat!

This explains a lot...

Both myself and many other people in the Blogosphere have commented on the woeful lack of payments to farmers.

Whether you agree with subsidising farmers or not, they are entitled to them and the government still haven't paid them. They found the time to ban hunting across the fields, but not actually promote the business that might keep these farmers going.

Still we've wondered why the payments still haven't been reaching the farmers:

From the BBC:
"The agency [Rural Payments Agency] said it was investigating claims that staff leapt naked from filing cabinets, had sex in office toilets, held break-dancing competitions during working hours and fought in a reception area. "

Remember... it's your tax money that finances this.

Two Horse Race?

This picture is on the Campaign web site for Ben Abbotts, LibDem candidate for Bromley & Chislehurst.



Note the graph? Doesn’t tell you that the result (in seats) was Con – 49, Lib – 7, Lab – 4.

Paints a different picture doesn’t it? While trumpeting about being runners up they also neglect to mention that their result above was for a LOCAL election and in the General Election they were slapped into 3rd and didn’t even get 10,000 votes, and that was when Kennedy said they’d had their best year.

Don’t believe the nice men in sandals…

By-Election Comedy Candidate

Here are some extracts from the Bromley & Chislehurst Labour candidate's web site:

"If elected I pledge to:Neighbourhood Police & Safer Stations: Always campaign for more Neighbourhood Police teams and widely publish their phone no. and email. Pressure for CCTV and staff at all train stations"

Neighbourhood Police Teams eh?. You’ll note here there is no actual mention of Police OFFICERS. No, our Rach is going to recruit a load of Community Support Officers isn’t she? I’m sure they do fantastic work, but basically they have no more powers than you or I. This isn’t a bigger and more effective police presence, it’s just designed to look like one.Knife Crack-down:

"Support five-year sentences for carrying knives and stopping the sale of knives. Back laws for local schools to scan for knives."

Knee Jerk: Again Rachel, had the Labour government not enlisted the help of powerless CSO’s and actually put in some policing then we might not have this problem now.

"ID Cards: Support ID cards to help our security and beat benefit fraud. Back investment in tough immigration controls."

What? Where do they find people who will actually believe this shit? Tougher immigration controls is one thing, but nivestment in tough immigration controls is something else entireley. My good man Wat Tyler can show you where a lot of that investment goes.

"Contract with YOU: Run monthly surgeries and coffee mornings across Bromley & Chislehurst; widely publish my office contact details; run web-based MP inquiry service; hold annual St George's day event"

Take a good look at the above paragraph. Contract with you? Contract? Have some basic spelling will you woman? The observant amongst you may notice that our erstwhile Labour Candidate can’t even spell Bromley & Chislehurst (see below). Says a lot about Labour education standards doesn’t it? She’ll have had an A* I guarantee it.

“both the Conservatives and Lib Dems have repeatedly opposed Labour's funding of YOUR neighbourhood police teams.”

Yes we have… we wanted the money spent on police officers.

“Conservative-controlled Bromley Council has cut YOUR local public services.”

And yet increased our majority by 1.4% at the last election.

”Please feel free to contact me and my Action Team on 020 8460 0626 or by clicking here if you have your own ideas about how we can improve our lives here in Bromley and Chislehurst.”

There’s her contact details my good Guttersnipes, please contact (not contract) her and tell her the way to improve people’s lives is for her to vote Conservative.

UPDATE - They've corrected the spelling on the banner now, but other typos remain.

"Get Of Yer Horse and Drink Yer Milk!"

I hate to admit this but John Reid may achieve his goal of fixing the entire Home Office in 100 days. I don’t think his new technique can fail.

From the BBC:
“People should "stop moaning" and help tackle anti-social behaviour in their own area, the government may suggest.”

Do you see where this is going? The Home Office will work seamlessly since none of what the Home Office does will be the responsibility of the Home Office. It will all be our fault.

I’m all for a smaller state but laws and wars need to be the domain of government. Sure we should do all we can to reduce Anti-Social Behaviour if we were just sat on our arses watching the world go by, but we’re not.

We have Community Action Groups, we have Neighbourhood Watch schemes, we have a range of volunteer actions that have sprung up from the public but the bottom line is the government won’t let us defend ourselves and our property.

This is a government that allows burglars to claim compensation for injuring themselves on windows they have broken. Burglars can be compensated for falling of our roves when they’re trying to break in.

I think we have the right to complain, it’s one of the few rights the victims have left.

This is an area where a responsible government is essential. It’s just a shame we haven’t got one.

Guardianistas Against Dave

Yay… Dave’s ahead in the polls and they’re all coming out of the woodwork to criticise and fisk every little detail of him and today is no exception as the Guardian Twat Counter reaches 3.

Only fair I suppose, Guttersnipe does this all the time. With this in mind I see no reason to stop now and in defence of the Hon. Member for Witney it’s time to strike back.

Jeffries…. The Snipe is coming at ya!

“Flying a flag of St George on his bike is one thing, but Dave obviously needs ideas on how to make over his car. Let me help “

This is Stuart Jeffries, sub editor of the Guardian, would you accept makeover and style tips from him? How many times have you been in GQ? How many times have you featured in a sexiest men poll Stuart?

“David Cameron isn't really entering into the sheer patriotic fun of the thing. You know, the World Cup. He has put an English flag on his bicycle to express his solidarity with the massed metatarsals of Baden-Baden, true, but not one on the car that accompanies the radical environmentalist's every turn of the pedal. “

Ah right… he’s placed a St. George’s flag on his bike… good on him. Rightly this has been done in moderation. Tessa Jowell has placed 3 on her ministerial car (probably put through the books as a ministerial expense). So who has done the better makeover here? Too much of a good thing makes you look like a dickhead… imagine Long John Silver with two eyepatches and you get my point.

“There are still a few spots in England unbedecked with the flag whose design so eloquently expresses our national summertime sensibility (red and cross), and David's car is one of them. For shame, "sexy" Dave, for shame! Incidentally, am I alone in finding Cameron's secret car of mystery by far the most fascinating thing about the Conservative leader? “

Yes Stuart you are… the rest of us see it as a means of transport, it follows on in the background because Dave likes to cycle, and you can’t cycle with a stackload of ministerial papers and documents. Aside from the balance issues just think of the security!!

“This is the car which, my researcher reveals, daily carries four party workers, each of whom has a special task to fulfil. One holds Cameron's suit, white shirt, green tie, fresh underwear and shoes. The second holds his papers and his iPod, which a team of clued-up Tories regularly updates in order to make Cameron, my source tells me, "even more kickass". The third holds a nutritious apple on a cushion and constantly sends texts to pop stars that always end: "Laters, yeah? Peace out, Dave!". And the fourth? The fourth flunky carries a kiss from mummy in their hand which they blow to David at the end of his cycle ride from Notting Hill to Westminster. “

Have a good look at this paragraph. Now we see the sort of twat we’re dealing with here. Really have you ever read such mindless bollocks in your life, and this is from a supposedly intelligent broadsheet. This crap wouldn’t have even made it into the Beano. Even Prescott draws the line with what he says sometimes.

Let's be absolutely clear. This arrangement is good for Britain, good for the environment and good for David, who still has abandonment issues following his hellish Eton years, the poor lamb. There is also, of course, a fifth person in the car - the driver, who doesn't speak even when he's spoken to, about whom more later.

