My fine and dear Prodicus has tagged me to calmly and rationally announce the “10 People I most want to hit in the face with a Brick”.
Now I’m going to keep this mostly to people you will know of so I’m leaving out the Former Lady Guttersnipe (who is a venomous hag) and my former business partner (who is a Class 1 High Cunt).
It also specifies people so I must leave out the French, Socialists as a collective group, people who own horses, People with “Baby on Board” in the back of their car and new parents. However I am sure there will be a few socialists in there.
So are we sitting comfortably?
In no real order except number 1.
10 Hazel Blears – As the Snob once commented she is the The Capo de Capi of New Labour Harridan cunt-witches. Every time this woman appears on the news Lady Gutternsipe leaves the room and comes back just to check my blood pressure. Everything about the woman just sets my blood boiling from that incessant painted on smile and constant nodding like the Churchill dog… Is the Government doing anything worthwhile Hazel? “OH YES”.
9 John Prescott – If ever there was a better case for making sure that all employed people can speak English it’s this fucking clown. People poke fun at Bush for not getting his words out right but for fuck’s sake Prescott makes Bush look like the fucking Poet Laureate. Now, as you may have noticed, I don’t like socialists but I particularly despise socialists who spend their entire life banging on about the lives of the working classes and then fuck it all off as soon as they get a tax funded Jag and a diary secretary (see here and here). The sooner he gets back on the fucking boats and sails into an iceberg the better.
8 Amy Winehouse – Why the fuck does the world think she’s great eh? She might sing well but frankly so does Kylie Minogue and yet she manages to do it without getting off her tits on copious amounts of Class A substances. Stick her in jail and throw away the fucking key… maybe then she’ll sing the blues. How the fuck did she get a MOBO? Have they abandoned their racist principle and started giving awards to white people now? If not then she’s not black you fuckwits. The only thing whiter than her goes up her nose.
7 Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay – Every time this bloke appears he has some sort of interfering fucking thing to say about American politics. Every time. Just play the fucking songs will you? You floppy haired fucking cocktard! The day that the British charts are topped by a duet between Iain Duncan Smith and Ann Widdicombe I may support musicians banging on about politics until then Martin can just shut the fuck yup…. And although he doesn’t quite make the list yet Bono can fuck right off as well.
6 Cherie Blair – If there was one person in the New Labour set up that was more fucking deserving of a brick in the face it was Supermum fucking Cherie. What a dish faced fucking hag. Aside from the Human Rights Act being her idea she then went and fucking lined hers and her family’s pockets with it and fucked off. I really cannot put into words how this woman deserves not only a brick but an entire fleet of bricks.
5 Diane Abbott – Another in the series of fucking champagne bastard socialists wrecking my enjoyment of “This Week”. Smug fucking grin and fat fucking arse and constantly banging on about getting rid of grammar schools and private education despite sending her kids to a private school. But hey… why have a single standard when you can have a double.
4 Tony Blair – Have you ever met such a cunt ever in all of your life? Smiling fucking cunting cunt who grinned his way through selling us all dow the riuver so he could fuck off to Cliff’s house every year while using our money as a wankcloth. He slimed his way out of everything he ever touched and grinned the fucking unwashed morons into supporting him and his fucking regime at every turn. Lying fucking cunt! There is so much blood on this man’s hands he should be taken out and shot, and does he give a fuck?
3 Yvette Cooper – I have a personal fucking dislike of this woman based entirely on her hijacking an event I was once running in her constituency and turning it into a fucking “Vote Labour” speech. To have the fucking brassneck to get on the microphone and announce “Isn’t it great to see all this investment in the area?” when I had done the event at cost just to launch the business is fucking unforgiveable. I hate her and her wide-eyed fucktard of a husband.
2 Trevor Philips – Yes Chairman of the Commision for fucking racism. Every time there is anything to do with any ethnic minority we get this guy’s smug twat blinkered opinion that we should be giving black people special treatment for being black. You’re supposed to be standing up for equality you fucking spineless cocksucker. Equality! That means that I want to see you opposing the Association of Black Police Officers, the MOBO awards, the fucking Young Black Achiever awards. Why is he allowed to get away with this shit?
1 Gordon Brown – There is very little I can say here that has not been said by the many people who have preceded me with Brown. So I will just say cunt! Once doesn’t really do it justice but I could not possibly use the word cunt enough to describe my feelings here. Cunt!
Some people haven’t made the list and would be worthy of entry except for the fact that I wouldn’t waste a brick on them when I could find a perfectly good mincing machine to press their smug fucking faces into…
Clare Short, George Galloway, Patricia Hewitt, Ruth Kelly, and the person who leaves empty envelopes in After Eight Mint boxes… bastards!
Now I need to go calm down so I tag Harry Haddock and Dizzy to act in my stead.