What a Weekend for Labour

I live for weekends like this I really do, and when one happens I'm away from my PC. Curses!

Where the hell do I start?

Prescott: OK - as David Davis says I doubt this guy should resign because he's had affairs, pick a number between 1 and 5. He should resign because he's always been thick, useless and the worst example of a champagne socialist I can think of. We've seen him spout his hypocrisy at Labour conferences, screw around with his secretary, dodge his council tax and punch someone during an election campaign. What does a guy have to do to get fired.

Frankly if you work at McDonald's and you sleep with a junior member of staff you're likely to get the sack. Why oh why is this embarrasment to Britain still here?

Reid: The man who announces that smoking is the one pleasure a woman on a council estate can gave should probably now be announcing that a swift doobie is the one pleasure a defence secretary can look forward to. I wonder how many of his soldiers have been court martialled for possessing cannabis.

Apparently his spokesman said "It wasn't enough for two drags" - can we assume that possessing less heroin than is required for a full syringe is now OK? Only if you're a minister I suppose.

Clarke: Why is this man still here? This idea that he should "stick around until he's fixed it" is plain bollocks. On this basis you just have to make a suitably big balls up in week 1 and you have a job for life. The Iraq war probably means Blair won't need his pension as he can never retire.

Hewitt: I'm sure she can breath a heavy sigh of relief now that the entire Labour establishment is looking five times as ridiculous as the "Blair Blonde". However Blair's backed her so she's got to be out soon.

Morons