Does David Cameron still have abandonment issues? Did he ever? Or can you not find anything actually constructive to say against the man? I note that by 2.45pm today the comments left on this article were:

“Stuart, mate, "Estoy con estúpido" doesn't make any sense in Spanish. Stick to English, please. “
“Well that was five minutes I could have spent on something more useful. Still I suppose the same can be said for Mr Jeffries too... “

So who’s feeling abandoned now? I’m sure you were just transposing your own harsh recollections of being towel whipped in the prefect’s common room before double Latin weren’t you? Good Old Memory Lane…

“But no flags. It comes to something when troubled culture minister Tessa Jowell who, like PG Wodehouse's Scotsman, is readily distinguishable from a sunbeam, takes the lead in showing us how to mobilise politicians' cars to revel in what we again call the sheer patriotic fun of the thing? “

Sheer patriotic fun… could the Guardian make up their minds? Please have a long chat with jonathan Harker and decide whether she is having fun or voting BNP please. Notice the literary reference put in to make sure that we all know Mr. Jeffries is more intelligent than us poor proles. How we should bask in the glory of Guardian columnists. I prefer to quote Renton in Irvine Welsh’s Trainspotting “They’re effete wankers”.

“My team have designed some flags that Cameron's flunkies could fly from his car to pimp his ride. Or, rather, pimp his flunkies' ride. “

Oh Mr. Jeffries… you’re so hip with the kids aren’t you? I’ll bet Wilberforce and Jocasta think you’re simply divine down the Country Club. I’ll bet they even let you pick your own fair trade wine.

“the Cameroonian flag (because Dave's devotees are Cameroons, see).

Oh you’re a card aren’t you? I’m glad I’m near a hospital my sides have just split….

"The great thing about this idea is that it will keep Boris Johnson (aka Vanilla Nice) busy 24/7 and thus away from: 1) Liverpool, 2) potential suitors, and 3) the policy-making process, as well as making a distinctively Conservative stand about, you know, something. Everybody's a winner. Except the driver, who must be fired to make way for Vanilla Nice. But modern politics is all about hard decisions such as these."

And probably beneficial to you that it would keep Boris away from the Telegraph where he writes considerably better articles than you do.
TWAT!

Tough on Crime, Tough on the Victims of Crime

Polly returns today, but only on Comment Is Free… which ironically has the tagline “… but facts are sacred” on its home page but not on Polly’s article. Probably because the facts are the first casualty of any article…

I digress… today she’s turned to crime. Personally I’d rather she took on a life of crime rather than a life of journalism but them’s the breaks.

The column title starts the roll of suspicion…

“Amid this panic over stabbings, we are ignoring what really cuts crime”

The death penalty? Torture? Longer prison senetences… you’d like to think wouldn’t you?

“The prison population rose sharply last week. The Home Office expects it to hit an all-time high next week, topping the 77,800 record. It predicts that prisons will burst their seams by autumn, overflowing into emergency police cells. There are some 500 spare places in open prisons, but risk-aversion in the face of a media storm leaves them empty.”

Expected to hit an all time high next week? How many people are the Home Office jailing next week? Is it Council Tax time again? There are probably more than 500 spare places, there are about 700 spare places in open prisons recently vacated by the murderers, rapist and paedophiles that were allowed to roam free.

“Why this relentless rise? Crime is in long-term decline, down 43% since 1995, according to the British Crime Survey (BCS) - falling all across Europe, though few believe it. (The BCS doesn't include under-16s, but the Youth Justice Board says there is no rise there either.) "

The reason few believe the BCS is twofold Polly. Firstly, it’s bollocks. Secondly it’s Blair’s chosen source of crime figures, therefore massaged to give the message that the government wants to get across, and therefore it’s bollocks.

I doesn’t include under 16s – under 16s commit crimes, these crimes are committed in numbers, many of the knife crimes we’re seeing. But because they are under 16 then it’s not a crime? BOLLOCKS. The Youth Justice Board would say there is no rise, there’s been no rise in justice they just get dumped with ASBOs which have less deterrant value than “please write 100 times I will not commit crime”.

Guttersnipe has seen kids collecting ASBOs like they’re Panini stickers.

“But the single overwhelming reason why jails are bursting is longer sentences given for more crimes. An unquenchable thirst for punishment has seen the numbers given prison sentences rise by 53% in the same decade that crime has fallen. “

Pardon? If you’re going by your own figures Polly this would suggest that longer prison sentences have had a marked effect in reducing the crime figures. Or to put it in the words of former Tory Leader Michael Howard, “prison works”.

Take note Gordon, Polly agrees with Michael Howard. I’ll bet her chances of getting your “grace and favours” have just been right shafted.

“Of all the obnoxious qualities of the British press - its cynicism, its relentless "nothing works" projection of a society in perpetual decline”

We’ve never said “nothing works”, we’ve said “prison works”… you’ve just agreed with it Polly. Maybe that’s one of your “obnoxious qualities” given that you are part of the press. Do you even read the last two sentences of what you write?

“Ever since "tough on crime", Labour has never dared to talk down punishment fever or tell voters that we already have the longest sentences in Europe. “

But isn’t the crime rate coming down because of this Polly? You’ve established that “prison works” now you want to reduce the sentences so that people can leave and molest children at will? Ah yes.. the leftie paradise.

Prison governors despair at the churn of inmates, forever moved on far from home, disrupting treatment, education and training. Most prisons now miss their targets for "purposeful activity".

"What's the use of sending us people for a few months, just long enough to lose their home, family and job?" said one governor of a crowded inner-city prison. "By the time they've waited to get on a course here, they are moved on or out."

No they don’t – they complain about incessant government targets designed to find failure as opposed to letting the prison officers get on with their job, a job which happens to be the punishment and rehabilitation of criminals. They despair at the liberal free everybody attitude of criminals’ rights being more important than victims.

“"What's the use of sending us people for a few months, just long enough to lose their home, family and job?" said one governor of a crowded inner-city prison.”

Keep them in longer then… apparently it reduces the crime figures.

She goes on about ‘knife crime panic’…..

“Reporters hung out on the streets with boys eager to brag about the "shanks" in their pockets. This 15-year-old claims he's called "Killer" and shows the Mirror his fancy-handled knife with pride. That one boasts of the people he's shanked to get respect. Indeed, police have seized 50% more knives:”

NO!!! The police haven’t seized 50% more knives. The police have had 50% knives handed into them by law-abiding perfectly legal knife owners. Much as I admire the police let’s have credit where it’s due Polly.

This is the same knee-jerk bollocks reaction that we had with the Handgun ban. Stabbing people is illegal, people who are going to stab someone really don’t give a flying feck whether carrying the means to stab someone is also illegal. Get this into your head.

“Over the decade the average weekly number of knife murders has been four and a half - and recently, during this panic, there have been no more than four knife murders a week. Anecdotes stick horribly in the memory, but the figures tell another story.”

The figures here also show that the average number of knife murders hasn’t really changed that much despite the “the police seizing 50% more knives”. She writes this like 4 murders a week is acceptable. Let me ask this Polly…

How many murders a week are committed when all the murderers are in jails? The left seem to think we have too many prisoners, Guttersnipe feels we have too few prisons.

