Thursday, July 27, 2006

Labour Goes After Cameron... We're Screwed!

The view from the bunker towards David Cameron appears to be one of uncertainty, So much so that it appears that our great and good leader has authourised the use of a weapon of mass destruction… who could it be?

- Toynbee?
- Hattersley?
- Campbell?

Nope Blears…. Yes my dear Guttersnipes, Hazel “Squirrel faced shite talker” Blears has been wheeled out to crush the Cameron phenomenon once and for all. All around Guttersnipe Towers I can see the fretful faces of Tories as she turns our light at the end of the tunnel into the beams of the oncoming train.

She’s given an interview to Progress. Progress? I hear you say… yes practically an in house magazine. My that’s going to bring the floating voters in on a tidal wave isn’t it?

Here’s how Progress describes itself..

“Progress is the independent
organisation for Labour party members and trade unionists.”

Yeah well independent… about as independent as say… The Independent.

The article starts…

“Blears is dismissive of the charge that Labour erred by giving Cameron the space early on to define himself. ‘You don’t do this immediately within a week of someone being elected as the new leader of the party; you don’t put them in a box and say “this is how we are going to campaign for the next four years”.’”

So why then Hazel were all your campaigns about lack of policies and flip flops eh? Just tune into PMQs one day… you’ll hear something along these lines:

DC: Can the Prime Minister explain why he will not permit a public enquiry into the 7th July bombings? (Or such a question)
TB: Let me remind my Rt. Honourable friend that he has no policies, will tell anybody anything and under the Tories we had 15% interest rates.

All the time they come out with the same shit, and the only person who swallows it is Blears. Even Blair doesn’t believe this now.

She recognises, however, that ‘a resurgent Tory party’ now poses a greater threat to Labour than at any time since the early 1990s: ‘Until relatively recently I don’t think people were interested in the Tories. People were embarrassed to admit to being Tories. That position has changed.’

Yup… people are ashamed to be Blair voters now aren’t they?

The local elections revealed that ‘where they are traditionally strong, the Tories are now coming back quite hard. The vote that stayed at home is now prepared to actually come out.’

It would appear that the Tories are strong in local councils then wouldn’t it Hazel?

“Blears now thinks it is time to take the gloves off. ‘I think we are beginning to see emerging some difficulties with some of his policy choices. If you look at the stuff on the European People’s party [which Cameron pledged during the leadership campaign to pull Tory Euro MPs out of] now he can’t find a home for them that is more respectable than the fascists.”

Oh can’t he? We have a deal negotiated for 2009. You might think this is a turnaround but didn’t your leader pledge to remove us from the EU altogether. Doesn’t that sit him with the parties you consider fascist? Your leader either wants to sit with the fascists among UKIP (not that they’re fascists from where I’m sitting) or he reneges on his pledges… which is it squirrel face?

The Czechs don’t want to know, the Poles don’t want to know, he is going to be homeless in Europe.

Actually the Czechs do want to know so you’ve fecked that one up haven’t you? If Blair’s such a strong dominating force in Europe then where is our rebate eh bat features? Why are we handing money back to these people for nothing in return? Wake up to the facts will you?

The Tory leader, charges Labour’s chair, is also beginning to betray signs of ‘really poor strategic judgment’ in other areas too. On issues surrounding crime and security, ranging from some of the anti-terrorism measures to the serious organised crime bill and ID cards, the Conservatives are now ‘not sure where they are and whether to align themselves with the civil liberties lobby’.

Er…. Hazel I believe that Cameron has pledged to scrap ID cards… yes scrap them, there’s a policy. Would you like to steal it like you’ve done for the past decade? Please do. Nobody wants an ID card, we don’t want a database, we don’t want a smoking ban. Get with it.

The government’s proposals, by contrast, are ‘where the public are’.

Ahahahahaaahahahaa…. For feck’s sake. When Blears looks out of her front window does she see a big sign saying “Welcome to Narnia – please drive safely”? Where the public are? Does Blair even know where the public are since be banned them from Westminster? Fuck me woman you just spout the line regardless of evidence don’t you?

Blears accepts, however, that Labour has to ‘do something more than just criticise him as a PR man’, and she admits that he has been doing ‘some very clever positioning, a replay of our book from 1997’.

Not nice having your good ideas stolen is it? Welcome to our world. Although I’d rather live in your world Hazel… you get free Turkish Delight.

Blears is moreover unimpressed with the statement of aims and values Cameron published at the beginning of the year: ‘motherhood and apple pie, anybody could have written it; so it’s not quite his Clause IV moment.’

You’d rather that a supposedly credible party sold its beliefs and values down the river in exchange for power? I believe that is what’s referred to as a Clause IV moment. Remember Hazel? When you scrapped Clause IV?

I love the next bit….

“So what will Labour’s future line of attack be? ‘I think what the public are interested in, when it comes to making the big decisions, is: is this the man you want to be prime minister? Can you trust him if he says one thing and does another, “

Like reform the NHS, stem immigration, be purer than pure… do you need me to go on?

That then starts to make people think: if you can’t trust him on his policy issues, can you trust him with your mortgage, can you trust him with your job, can you trust him with the interest rates, when [Labour’s] strength is being absolutely solid on the economy?

How can we trust you with the interest rates Hazel? You have absolutely no control over them as the decision is taken by the Bank of England. So let’s ask how can we trust someone so eager to claim credit for something they’ve not done?

Nonetheless, Blears does not believe that ‘there is a great tidal wave sweeping the country that says we want to get rid of a Labour government.’

I’m speechless… utterly speechless.

The party chair dismisses, however, any notion that Labour’s third term thus far has been somewhat ‘lacklustre’. ‘I think it has been more exciting than that.

Oh it’s been exciting, we’ve had…

- Foreign murderers on the rampage
- Two Jabs, Two Jags, Two Shags, New Hat, No Job, Nice Casino to keep us amused
- Some serious investment… sadly into the Labour party in exchange for a peerage.

I can’t take much more excitement.

Even Stalin couldn’t ignore the facts to this level.


Prodicus said...

where is our rebate eh bat features?

[howl] Oh, stop it! You've made me spill my cocoa!

Average guy on the street said...

I loved that bit about Blears saying the government's proposals are where the public are. I had to laugh. I am also thinking she is in Narnia (or Cloud Cukoo Land or wherever).

Just a couple of fact for you here Mrs Blears:
Do you remember 1974??? I don't but I do know this - in Feb 74 more people voted Labour than did in 2005. Oh, and I am still yet to meet anyone who wants an ID card.

Anonymous said...

i definately dont want an id card or a labour government perhaps i will get lucky this time.To see our hazel doing
the long walk on polling day will be sweet