“Short jail sentences are worse than useless, as the public accounts committee said this week, led by the rightwing Tory Edward Leigh; the committee has called for alternatives to jail”

Why not consider something like … hmmm let me think… LONGER SENTENCES!!! Honestly it’s staring them in the face.

“How tragically revealing that half of all prisoners are completely illiterate and another 20% have a reading age under eight. The Shannon Trust gets prisoners to teach each other to read; it costs just £70 per pupil over about six months, and gives the mentors a new sense of self-worth. But many prisons are too overcrowded to be able to do it.”

Ah…. It’s society’s fault is it? They’re illiterate, have no job prospects and have no sense of self-worth. If that is the case then most people who suffer from clinical depression and low self-esteem are going to go out and stab people. This isn’t the case.

Deter them effectively and they’ll not stab people, it IS that simple.

To all England Footie Fans in Hackney and Stoke Newington

Your MP Diane Abbott admitted on This Week last night that she supported Jamaica in the warm up because of “cultural loyalty.”

From her web site:
“Diane was born in London in 1953.”

Just how Jamaican is she?

Replace ‘cultural loyalty’ with ‘anti-English sentiments” and you’ve probably got a more accurate picture.

You know what to do come election time.

Last Night's Question Time

A few weeks ago I made a policy of slating the kiss-ass Blair apologist on QT each week. I am sorry to announce that Guttersnipe has failed on this score this week. I actually thought David Lammy (Culture Minister) did a good job. He wasn’t apologising for Blair he was stating his beliefs and stating them well.

Guttersnipe thinks that he would make a threatening front bencher. Instead I’m going to focus on Lynne Featherstone…

Oh my god what a whining nasal waste of time she was (and I assume still is). Every time she spoke she sounded like she was going to break down in tears.

Think about this she is the Home Affairs Spokesman for the LibDems. God forbid they ever got into power. She couldn’t possibly stand up to David Davis, and if Judge John Reid so much as spoke to her she would collapse into tears.

I was impressed by Liam Fox, he was the only one that was answering the questions asked of him, and he wasted no time (along with David Lammy) in destroying Galloway wherever the opportunity arose.

Galloway sat through the whole show behaving like a rampant socialist thug, no surprise there. Featherstone said nothing to him. I imagine if he’d even said “hello” to her she would flee the studio in tears.

Here are some of the comments made by the viewing public:

“How can you justify having such a discredited and unbalanced panellist as George Galloway?”

“Text: Lynne Featherstone is a featherweight.”

“George Galloway is a belligerent fool!”

“What is this? A Galloway political broadcast?”

Time to Worry....

When your visitor stats show this...



They're on to me... Guttersnipe won't go quietly...

Monthly Report From The Bunker

"Yes the trains will run on time!"

Tony Blair used his monthly press conference to defend the Home Office today, surely as a lawyer he should be able to recognise a defence case he can’t win. Who knows what passes through his brain these days?

Source: epolitix

“Describing the home secretary's role as the "toughest job in government", Tony Blair told his monthly press conference that "there had been a lot of progress" in tackling recent problems.”

Yeah it’s going to be the toughest job in government this time since you and Fungus the fecking Bogeyman Clarke made a right old bollocks of it prior to Judge John Reid turning up to make sure all blame is deflected elsewhere. He doesn’t seem to mention the progress that’s been made in creating new problems does he?

Blair said: "The fact is the Home Office has been subject to huge change as a result of globalisation and also the break up of traditional family life, community life and so crime is of a different nature of 30,40,50 years ago.”

First off whenever Blair starts a reply with “the fact is….” I just want to take a large frying pan and bash the sanctimonious twat in the face screaming “Bastard! Bastard! Bastard! We know the facts! The facts are the facts! Don’t give us the lies you two-faced insidious moron! You’ll be a pretty straight sort of guy when I’ve finished with you, you headline grabbing, money wasting fecktard”

Phew…. Calmer now

Of course the Home Office has been subject to change over the last few years… it’s gone from working to totally fucking up everything that goes near it. They talk about the break up of traditional family life and community life but mention nothing about the fact that they are responsible for it with a climate of state dependency, lack of personal responsibility and the financial benefits of not being married.

“He added that plans such as ID cards, electronic borders and giving summary powers to the police were the only way to bridge the gap and deal with 21st century problems.”

Oh feel the rage Guttersnipes, feel the rage….

AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH! The only way that ID cards will help us deal with a 21st century problem is if they fold out into a portable bomb shelter. I fecking hate the way they claim tht everything from Global Terrorism, through Benefit Fraud to the menstrual cycle can be solved by carrying an ID Card.

ENOUGH WITH THE ID CARDS ALREADY YOU MEDDLING INBRED MUPPETS!

Meanwhile Theresa May made a few points that are worth note.

You remember there was a big fuss after 7/7 we needed to detain people for 90 days? It was in November last year that the government lost a vote but won the vote to get 28 days instead.

Well the Human Rights campaigners amongst you may be pleased to know that the detention term is still 14 days. Yup my dear Guttersnipes, nothing has happened.

New “All Talk” Labour has sat down, reshuffled the cabinet, complained that everyone who voted against the bill was obviously a rucksack stroking Al-Qaeda plant, then done sweet feck all.

If they have been unable to get one law started in 230 days what makes us think they can sort out the Home Office in 100? Or less than 100 as it happens.

Commons leader Jack Straw insisted that "under home secretaries of both parties... there is always some time between the passage of an act and the laying of orders under that act".
And he said the Conservatives had blocked the passage of the legislation.
"If anyone is to blame for the delays, it is the Conservative opposition," Straw said.

Oh for feck’s sake…. Its always the fault of the Tories isn’t it? The fact is (like this phrase Blair?) that Labour have a majority of 66. If every party in the House united against them they still couldn’t overcome a Labour party that had all its members voting with the party.

But Labour can’t get all its members to vote against the opposition parties can it? So who is responsible for the delays now? We’ve not seen them claiming that the Tories are responsible for their education bill have we?

Come on Straw, credit where credit is due.

Quarterback is Toast!

BBC:

“Militant leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi has been killed, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki has announced.
"Today we have eliminated Zarqawi," Mr Maliki said, sparking sustained applause. The US said he was killed in an air raid near Baquba. “

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Shameless Plug II

For anyone who wants to read Guttersnipe's rantings about issues other than politics, please make yourself aware of Regular Rantings.

Trying to rant about 1 thing per day.

RG

Weekly Round-Up Of Parliamentary Nonsense VI

Now that the Parliamentary Recess is well and truly over the Round Up Returns, and we can clearly see that the great and the good have spent their free time conjuring up even more impressive displays of pedantry than they did before:

Mr. Clifton-Brown: To ask the Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs how many hours a week was broadcast by the BBC World Service to (a) Bhutan and (b) Nepal

Mr. Amess: To ask the Secretary of State for Education and Skills what the average length of the school day in England was in each of the last five years; and if he will make a statement.

Mark Durkan: To ask the Secretary of State for Northern Ireland how many security guards wearing Crown-based insignia (a) there are in and (b) have been contracted by the civil service, broken down by community background.

Mr. Donaldson: To ask the Secretary of State for Defence how many regimental bands there are in the Army

Bob Russell (Colchester) (LD): What her [Tessa Jowell’s] policy is for the promotion of English folk dance and song?

New Crusade: - Mr. Gregory Campbell: To ask the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs pursuant to his Answer of 19 April 2006, Official Report, column 729W, on television stand-by switches, what estimate he has made of the percentage of televisions in use which consume three to eight watts in stand-by mode. [74192] – Gawd bless ya Gregory.

Mr. Graham Stuart: To ask the Secretary of State for Trade and Industry how many people in (a) Beverley and Holderness and (b) Yorkshire and the Humber have switched to digital television;

More next week dear Guttersnipes...

Harman Swallows Foot on the Daily Politics

A cracking report in the BBC has appeared after Harriet Harman (Attorney General, supposed to be anti-discrimination) has carried on her idea that the role of Deputy Prime Minister should go to a woman.

“Ms Harman says it is a "necessity" that the next incumbent is a woman.”

Guttersnipe Translation – “The job should go to a woman because it just should alright”

She was pressed further on this and apparently has opened her mouth just wide enough to get her feet in..

“She has been banging the drum for more women Labour MPs and more women ministers for the last 20 years, she said.
"We need to have a top leadership team of men and women and I'm not going to stop arguing that now just because there is a vacancy. I know it looks horribly self serving," she told BBC2's The Daily Politics. “

- Is there a vacancy?
- Does she know something we don’t know?
- Does she know something Prescott doesn’t know?

When pressed further on this she corrected herself and said "potential vacancy". Too late Harriet I think the cat was let out of the bag there don’t you? The last time I checked the PM (who is supposedly in charge) was saying that Prescott is staying.

She then carried on with her tub thumping:

“"I don't think that women in the country expect a party who talks about equality and says it's going to deliver for women to actually think that men can be left to get on with it."

But wouldn’t a party talking about equality be saying something other than “it is a "necessity" that the next incumbent is a woman.”

Or does Guttersnipe have an old fashioned dictionary without the new definition of equality?

Whose Side Are You Really On Blair?

Given the current climate of shame regarding being English, a few questions have been asked about Tessa Jowell flying the England flag. I suppose one of them would be does Jonathan Harker think she’s a BNP voting racist?

In response to all this Tony Blair told the BBC:

“"The idea that it's wrong to put the England flag up - come on. Why not? It's the flag of England. It would be completely absurd.
"It's just ridiculous. Why can't people support the England flag? Of course they can. I don't understand that one at all."

Well, fellow Guttersnipe Ken Frost over at Nanny Knows Best has spotted a few of these absurdities:

- Cable company NTL have ordered their van drivers and subcontractors to remove their flags in case they offend Muslims.

- Bosses at Heathrow's Terminal 5 have banned construction workers from flying the flag, health and safety issues there!

- Taxi drivers in Blackpool are banned from flag flying and from wearing England T shirts, lest they upset foreign visitors.

- Taxi drivers in Cheltenham are banned from flag flying, seemingly the council believe that they will fall off and cause an accident. The police want to ban all motorists from flag flying, lest they frighten the horses (yes that really is what they said!).

- Fireman in Barking cannot fly the flag at their station, even though the local Mosque has aid it is fine with them.

So Mr. Blair either put a stop to this nonsense or stop Jowell from flying the flag from her car, although I imagine she could frighten enough horses without a flag.

Why Have a Single Standard When You Can Have a Double?

A column in yesterday’s Guardian has Ken Livingstone saying the following:

“Fighting racism is a daily fight and a political priority. There will be no scaling back of any part of that fight while I am mayor.”

Wise words Ken… but do you remember saying this only the day before?

“"We need Crossrail to keep London's economy ticking over so that we can continue to pay for the Scottish to live the lifestyle to which they are accustomed."”

Yeah… wise words Ken. You twat!

I am sure my good friends at Anyone But Ken would have something to say on this...

Another Great Anniversary

Yesterday was the 62nd anniversary of D-Day. Today is the 6th anniversary of Blair getting the slow handclap from the Women’s Institute. The BBC even has video of it.. go and watch.

Count Guttersnipe taught me very early on in life not to get on the wrong side of women, getting on the wrong side of an entire institute of women sounds like a very bad idea indeed.

Bad ideas, however are New Labour’s forte..

Does Gordon Have Something on Prescott?

Toby Helm writes in today’s Telegraph:

“Gordon Brown has excluded the three women candidates for Labour's deputy leadership from his preferred list of successors to John Prescott, it emerged last night. The Chancellor, who remains the hot favourite to succeed Tony Blair as Labour leader, believes that four male Cabinet members seen as potential deputies would be more suitable.”

Gordon might be favourite but he’s not certain to take over the leadership so from this Guttersnipe concludes either:

- Prescott’s days are up and he’s being replaced. Does he know?
- Brown’s come straight out with no role for Prescott. Do you think that Two Jabs is going to be a keen Brown ally when he needs him?

“The Chancellor also believes that Hazel Blears, the new party chairman, would be less well-suited to the post than the four male candidates.”

How very diplomatic – a pair of Frenchman’s pants would be more suited to the job than Hazel “whatever Tony wants” Blears.

“The news that Mr Brown's "A-list" contains no women will disappoint female Labour MPs, who believe that, having increased their numbers since 1992, they should be represented at the top of the party.”

God forbid you can get a job on merit girls.. can you explain to me why it should be a woman? Sure I can see why you would want to guarantee that women can apply but surely it’s wrong to guarantee that women make the grade.

So… how long are we giving Prescott now that nobody appears to be dampening down this race for succession?

Mayday! Mayday!

Iain Dale has broken a report on a Labour National Executive Meeting which he describes as ‘a very entertaining read’ but Guttersnipe describes as ‘rip-snorting hilarity’.

Iain was considering the future of his blog earlier, I would urge you all to voice your approval of his diary and request it keeps going. The man is definitely an honorary Gutternsnipe.

Given that Guttersnipe is not privy to leaked Labour party meetings I’m going to have to comment on Iain’s comments.

“It clearly shows that the funding crisis in the Labour Party is beginning to bite. On 23 May the Party's National Executive ratified plans to lost 46 members of staff by the end of June through voluntary severance. “

Laugh? I nearly shat! It’s good to see some of that old fashioned Labour solidarity in action, now these people can feel at one with all the Peugeot workers, nurses, health care assistants, Rover workers etc etc.

I wonder if these people are in a union… that would be amusing wouldn’t it? Say a strike around election time?

Meanwhile of course, the Tory coffers are overflowing. I wonder why.

“Lapsed members are being telephoned to ask them to renew their membership. Labour has only 198,000 members. Angela Eagle MP emailed 50 lapsed members asking them to rejoin. She received 5 responses, all negative.”

Roughly translated “Dear Alison… feck off!” HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa”

"At the same NEC meeting John Prescott spoke on the PM's instructions to Hazel Blears to reorganise the Party by the end of June. Prescott apparently was vociferous in arguing that the Prime Minister could legitimately set goals for Ministers but party organisation was the responsibility of the NEC.”

Seems that Prescott’s not going to be top of Blair’s Christmas card list, he then returns to losing his house. This is the man who claimed to be brokering relations between Blair and Brown. He then goes and briefs the party against its current leader. What a twat!

Labour continues in meltdown, the Old Crowd are taking over again and that can only spell electoral ruin.

Polly's Getting Deperate for Gordon

In today’s column Pol is writing about her favourite subject… when that horrid man Blair is going to make way for her new boyfriend and how he should go about doing it. Now bearing in mind that FactChecking PollyAnna is a whole web site dedicated to pointing out her errors and manages an average of more than one post per column I’d not be too keen on taking her advice if I were you Gordon…

All regular Guttersnipes know that Toynbee just gets the blood boiling and it doesn’t take much for Guttersnipe to reach critical mass… are we sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin…

“Brown must show his hand, even if it means an argument The chancellor needs to come out of his corner….”

I take it by this Polly you mean that he should remind us all that he is here in any other way than taxing us, after all the Spleen, ConservativeHome and James Cleverley have all pointed out 80 reasons why we know Gordon’s around.

“… and set out an agenda of democratic renewal, green policies and social justice”

and by this you mean he should come out with David Cameron’s policies, they seem to work so why not copy them?

“Labour's flagging fortunes might be a reason for the heir apparent to feel his hour is at last nigh. But that's not quite the way it looks, with Gordon Brown under heavy battery from those who seem to think that Tony Blair's legacy would be best served by no one else winning after him. “

Oh I could see someone winning after him… the honourable member for Witney perhaps? I particularly like the above paragraph because Polly is assuming that without Brown in charge then Labour can’t win. Can you see the desperation?

“The latest Ipsos Mori poll yesterday put the Conservatives 10 points ahead, at 41%; only six months ago they were 10 points behind. Blair's approval rate has sunk to minus 41, his lowest ever. Yet the handover looks no nearer. “

Since you’re so fond of polls Polly why not have a look at this one in er… the fecking Guardian!
Yes, if you could stop being blinded by Gordon’s Right Honourable Member you’d clearly see that Brown polls less than Blair when sent out to the electorate, even the leftie loving cappucinites that read that rag. Much as I don’t want to see Labour victories, you should give yourselves a chance guys.

“The not-yet race for the non-vacant deputy leadership is in danger of turning into a proxy Stop Brown campaign. Alan Johnson, the likeable and well-respected contender to succeed Prescott some day, is now being floated as the latest in a succession of Anyone-but-Brown candidates touted by the Anyone-but-Brownites. Johnson, a wise and canny politician, no doubt looks with a beady eye on the sorry fate of previous wearers of that prickly mantle. “

Well given that without a leadership contest Brown would just walk in despite the opinions of Labour MPs that don’t want him. Doesn’t this sound like a “promote democracy” campaign rather than a “Stop Brown” campaign? Given that Brown is performing worse than Blair against Cameron isn’t this a good idea? Apparently not.

“It takes some decoding to glean from Brown's necessarily guarded public utterances, but his priorities are significantly different. True, both he and Blair devised New Labour and its triangulations: he, too, will be a public services reformer, prudent as ever. “

Have a look at that last sentence – PRUDENT AS EVER???? I’m sure the Major and Wat Tyler have something else to say on that front, as do the nurses who are facing the sack, the middle england residents who have been taxed 80 times (you know .. the Guardianista types? Remember them? The people who leave comments under your tripe?), and many many others. Where are you living woman? No doubt you’re in one of our few remaining tax havens. Honestly I would have been surprised if Hazel Blears came out with bollocks like this, and she’ll say anything. But then the facts and your articles are poles apart aren’t they?

“But he has talked for so long with marbles in his mouth (sounds like you’re talking with something in your mouth Pol - RG), to prevent a major row with his leader, that some are wondering if he has the new ideas to kindle real renewal. Brown the unspun makes a good contrast with slick Cameron the calculating charmer - but where's the fire?”

I hate to labour this point but if Brown the unspun is a good contrast why is this not reflected in the polls. EVERY poll we’ve seen lately has the Tories ahead, some by a majority forming margin. The main contrast I can see is that the country want Cameron and don’t want Brown. As for your bollocks about unspun, Christ wake up woman! Pink ties, new teeth, a sudden love of the Arctic Monkeys, appearing in New Woman?? Unspun? For feck’s sake!

“Alarm on the back benches - especially among the scores in marginal seats - is easily stirred.”
Damn right… the backbenchers are seeing what you and the cabinet won’t, we don’t want you, we don’t want Blair, we don’t want Brown, WE DON’T WANT LABOUR. The loss of a seat means the loss of an MPs job and if the Editor of the Guardian started behaving in a way that was going to get you fired then you’d be a bit uneasy wouldn’t you?

“Some watching Cameron sweep all before him, on a billow of blue-skies, policy-free thinking, see how weary he makes the government look, weighed down by the burden of office and its accidents.”

OK! Time for a little lesson in reality… Cameron is good, he’s new, he is charming but he hasn’t done anything to make the party look weary and crap. For God’s sake he’s even getting your legislation through for you. Cameron’s own party are complaining about this and he’s still doing it. New Labour is looking weary and crap because New Labour IS weary and crap. They ARE burdened down by weight of office and their accidents. Cameron didn’t release foreign prisoners, Cameron didn’t employ illegal immigrants and Cameron to the best of my knowledge doesn’t sexually assault his office staff.

“Brown is admired for his conviction on poverty at home and abroad: key speeches over recent months stress work/life balance and the environment, set to be main themes of his leadership. But he has been hamstrung in passionate rhetoric while unable to lay out his manifesto. He is criticised for caution, but if he dares reveal his beliefs, his enemies charge him with divisiveness, disloyalty and old Labour factionalism.”

This could be something to do with the fact that aside from high taxation Brown’s signature and legacy has been Old Labour factionalism and disloyalty. For God’s sake, when it’s easier to get Tory support for your bills than it is to get the Chancellor’s then you need to look long and hard at party unity.

“What directions might he take? As Mr Clean, democratic renewal comes first. Brown can draw a line under sleaze and the contamination of party funding. But as a party tribalist he could do the really brave and wise thing: bring in a fairer voting system to open up politics and get people back into the polling booths.”

Are we going down the route of proportional respresentation here? If you’re looking for fairer systems then may I suggest that we look at either an English Parliament or reversal of devolution.

“Green ideas are ripe for harvesting. The public knows what has to be done: the first person to confront hard decisions on energy saving will earn rewards for honesty.”
Like Cameron has..

“Rummaging about for "Britishness", a Brown vision could brand Britain green, a pioneer environmental nation, green in agriculture, energy, transport and low carbon living.”
Like Cameron has..

“As for social justice, Brown has already done most to redistribute, albeit quietly. He should talk honestly about wealth as well as poverty.”
He should talk about creating wealth and closing the poverty divide. The way to do this is to allow aspiration and opportunity. Not state dependance.
Like Cameron has..

“As for women, it is Labour who knows that their work and family lives are too hard: how can their votes be turning Tory? “
Because they like Cameron and like what he is saying or are you implying that the women vote based on image?

“These three broad sweeps of direction - the democratic, the green and the socially just - strike deep chords. “
Like Cameron has… with these three areas.

“That is the heart of the debate within Labour. Troubled emails from weakened Labour parties reflect this dilemma. Some plead for no more boat-rocking at the top, and propose to let Blair stay, as long as he wants to reassure middle England. Others beg for quick change: pull up on the joystick now, give us hope. “

Any particular joystick in mind Polly? Make sure you pull good and hard...

Shameless Plug

New Guttersnipe on the block Prodicus seems to have given me some pleasant words and it’s only fair that I return the favour (after all Guttersnipe is only shamelessly one sided when it comes to dealing with the left).

Do take a good look at his blog and hopefully we can get more like this… never see any new Labour ones do you?

Today is D-Day... Remember Them!

The Spleen is dedicated to the fight against socialism and on this day 1944 a great many men and women gave their lives fighting Hitler’s fascist-socialist armies.

They shall not grow old as we that are left grow old
Age shall not weary them nor the years condemn
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them
- Laurence Binyon

Also spare a thought for the common German soldier on this day, the allies had the right to be conscientious objectors, the Germans would have been shot. Not all Germans were Nazis and a great many of them died as well.

You can donate to the Poppy Appeal here…

Gordon Brown - Laughing All The Way To The Bank

James Cleverly has tabled a good rant today. He is a wise man and somewhat less vitriolic than your good Guttersnipe here, but I m sure one day he will go completely postal on some subject, and we will treasure that moment when it happens.

James shares a particular bee in a particular bonnet regarding Gordon Brown’s running of the economy. Gordon doesn’t run the economy. Gordon doesn’t even run the interest rates which is what most people equate to the economy. The economy changes according to global issues such as war, climate change, resource and the three great factors of tax, supply and demand. Gordon can only influence one of these… you guessed it, tax.

Like all people with very little real power he uses it as often as he can, and today the number of stealth taxes he has raised has reached 80. So enjoy them, at least you can see where his money comes from. It’s not like we can see where it goes.

1997
1. Council tax increased by 6.5pc
2. Mortgage tax relief cut
3. Pensions tax
4. Health insurance taxed
5. Health insurance taxed again
6. Fuel tax escalator up
7. Vehicle excise duty up
8. Tobacco duty escalator up
9. Stamp duty up for properties over £250,000
10. Corporation tax changes
11. New windfall tax on utilities

1998
12. Married couples' allowance cut
13. Tax on travel insurance up
14. Tax on casinos and gaming machines up
15. Fuel tax escalator brought forward
16. Tax on company cars up
17. Tax relief for foreign earnings abolished
18. Tax concession for certain professions abolished
19. Capital gains tax imposed on certain non-residents
20. Reinvestment relief restricted
21. Corporation tax payments brought forward
22 Higher stamp duty rates up
23. Some hydrocarbon duties up
24. Additional diesel duties
25. Landfill tax up
26. Council tax up by 8.6pc

1999
27. NIC earnings limit raised
28. NICs for self-employed up
29. Married couples' allowance abolished
30. Mortgage tax relief abolished
31. IR35: Taxation of personal services companies
32. Company car business mileage allowances restricted
33. Tobacco duty escalator brought forward
34. Insurance premium tax up
35. Vocational training relief abolished
36. Employer NICs extended to all benefits in kind
37. VAT on some banking services up
38. Premiums paid to tenants by landlords taxed
39. Duty on minor oils up
40. Vehicle excise duties for lorries up
41. Landfill tax escalator introduced
42. Higher rates of stamp duty up again
43. Council tax up by 6.8pc

2000
44. Tobacco duties up
45. Higher rates of stamp duty up again
46. Extra taxation of life assurance companies
47. Rules on controlled foreign companies extended
48. Council tax up by 6.1pc2001
49. Council tax up by 6.4pc2002
50. Personal allowances frozen
51. National Insurance threshold frozen
52. NICs for employers up
53. NICs for employees up
54. NICs for self-employed up
55. North Sea taxation up
56. Tax on some alcoholic drinks up
57. New stamp duty regime
58. New rules on loan relationships
59. Council tax up by 8.2pc

2003
60. VAT on electronically supplied services
61. IR35 applied to domestic workers
62. Betting duty change
63. Tax on red diesel and fuel oil up
64. Controlled foreign companies measures on Ireland
65. Vehicle excise duty up
66. Council tax up by 12.9pc

2004
67. New 19pc tax rate for owner-managed businesses
68. New tax on private use of company vans
69. UK transfer pricing introduced
70. Increase in rate of tax on trusts
71. Increase in tax on red diesel fuel
72. Increase in tax on other road fuels (including LPG)
73. Council tax up by 5.9pc

2005
74. Cancellation of stamp duty land tax relief for disadvantaged areas.
75. North Sea taxation doubled from 10pc to 20pc.
76. Zero per cent rate of corporation tax abolished
77. Council tax up by 4.1pc

2006
78. Clampdown on trusts and insurance policies commonly used to mitigate inheritance tax.
79. Increase in vehicle excise duty for SUVs.
80. Council tax up by 4.5pc

Do we really think this is going to get any better when Brown gets into number 10? I doubt it.

Home Office Clownery Chapter 12

Charles Clarke and John Reid Discuss Immigration Policy

Right…. I can’t even watch ‘24’ without becoming quite reliant on Jack’s ‘Previously on 24…’ so with this in mind let’s have a recap on the Home Office circus Act 1.

John Reid storms into the place and declares… “No More Cock Ups”, big words I’m sure you’ll agree… then…

- the 'asylum for sex' immigration officer was an illegal immigrant.
- Foreign prisoners walk free
- Foreign loonies walk free.
- A pass in the citizenship exam costs about £700

Now it looks like you can buy “official leave to remain”

”Scotland Yard officers seconded to the Immigration and Nationality Directorate's security and anti-corruption unit have revealed they are holding inquiries into a series of claims that government officials are accepting a 'going rate' of up to £4,000 in return for residency status.”

"Officers are currently conducting around 50 'live investigations' relating to corruption allegations involving Home Office staff, a proportion of which involve asylum applicants buying residency status to remain in Britain. So far this year alone, six IND staff have been dismissed for giving applicants 'leave to remain' status in the UK without being able to justify their decision to investigating officers."

Can we put Jack Bauer in charge of immigration policy and anti-terrorism?

How can New Labour Talk About Respect?

Following on from New Labour’s desire to blame the civil servants, the councils and councillors are now in the firing line as Blair decides the Respect agenda exists again.

BBC: “Blair to warn councils on 'yobs'
Tony Blair is to warn councils they face funding cuts if they fail to tackle anti-social behaviour.
The warning comes as the prime minister seeks to shift the focus away from his government's recent difficulties back on to his "respect agenda". “

You may remember the Respect plan.. it got Blair in all the papers looking tough and did sod all else…. It included:

Ø increased on-the-spot fines for disorder
Ø a national parenting academy
Ø powers to shut down problem properties.

Do you recall any of these things actually happening. I didn’t think so, what’s actually happened since the respect agenda was launched is that crime and anti-social behaviour have risen with kids collecting ASBOs like they’re Panini stickers.

Now the plan is to cut funding for those councils who fail to tackle the problem. Doesn’t go into finding out why, just removes the money and starts making it harder to achieve something that they’ve already failed to achieve. Typical New Labour money is the solution to everything answer, and we were led to believe that all the Tories cared about was money.

Again New Labour are punishing local government for implementing government policies that don’t work. Take some responsibility will you? Money isn’t the answer, poverty is not the root cause of crime otherwise everyone earning less than minimum wage would be a criminal. They are not.

A total lack of responsibility is a root cause of crime and while this government insists on creating a client state where nothing is the responsibility of the individual then this lack of responsibility will continue. For these criminals their actions have not so far had consequences, while that continues so will the crime.

Respect is something that is earned… not bought.

Prescott's Replacements Are Gathering In Droves

According to the Daily Mail the vultures are circling in larger packs now:

“The chaos surrounding John Prescott dragged Labour deeper into crisis last night as six Cabinet ministers jostled openly to unseat the Deputy Prime Minister.”

Let’s have a look at the circling vultures shall we.

Alan Johnson
Former postman and trade union boss, now Education Secretary. No known enemies.
But what is it about being a postman and a trade union that makes you capable of running the country? Gordon Brown has already expressed worries about being eclipsed by Johnson, he is probably the Blair camp’s weapon of choice.

Jack Straw
Leader of the Commons, has been angling for years to be Gordon Brown's deputy. I really don’t think it’s Jack Straw’s year… he’s been demoted for doing nothing wrong. There is the possibility though that his ‘demotion’ was a deal until after they could get rid of Prescott.

Harriet Harman
Constitutional Affairs Minister who says job should go to a woman. (Why should it go to a woman Harriet?). That’s really all she’s had to say, she hasn’t backed her stance up with anything other than blind sexism.

Peter Hain
Northern Ireland Secretary. Much admired by Gordon Brown. Much hated by the Northern Irish.



Patricia Hewitt
Health Secretary. Commissar Hewitt’s track record speaks for itself. Given the embarrassment she has already caused the party and the fact that she gets booed wherever she goes (including BBC Question Time) I don’t rate her chances. Still, it is her "best year ever".

Hazel Blears
Hazel Blears has said she might like the job… don’t make me fecking laugh!! I thought Hewitt was a stupid idea (and I stand by that) but Blears… jesus… I’ve seen her need to be asked the same question by Paxman EIGHT TIMES and still not give an answer. I don’t know what she does now.

It does indicate that since the Tories are now enjoying a 10 point lead even in government friendly MORI the knives are clearly being sharpened for Prezza. But, much as I hate to defend him, Prezza is not the problem. New Labour is the problem and the more scapegoats you are knifing the more divided your party will be at the election.

Guttersnipe watches on with glee.

Cameron backs the Civil Servants

Tories coming out in favour of civil service bureaucrats is a rare thing but David Cameron has done it, and rightly so.

You will recall that some weeks ago John Reid described his home office and lacking leadership, being not fit for purpose and so on. Blaming the civil servants for every fault from escaping immigrants to the Iraq War.

Well listen up Reid, the issues here have all been about the implementation of policy, and policy is your fault not the fault of the civil services. I know a great many civil servants and the biggest criticism they have of their work is that they have all these policies and rule that make no sense but they have to deal with the complaints.

When, for example, they are asked why a Job Seeker’s Allowance claim takes 8 weeks to process the only answer they can give is “that’s the system”, they can’t change the system, they can’t make the rules. That’s the job of the ministers.

Cameron is right to stand up for these people because they are just going to be made into scapegoats for New Labour’s failures.

Hardliners may have an anti civil-service stance and I can agree with this, some civil servants will have to go. Not because they are doing a bad job but because they are doing jobs that we don’t need doing. You can’t blame the civil servants for doing jobs we don’t need. They didn’t recruit themselves.

More Promising Election Results

The latest council By Elections have warmed the cockles of Guttersnipe's heart:

Arun district - Angmering: Con 1052, Lib Dem 254, Lab 123. (May 2003 - Three seats Con 886, 862, 733, Lib Dem 512; November 10 2005 byelection - Con 846, Lib Dem 421). Con hold. Swing 16.1% Lib Dem to Con

Arun district - Yapton: Con 699, Lib Dem 205, Lab 87. (May 2003 - Two seats Con 752, 737, Lib Dem 270, 264; May 5 2005 byelection - Lib Dem 1213, Con 1179). Con gain from Lib Dem. Swing 1.3% Lib Dem to Con.

Herefordshire county - Kerne Bridge: Con 482, Lib Dem 308, Ind 249, Ind 119. (May 2003 - Ind 863, Con 433). Con gain from Ind.

North Somerset district - Portishead West: Con 488, Lib Dem 452, Lab 205, Ind 108. (May 2003 - Ind 898, Con 198). Con gain from Ind.
North Somerset district - Yatton: Lib Dem 812, Ind 749, Con 678, Ind 267, Lab 104. (May 2003 - Three seats Ind 1607, Lib Dem 1388, 1251, Con 1048, 872, Lab 612). Lib Dem gain from Ind. Swing 1.5% Lib Dem to Con.

Wellingborough borough - Croyland: Con 655, Lab 488, Ukip 162, Green 71. (May 2003 - Three seats Con 797, 766, 747, Lab 616, 576, 544; October 21 2004 byelection - Con 469, Lab 445, Ukip 173, Lib Dem 105). Con gain from Ind. Swing 1% Con to Lab.

West Sussex county - Angmering and Findon: Con 1500, Lib Dem 334, Lab 149. (May 2005 - Con 2,454, Lib Dem 1847, Ukip 588). Con hold. Swing 23.2% Lib Dem to Con.

That strengthens David Cameron's position further. I'm not seeing the words Labour hold or Labour gain anywhere... perhaps Labour's helpfulness with children hasn't made women vote Labour after all.

Two Sanctimonious Lefties with One Stone Part 2.

Never bowing to the pressure to stop talking bollocks, Polly Toynbee returns in the Guardian today to bring us the benefits of her wisdom. The benefits of this are great, the medicine of laughter can be a wonderful thing. Today she is telling us that Help for children will the reason people vote Labour again, seems we were all fooled and it wasn’t the arts after all.

None of her usual soft introductory tones today we dive straight into the vitriol.

“Beware those who want to "simplify" the tax system. You can bet they really mean tax cuts. "Simplification" is new Tory code for cuts, as George Osborne yesterday promised "a radical overhaul of the tax system with a programme of tax simplification at its core".

God and heaven forbid that we have a tax system we can understand Pol, Let me explain a couple of things for you and if you want I could put it in capital bold letters and make it really easy to read.

If you have a simpler system of tax you have a simpler system of tax credits. They are easier to administer. There are fewer errors. People get paid what they deserve. A simpler tax system would have not had £2bn worth of overpayments. £2bn would have balanced the books on the NHS. Money that is spent on chasing tax returns and payments that the complicated system lost could, in hadn with those tax payments that hadn’t been lost, fund the Police Force to keep its 43 forces fully staffed and operational. It could have bought the protective foam to save the lives of soldiers. The list goes on.

She goes on….

“"At long last, Osborne is talking tax cuts," a joyous Daily Mail headline welcomed his first revealing speech about his tax plans. He said: "I am clear. We need to move towards lower taxes," because "personal freedom and responsibility are diminished as the state takes a larger slice of everyone's cake".

Good words from Mr. Osborne there… I can’t see how Pol Pot here can oppose this with any sensible words… so she doesn’t… she glides straight past this and focuses on “Tax Freedom Day” which I personally think should be the extra bank holiday that the government is dearly searching for.

“"This Saturday - June 3 - we celebrate Tax Freedom Day. That is the point in the year when people stop working for the chancellor and start earning for themselves." This tellingly spurious factoid hints at his numerical fragility.”

Now I’m sure FactChecking PollyAnna will back me up on this, our Pol is the last person who should be talking about fragile figures. (UPDATE - he has backed me up on this)

“Yes, credits are quite complicated because they do something subtle and difficult” – so subtle and so difficult that nobody’s noticed the benefits and they’ve got it all wrong, or am I being a bit too nasty there.

“A typical single mother working part time gets nearly £4,000 more than under the old family credit others want to return to.”

The trouble is she has to pay about £500 of that back when it’s overpaid to her. Tell me how that’s not hitting the poor Pol, please tell me.

“These facts are true: some 2 million families were overpaid £1.8bn in credits last year. Nearly a million familes were underpaid £556m. Clawing it back is painful for the relatively few owing large sums - though half owe under £500 and a third owe less than £200.

A new system allowing people to keep much of it will cut this by a third this year. That means 20% will still be overpaid and 10% will still be underpaid. How bad is that? Not all that bad. The standard error rate of the social security system for means-tested benefits under all governments has always been around 10%.”

Jesus Pol!!! I don’t know where to begin. How can you possibly defend this system. 6 million people claim tax credit and 2 million were overpaid and 1 million were underpaid. That’s 3 million wrong out of 6 million that’s an error rate of 50% not 10%. Look at the figures woman, do the maths. Come back from dreaming of that Number 11 love nest and get with the real world.

Her new system says 20% overpaid and 10% underpaid, that’s still a 30% error rate. But that aside she mentions the standard error rate of 10%. Try going into work this week and doing 1 in 10 jobs wrong. See how long you last. It gets worse….

“But most of these over- and underpayments are not errors.”

WELL WHAT THE FECK ARE THEY THEN???? If they are not errors then they are not overpayments or underpayments are they?

“Yes, they are quite complicated but, according to the Institute for Fiscal Studies, tax credits have delivered "the longest sustained fall in child poverty since records began" - 700,000 fewer children now live below the poverty line, back to levels of 20 years ago, (though not yet repairing all the damage done in the Thatcher years).”

I thought she was slacking there… child poverty is the fault of the Tories, the nasty Tories who come and steal the food from poor babies’ mouths. The swines.

How many fewer poor families would there be if we say spent the £32,000 it costs to train young offenders to dance? Here is the trouble with Pol, she harps on about the poor but has absolutely no idea about the poor or poverty. No idea at all.

“Yet, for reasons that are puzzling, Labour still fails to make its popular family policies its main battleground with the Tories. Why are tax credits for children and universal high-quality children's centres not the party's key winning symbols?

Probably because they didn’t work? The universal high-quality children’s centres you talk about are more than likely all the privately run nurseries. If the government has provided such great systems of children’s care and entertainment why oh why Pol do registered child minders have such a racket going eh? Maybe you should ask your Swedish au Pair.

“Help for children should be the reason why women will vote Labour again. “

Pol, were you watching the Local elections? or had you rented 101 Great Gordon Brown Moments?

Two Sanctimonious Lefties... One Stone - Part 1

It’s a glorious day for us bloggers and fiskers today. The great queen of bollocks Polly Toynbee the Rt. Hon Member for Gordon Brown’s trousers has returned. Guttersnipe got himself all geared up for a damn good ranting when he noticed something…

Hazel Blears has written comment for the Guardian. Oh pale waltzing Lord! Guttersnipe lives for these moments. So, periscopes up, torpedoes ready and prepare to fire!!!

The New Labour chipmunk suggests that Labour must finally prove it has the governing gene.

Well no shit squirrel-face, we’ve been suggesting that for 10 years. Quite a lot of people voted you into a third term to see if you really did have such a gene but alas not. When you can’t even get Prescott out of his mansion without a media campaign what makes you think you can get chav kids to stop shoplifting?

But never letting a trivial matter like the facts get in the way of her argument Hazel blindly continues…

“My challenge as Labour party chair is to rehabilitate party politics as a reputable, even honourable, activity”

You would hope for this wouldn’t you. Let’s have a look at why it’s disreputable and dishonourable shall we? This will be because the ruling Labour party have no respect for any of themselves, opposition MPs, parliamentary democracy or us the electorate. The Prescott Affair, the Home Office, Blunkett and all the contents of the Little Red Book show us this. Now one thing I have to give credit to Blair for is that whenever something dishonourable has happened he has managed to shift the blame onto “all politicians” rather than just his own. As such politics is now totally disrespected by the majority.

“Working-class people have the most to gain from party politics, and the most to contribute. Politics should never speak with an exclusively middle-class accent.”

Unless of course you want to be elected Hazel then you go all out to keep Middle England eating out of your hand. Strange how your lot were not that concerned with the working classes while you had the blind faith of the unions.

She goes on to list several types of people who she feels that she can’t be seen to ignore:

“Across the country, in towns, on estates and in cities, I have met people who are working to improve their localities.” – Probably repairing the damage your policies caused eh Haze?

“Some, such as the women of Mothers Against Guns, face huge danger to take on drug gangs or criminals with guns.” – since the Community Support Officers you put in as “thousands of extra police officers” don’t seem to be allowed to doing anything about these people.

“Every year we honour, with the Taking a Stand awards, local activists who tackle crime and antisocial behaviour.” – again because there are not enough actual Police Officers to actually fight the crime… weren’t you a Home Office minister Hazel? Couldn’t you have done something?

“I want the Labour party to tap into this reservoir of activism. I will be visiting local campaigns and meeting community activists in the coming months to see what the Labour party can learn from the new activism, and to encourage more community activists - especially women - into the party”

Do you now? Surely these people are looking elsewhere (probably Tory) because other parties are actually being “tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime” as opposed to just saying it…. The thing is if you had tapped this reservoir and listened to the concerns about these people then you wouldn’t have the problems that they are campaigning against.

“I know that this is a tough time to be a Labour supporter.”

I say again, no shit squirrel-face… a good portion of your own MPs don’t support you. Your own chancellor doesn’t support you. Why the hell, with your track record should anyone else?

“Some people are angry with us on specific issues such as Iraq or tuition fees; others are frustrated by what they feel is a lack of progress on issues that they care about, such as education or crime.”

And immigration, sleaze, peerage sales, taxation, housing, their pensions, the fact they have to pay back a tax credit and so on.

“Despite the current poll leads for the Conservatives, I do not get a sense that Britain is desperate for a change of government. “

Hazel, you are in power on the basis of votes from about 21% of the electorate. Nearly 1 in 5 people in this country don’t want Blair, Brown or your blind party line bollocks in front of them any more. Britain is desperate for a change of government. They just haven’t seen one yet.

“The BBC's adaptation of The Line of Beauty serves as a terrible reminder of the Tories in government: arrogant, decadent and elitist.”

This is your evidence? This is like citing Braveheart as the true story of William Wallace. I’d rather have the arrogant elite than corrupt arrogant slaves of the unions… see 1979 for your evidence.Every time I see Hazel Blears in action I wonder which planet she is on. The facts, the evidence, the world around her just have no bearing on what she is saying.

Normal Service Will Resume Shortly

Apoloies to all Guttersnipes waiting for my forthright views today... I have been away on business striving to keep Lady Guttersnipe in shoes and various forms of weaponry...

Imagine my horror when she phoned me to say "Prescott's dumped Dorneywood" and I was nowhere near the internet... feel for me and sympathise now please.

Normal blogging as well as some catch up ranting will resume tomorrow when I have had some sleep and put a 15 hour day behind me.